Author: Schizanthus Nerd

Wayward Children #11: Through Gates of Garnet and Gold – Seanan McGuire

Illustrations – Rovina Cai

Nancy, who had rediscovered her Door and whose certainty was secure for years, has returned to Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children. She needs help from her fellow Waywards and you know what that means … It’s quest time!

It’s not January if we don’t go on a quest together. This time, we’re revisiting the Halls of the Dead! 

“I guess when your whole world is dead people, you start importing live ones to supplement the décor.” 

Although this series has inevitably lost some of the unpredictability present in the beginning, when we couldn’t really appreciate the diversity of realities that waited for us behind Doors, I remain sure about this series.

I will never tire of following Waywards through Doors and surreptitiously seeking my own. I will keep marvelling at the kinship of seemingly disparate characters who belong in worlds that operate in ways other characters could not abide but who connect because they understand what it’s like to be forced to live in a world that doesn’t make sense of or appreciate them.

I loved that this instalment brought so many of my favourites along for the ride and that I got a better understanding of Nancy’s world. 

There are some Wayward Children books where you can jump in without having already been through other Doors. This isn’t one of them. You need to know your Nonsense from your Logic and your Wicked from your Virtue to truly appreciate this return to Nancy’s world. If you haven’t already fallen in love with Sumi, Christopher and Kade, please do that first. 

“This is where I was meant to be from the beginning. I just started out in the wrong place.”

Once Upon a Blurb

After Nancy was cast out of the Halls of the Dead and forced to enroll at Eleanor West’s School for Wayward Children, she never believed she’d find her door again, and when she did, she didn’t look back. She disappeared from the school to resume her place in the Halls, never intending to return.

Years have passed. A darkness has descended on the Halls, and the living statues who populate them are dying at the hands of the already dead. The Lord and Lady who rule the land are helpless to stop the slaughter, forcing Nancy to leave the Halls again, this time on purpose, as she attempts to seek much-needed help from her former schoolmates.

But who would volunteer to quest in a world where the dead roam freely?

And why are the dead so intent on adding to their number?

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The Poorly Made and Other Things – Sam Rebelein

WELCOME TO HISTORIC RENFIELD COUNTY.

There’s Edenville College, with its sunflowers and nearby ice cream shop. There are roads that take you on a winding route beneath overhanging trees. There’s even a lake nearby.

Renfield County delivers everything the brochures promise, and more. It’s a great place to find your zen. You may come away feeling like a whole new you.

I hear Harv’s got an opening at his diner if you’re looking for work. It’s a great place to meet the locals; they’re an eclectic bunch.

There’s arts and crafts, and if you’re looking for a quirky souvenir, I’d recommend the cheery aprons. If you ask nicely, Ellie may even show you her collection of ceramic figurines.

If you’re into antiques, this is the place for you. The woodwork in this place is to die for.

This collection of short stories gave me everything I loved about Edenville. Go Crows! It also introduced me to even more locals I’m not likely to forget in a hurry and fleshed out the Renfield history I’d been craving.

History infects everything.

There are stories of deep despair and loneliness, and a reminder that the past is always lurking, ready to pounce on the present.

The body horror is absolutely delicious, the twists and turns are positively deadly and my need to spend even more time in Renfield County is growing. Some might say it’s spreading like a stain…

I tend to have mixed luck with short stories so approach them with a mixture of dread and cautious optimism these days. There’s nothing poorly made about this collection, though. There wasn’t a bad one in the bunch. My favourite was the first story.

Hector Brim evoked the same feelings Roald Dahl’s short stories gave me when I was likely too young to be reading them. They tasted of forbidden fruit taste and the reveals, which probably should have given me the urge to turn away, delighted me. Life has gotten in the way recently and this story rekindled in me the joy of escaping into another world.

And that, of course, is where things get weird.

Yes, I sent test emails to Rachel and Tom’s email addresses. No, they didn’t bounce back, but neither responded. Perhaps they’ve had other things on their minds.

Handy hint: don’t forget to feed the cats on Thursday.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Titan Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Once Upon a Blurb

“You remember all the stories, right? Monsters and giants and kid-eaters and that guy in the tub? Of course you do…”

There’s something wrong in Renfield County. It’s in the walls of the county’s historic houses, in the water, in the soil. But far worse than that — it’s embedded deep within everyone who lives here. From the detective desperate to avoid hurting his own family; to the man so consumed with feeling zen that he will pursue horrific, life-changing surgery to achieve it. From the townspeople taken by ancient, unknowable forces; to those who find themselves lost in the woods, pursued by the beasts who lurk within the trees. 

