Illustrations – Tim Miller
Zeke and Daniel have just become Hall Monitors but Principal Wombat assures them it’s not because they’re monitor lizards. Alicia, their monitor lizard friend, is also a Hall Monitor.
“Coincidence”
Being cold blooded and from a less affluent area than most of the other students already sets them apart. This new job is likely to make things even worse, especially when the school bully, Pelicarnassus, and his two egret sidekicks (both called Norman) find out.
I’m usually a fan of zany goings-on; my childhood was essentially one big Roald Dahl reread. I love kid’s books but this one didn’t sit right with me.
I was confused.
Pelicarnassus, who sees himself as a supervillain in training, has a mother you definitely don’t want to mess with. Saying that Pelicarnassus’ mother won’t let him do something dastardly when she’s literally a supervillain didn’t make sense. Neither did her response to her son unleashing his evil plan.
Also, Zeke has France on his knee.
My fuddy duddy was on full display. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so old.
I didn’t think the language used was always appropriate for the target audience (9+). When I was a kid, saying ‘crappy’ or ‘ass’, because I undoubtedly would have repeated them if I’d read them, would have gotten me into trouble.
I also wouldn’t have even considered discussing my Principal’s butt.
I lost count of the amount of times Pelicarnassus called Zeke ‘fat’.
I was pretty literal at that age and wouldn’t have known a black dog can be a symbol for depression.
I liked Miel, the red-tailed hawk, who doesn’t appear to have a volume control. I thought I liked Alicia, especially when I found her relatable.
But she was also kind of happy that she only had two friends in Zeke and Daniel, because any more “would be really tiring”, she once said, “and I think I’m kinda lazy.”
Then she played into my biggest problem with this book.
One swift pinch of an ear, one assertive push behind a knee, and Kevin the yak was down without even entirely realizing that he’d fallen.
Recently I heard someone say that nothing makes it okay to use your body to solve a problem and, while I’ve never thought any differently, I’d never heard it explained like that before and I absolutely loved it.
For a book that claims there’s no excuse for violence, there’s a fair amount of it in its pages. All of the main characters use violence to varying degrees. I’m all for standing up for yourself and your friends but not when it involves punching, pinching and pushing.
There are some glowing reviews for this book so I’d encourage you to read those before deciding if this is the book for you. Plenty of reviewers have found humour where I found red flags. While I was intrigued after reading the blurb, I’m clearly not the audience for this book.
Thank you so much to Walker Books for the opportunity to read this book.
Once Upon a Blurb
Master storyteller Patrick Ness turns to middle grade in a hilarious adventure about a mismatched group of animals attending school together, brought to life by brilliantly funny illustrations.
Zeke and Daniel have just been made hall monitors by Principal Wombat. This has nothing to do with the fact that they are monitor lizards. And never mind the fact Alicia, the only other monitor lizard in the school, is also a hall monitor.
Somehow, the three hall monitors must impose order on arrogant lions, excitable seals and super-relaxed pandas. And worst of all, there is Pelicarnassus! A pompous giant pelican and the son of a major supervillain, who inexplicably has it out for the lizards. Can the hall monitor lizards and their new friend, a blind, fearsome red-tailed hawk, protect their school from all manner of outlandish threats?
Schizanthus Nerd 