We sat through a single, excruciating sex ed lesson in high school. An embarrassed teacher bumbled their way through a bunch of slides on a projector. The boys were all bravado, laughing and making out that they knew everything there was to know already. The girls either laughed along with the boys or shrank in their seats.
I waited all lesson for the teacher to talk about what to do if someone does something you don’t want to. It was never mentioned. I wonder how many lives would look different today if it had been.
From the Teach Us Consent website:
In February 2021, Chanel Contos posted an Instagram story asking followers if they or someone close to them had been sexually assaulted by someone when they were at school. Within 24 hours, over 200 people replied ‘yes’.
Overwhelmed, but unsurprised by the response, Chanel launched a petition calling for more holistic and earlier consent education in Australia, as well as teachusconsent.com, a platform where people could share anonymous testimonies of sexual assault.
The petition, which gathered over 44,000 signatures, and a further 6,600 personal stories of sexual assault were presented to MPs around the country to advocate for this critical education to be included in the national curriculum.
In February 2022, we did it. Ministers of Education from around Australia unanimously committed to mandating holistic and age appropriate consent education in every school, every year, from foundation until Year 10, beginning in 2023.
In this book, you’ll learn about this. You’ll learn about sexual violence, the patriarchy and the ways that the internet has been instrumental (not in a good way) in changing expectations around sexual activity.
From Chanel’s initial Instagram post to comments made in this book, it’s clear the world she grew up in was one of privilege. She mentions in the book that most women over 40 where she grew up had had some sort of cosmetic procedure. On Instagram, she specifically asked about experiences of sexual assault perpetrated by “someone who went to an all boys school”.
This initially made it difficult to feel like this book would be relatable for someone who attended public school. There were some moments where I definitely felt like this wasn’t my world she was talking about but the concepts themselves rang true.
There wasn’t a lot of information that was new to me but if I’d read this book as a teenager it would have been an eye opener.
There’s one particular quote that’s sticking with me, mostly because of how depressing it is.
Only 1.7 per cent of cases in Australia result in a conviction, and it is estimated that only 5 per cent of people report their rape to the police. Not all cases make it to court. On top of this, it is impossible to know the exact number of people who have been subjected to sexual violence, especially when so many are not equipped with the language to be able to identify what happened to them, and when these acts have been normalised and being subjected to them is too often understood as an unavoidable part of womanhood. All of this together means that we have essentially decriminalised rape in Australia. This is rape culture.
I was an avid reader growing up and had a pretty decent vocabulary as a result. I knew the word ‘consent’. I never heard it used in the context of sexual activity, though, until I’d been an adult as long as I’d been a child. Sure, I knew about sexual assault but, let me tell you, that Tea and Consent video was an eye opener.
It’s only really been in the last couple of years, when I’ve learned more about consent, that I feel I’ve finally got more of a hold on what it is, and what it isn’t.
While there is a lot of good information in this book, there wasn’t a handy one or two page summary of what consent is and isn’t. In case I’m not the only one who would have found that useful, here’s an excerpt from 1800RESPECT’s website about consent.
What does it mean to consent?
If you consent to sex it means you want to have sex at that time with that person.
If you do not give your consent to have sex with that person at that time, but sex or sexual things happen, it is sexual violence.
If you are forced to have sex, you have not given your consent.
Consent means more than just saying yes or not being forced. Consent must be informed.
‘Informed consent’ means there is nothing stopping you from giving consent or understanding what you are consenting to.
Informed consent cannot be given if:
- you are passed out or unconscious due to drugs, alcohol or a violent assault
- you are asleep
- you are conscious, but the effects of alcohol or drugs mean you are unable to say what you do or don’t want
- the other person tricks you into thinking they are someone else
- the other person makes you feel too scared to say no. This might be due to a fear that they will:
- hurt or kill you
- hurt, kill or take away your children or pets
- tell other people private or damaging things about you
- share private or damaging information, photos or videos of you on the internet
- take away
- your money
- access to medical treatment
- care or other crucial support
- the number of people wanting you to have sex or do sexual things makes you too scared to refuse or resist, or make it impossible for you to do so.
Time will tell how effective the introduction of consent education in schools has been. I’m cautiously optimistic, though.
Once Upon a Blurb
The game-changing book about sex and consent that every woman – and man – should read
In 2021, Chanel Contos posted on Instagram asking people to share their stories of sexual assault during their schooling years. This post unexpectedly went viral and almost 7000 people sent in testimonies describing behaviour that constitutes rape. Virtually none of these instances were reported, and almost all of them were by people they knew.
How and why is this happening in an era of growing equality? Chanel Contos argues that when it comes to sex, we are still working with an outdated social contract that privileges men’s pleasure at the expense of women’s humanity.
Consent Laid Bare challenges the lingering inequality that reinforces this behaviour. It asks if consent is possible in a world where female sexuality has been hijacked by forces such as porn, patriarchy and male entitlement. It gives girls and women the encouragement to seek sex that is truly enjoyable and equips them with the information they need to properly consent. It asks boys and men to become advocates for sex centered around intimacy rather than fuelled by aggression.
It is a battle cry from a generation no longer prepared to stay silent.
Schizanthus Nerd 