Yes, there’s something very wrong in Renfield County — something that has been very wrong for a very long time. Something that is watching. 

Something that is hungry.

From the mind of acclaimed author Sam Rebelein, return to the Bram Stoker Award-nominated world of Edenville in this interconnected series of short stories, and discover the true secrets of Renfield County.

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The Way Up is Death – Dan Hanks

When an impossible tower materialises in the sky above the UK, it quickly becomes a meme and is then pretty much ignored. Until a countdown begins and a single word, an instruction, appears.

ASCEND.

The tower, which cast a shadow over the town of Hope (read into that what you will), vanishes our 13 chosen ones from their everyday lives. Teleported to the base of the tower, their mission is clear. What’s not clear is the why, the who, the how or the what the fuck is going on.

I was anticipating the bloodshed. It is called The Way Up is Death, after all. This is escape room fun with a blend of pop culture and existentialism in a post pandemic world. There’s commentary; government, influencers, famous children’s book authors and AI are all up for grabs.

I’m pretty sure if I were one of the 13, I’d be thinking that if the way up is death, then maybe not ascending equals life. The tower has other ideas, though. Free will is not a constant companion up here.

I wasn’t expecting the bloodshed to be wrapped in a Matt Haig shaped hug. Early reviews warned me of the Matt Haig vibe and my initial thoughts were, ‘Surely not. This is going to be the horror/sci fi blend of my dreams.’

It was some of that but the readers before me were also right and I don’t know what to do with that disconnect, except to try to scrub it from my mind with the bloody entrails of those of the 13 who didn’t make it to the sentimental moments.

Like the tower giving the 13 clues to follow in order to ‘ascend’, I took the author’s descriptions of the characters at the beginning of the book as my own clues. A few characters were described in more detail than the others. They were the ones I paid the most attention to.

There’s Alden, a school teacher by day and musician by night, who’s weighed down by anxiety and grief. Nia is a talented designer that’s constantly spoken over and taken advantage of by her colleagues. Then there’s Dirk. Dirk’s a caricature who loves himself as intensely as you’re supposed to hate him.

The chapter titles sometimes acted as spoilers and although I absolutely adore the concept, the characters and different levels inside the tower weren’t fleshed out enough to entirely suck me in.

Although there wasn’t anyone I connected with enough to mourn, I enjoyed the interplay between the characters. The interactions often reminded me of Survivor, with some characters willing to make sacrifices while others would do whatever it takes to reach the top with a heartbeat.

I loved the connection with nature that flowed through the book and anticipating the dangers our chosen ones would encounter next.

“Go on then, nerds. Lead the way.”

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Angry Robot for the opportunity to read this book.

Once Upon a Blurb

When a mysterious tower appears in the skies over England, thirteen strangers are pulled from their lives to stand before it as a countdown begins. Above the doorway is one word: ASCEND.

As they try to understand why they’ve been chosen and what the tower is, it soon becomes clear the only way out of this for everyone is… up.

And so begins a race to the top with the group fighting to hold on to its humanity, through sinking ships, haunted houses and other waking nightmares. Can they each overcome their differences and learn to work together or does the winner take all? What does the tower want of them and what is the price to escape?

File Under: Pub Quiz | Die trying | It’s a trap | Game over, man

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The Watchers #2: Stay in the Light – A.M. Shine

When does a situation become so dire that the only choice is to surrender?

In a world where sequels are rarely better than the first book, this is an exception. I loved the claustrophobia and the threat that was unseen but most definitely heard for the majority of The Watchers.

Its cliffhanger had me searching for a sequel for the longest time. It wasn’t until I had given up hope that I finally found it and, boy, was it worth the wait!

‘Is this about Mina’s monsters?’

You’d better believe it!

Nighttime, which for so long carried the shrieks of unseen nightmares, continues to haunt Mina. She has daily contact with Ciara, who understands all too well the horrors that live in the dark. They have good reason to remain terrified.

They’re everywhere. They’ve been watching you.

Meanwhile, Sean Kilmartin has been continuing his father’s work since his disappearance three years ago. He believes he is on the verge of proving the sceptics wrong. Mina intends to stop him before it’s too late.

Nothing good ever came from beneath the earth, certainly not when a Kilmartin was involved.

Madeline, who I wasn’t overly sure of in the first book, was the standout here. I’ve loved watching her character evolve over the two books and can’t wait to see how her story ends up playing out.

Here, we learn more about the mythology and history of the Watchers. While the unknown generated its own fear in the first book, having an understanding of what they were capable of added a layer of dread and anticipation to this one.

Everything was bigger in this book: the locations, the screams, the bloodshed. Please, please read The Watchers first, though. This book includes major spoilers.

The set up for the third book (because there absolutely has to be a third book!) is even more dramatic than the first book’s cliffhanger. I just hope I don’t need to wait as long to get my hands on it. I need to see what happens in this world and who (or what) survives it.

Favourite no context quote:

History doesn’t sink over time. Tears keep it afloat.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Aries, an imprint of Head of Zeus, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

YOU MAY HAVE ESCAPED… BUT YOU’LL NEVER BE FREE.

After her terrifying experience at the hands of the Watchers, Mina has escaped to a cottage on the west coast of Ireland. She obsessively researches her former captors, desperate to find any way to prolong the safety of humankind.

When Mina encounters a stranger near her home, she fears the worst – for she knows the figure is not what it seems. Soon, people she has encountered start to disappear. 

Mina knows the Watchers’ power is growing. She flees for her life, but when she reports her fears she finds her sanity questioned. Can she convince people that the Watchers are real, and ready to strike – or will she suffer the fate she has dreaded since she first encountered those malevolent beings?

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Millicent Quibb #1: The Millicent Quibb School of Etiquette for Young Ladies of Mad Science – Kate McKinnon

Illustrations – Alfredo Cáceres

Your skin will harden, your bangs will burn, your minds will be trapped in a psychological prison of broken mirrors and strange echoes

Sound like fun? Come on in! The duck pond’s fine!

Narrated by Dr Candlestank, a mad scientist who gave me these vibes for some reason …

Kate McKinnon in Ghostbusters

… this is the story of the Porch sisters.

The Porch sisters

The Porch sisters aren’t like the rest of their family, not the least because their names don’t include Lavinia. It might also have something to do with their interests.

Eugenia likes rocks and explosions. Dee-Dee is mechanically minded. Gertrude is an entomologist in the making who has questions, like “what makes the purple feathers on pigeons sparkle and what makes soap bubbles have rainbows in them and where does a newt lay eggs and do cat whiskers feel anything and are guinea pigs related to pigs and how is a chilli pepper hot and things like that.”

Good questions, the answers of which are not going to be found at Mrs Wintermacher’s School of Etiquette for Girls. If only there was a school that catered to the strange and unusual…

Millicent Quibb

Meet Millicent Quibb. Strange. Unusual. Mad scientist.

“Look – I know I’m ‘scary’ and my house is ‘a hoard’ and there are ‘tarantulas everywhere’. I’m not ‘good with children’ and I don’t ‘have social skills’. I was ‘kicked out of etiquette school when I was young’ and now I’m ‘a pariah’.”

Did I mention she runs a school? The Porch sisters are in need of a school and Millicent is in need of, well…

“So you want us, a group of children with no skills at all, to help you protect the town against a hidden organisation of evil mad scientists?”

“Yes. You’re finally getting it.”

We’re doomed! Or are we?

I’m very aware of the pushback against children’s books written by celebrities and I usually bypass them. This one grabbed my attention, though. Adult me enjoyed it but not quite as much as kid me would have, probably in part because I kept thinking of all of the kid’s books on my TBR pile that aren’t written by celebrities.

Putting that aside for a moment, this madcap adventure (with footnotes) felt similar to my first read of Roald Dahl books when I was a kid, over the top bonkers fun. Alfredo Cáceres’ illustrations helped amplify the quirky.

I loved seeing outcasts being true to themselves, refusing to be squished into boxes that conform to society’s expectations.

“We are about to embark on a long, dangerous mission for which none of us is qualified.”

Thank you so much to NetGalley and HarperCollins Children’s Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Gertrude, Eugenia, and Dee-Dee Porch do not belong. They don’t belong in the snooty town of Antiquarium, where the only dog allowed is the bichon frise. They don’t belong with their adoptive family, where all their cousins are named Lavinia. And after getting kicked out of the last etiquette school that would take them, the girls expect to be sent away for good… until they receive a mysterious invitation.

Suddenly the girls are under the tutelage of the infamous Millicent Quibb – a mad scientist with worms in her hair and oysters in her bathtub. Dangerous? Yes! More fun than they’ve ever had? Absolutely! But when the sisters are asked to save their town from an evil cabal of mad scientists, they must learn to embrace what has always made them stand out – before it’s too late!

Perfect for fans of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Millicent Quibb School of Etiquette for Young Ladies of Mad Science is the unbelievably hilarious, madcap adventure debut from comedic superstar Kate McKinnon – an unforgettable and laugh-out-loud funny story, and a warm-hearted celebration of individuality, imagination, and eccentricity.

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We Kept Her in the Cellar – W. R. Gorman

I love a good retelling. I rewatched Ever After (yet again!) while I was reading this book and I adored it even more than I did when I first saw it, oh, about 25 years ago. This is not that retelling.

This Cinderella is the family secret for entirely different reasons.

Cinderella, when she comes, will show no mercy.

Cinderella is 12 years old when she arrives at the manor and meets her new stepsisters, Eunice (11) and Hortense (5). Told from the perspective of one of Cinderella’s wicked stepsisters, you’ll quickly learn why this Cinderella comes with her own set of rules.

“To see her, as she truly is – it would undo you.”

You see, this Cinderella story has teeth. She’s actually kinda bitey so you might want to maintain a safe distance. Beware of loopholes and be especially careful after midnight.

Kept underground, this Cinderella is more often than not out of sight. She is rarely out of mind.

With copious amounts of vomit splashing across the pages, this is not going to be everyone’s happily ever after. The body horror was everything I hoped it would be and I had so much fun racing through this book.

Hortense, my favourite character, brought the attitude and bugs. She also managed to snag the best lines.

Favourite no context quote:

“Stop, you’re getting tears in my hair!” protested Hortense. “If you’re going to be throwing your bodily fluids around, you could at least have the decency to put them in a glass jar, so I can look at them more closely later.”

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Crooked Lane Books, an imprint of The Quick Brown Fox & Company, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Eunice lives her life by three simple rules: One, always refer to Cinderella as family. Two, never let Cinderella gain access to rats or mice. Three, never look upon Cinderella between the hours of twelve and three a.m. 

Cinderella has dark and terrifying powers. As her stepsister, Eunice is expected to care for her and keep the family’s secret. For years, Eunice has faithfully done so. Her childhood flew by in a blur of nightmares, tears, and near-misses with the monster living in the cellar. But when she befriends the handsome Prince Credence and secures an invitation to the ball, Eunice is determined to break free. 

When her younger sister, Hortense, steps up to care for Cinderella, Eunice grabs her chance to dance the night away — until Cinderella escapes. With her eldritch powers, Cinderella attends the ball and sweeps Prince Credence off his feet, leaving behind a trail of carnage and destruction as well as a single green glass slipper.   

With Cinderella unleashed, Eunice must determine how much of herself she is willing to sacrifice in order to stop Cinderella. Unsettling and macabre at every turn, this page-turning horror will bewitch horror fans and leave its readers anxiously checking the locks on their cellar doors.

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The Ballerina of Auschwitz – Edith Eger, with Esmé Schwal

Editor – Jordan Engle

If I survive today, tomorrow I’ll be free.

I finished reading this book a few days before Edie celebrated her 97th birthday. Revisiting her story at this time, it struck me again how close she came to not surviving to adulthood. If not for a loaf of bread…

After everything she experienced at Auschwitz, Edie could have chosen to retreat from the world, consumed by bitterness and resentment. Instead, she has used her pain to create a life where she offers hope, wisdom and a heart that clearly still dances to others. Her family. Her clients. Her students. A lifetime of connections across the world.

I was first introduced to Edie’s story in 2020. I’ve read The Choice and The Gift, and participated the first time her masterclass, Unlocking Your Potential, was offered. I feel like I know Edie’s story quite well at this point.

This book, adapted from The Choice but with about 30 percent new content, tells Edie’s story without interruption. It explores her life before, during and a short time after Auschwitz from the perspective of the teenager she was at the time.

You’ll be introduced to her first love, witness some of the horrors beyond the gate that bears the words Arbeit macht frei and learn how Edie began to pick up the pieces of her life after she survived against all odds.

I was longing to share with you the tools that helped me survive the unthinkable, longing for you to know that a story of humans’ capacity for evil is also a story of our inexorable capacity for hope.

Edie’s story is one I will never forget. No matter how many times I read or hear it, it never loses the impact of the first telling. Her courage, time and time again, when one wrong decision would have resulted in her death, baffles me.

“Just remember, no one can take away from you what you’ve put in your mind.”

Her resilience in the aftermath of experiences that render trauma too small a word inspires me. The choices she has made to turn unimaginable evil into a life that is a beacon of light gives me hope. If Edie can do it, we can too.

We can’t ever change what’s happened to us. We can’t alter the past or control what’s coming around the next corner. But we can choose how we live now. We can choose whom and how to love.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Rider, an imprint of Ebury Press, Penguin Random House UK, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

In 1944, sixteen year old ballerina Edith was sent to Auschwitz and endured unimaginable experiences. When the camp was finally liberated, she was pulled from a pile of bodies, barely alive.

Celebrated therapist and Holocaust survivor Edith Eger captivated millions with her incredible tale of survival and strength in her bestselling book The Choice.

Now, in The Ballerina of Auschwitz, Edith revisits her wartime experiences in a deeply personal retelling, through the eyes and emotions of her teenage self. Through this reworking of her poignant narrative, Edith brings readers of all ages into the heart of her experiences, offering a compelling message of hope and resilience that will ensure her story is never forgotten.

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The Norendy Tales #2: The Hotel Balzaar – Kate DiCamillo

Illustrations – Júlia Sardà

Marta spends her days counting the stairs between the attic and the lobby of the Hotel Balzaar. She uses the back stairs, never the elevator. In the lobby, she is careful not to touch anything and is as quiet as a mouse.

She watches a cat and mouse engage in a never ending chase. She observes a wing and Norman, the positively ancient bellman, who sleeps with a smile. Marta does this while Mama cleans.

Every day is the same. Stairs. Cat. Mouse. Wing. Norman. Until it’s not.

Checking into Room 314 is a countess and Blitzkoff, her green parrot. The countess sees the girl who is not supposed to be seen.

“Come as soon as you can. I have a story to tell you. It is a story that you will find quite interesting, I’m sure.”

When the countess tells the first of seven promised stories, Marta thinks she has found a connection between it and her life, but surely that’s not possible. The stories aren’t real, after all.

Perhaps I am only imagining all this.

Over the past six years, Kate DiCamillo has become one of my favourite authors. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t wait to dive into my next read because, without fail, I leave the worlds she creates feeling better about this one.

Here Kate introduces us to a young girl waking up every day with uncertainty. She hasn’t heard from her father, who is at war, for over a year. Her mother has lost hope.

Kate brings characters into my life that I become invested in almost immediately. Her books have the nostalgic feel of a childhood favourite and don’t lose their magic during rereads.

The joy of learning Bastian was connected to The Neverending Story was replicated here when I saw elements from the beginning of this book come full circle as it progressed. An early illustration confirms that you are in the same world as The Puppets of Spelhorst and while the connections between the two aren’t specifically mentioned, I found some potential crossovers.

I would not have appreciated this book as much if I’d read it as a child. Adult me loved it. I’m sure there are connections I haven’t made yet between the series of stories which seem to have no end that the countess shares.

One of the themes of this book is keeping hope alive and my favourite quote spoke to this.

“It takes no courage at all to doubt, Marta,” she said. “And we are not beyond rescue. We are never beyond rescue.”

I can’t wait for the next Norendy Tale.

Thank you so much to Walker Books for the opportunity to read this novella.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

At the Hotel Balzaar, Marta’s mother rises before the sun, puts on her uniform, and instructs Marta to roam as she will but quietly, invisibly — like a little mouse. While her mother cleans rooms, Marta slips down the back staircase to the grand lobby to chat with the bellman, study the painting of an angel’s wing over the fireplace, and watch a cat chase a mouse around the face of the grandfather clock, all the while dreaming of the return of her soldier father, who has gone missing. One day, a mysterious countess with a parrot checks in, promising a story — in fact, seven stories in all, each to be told in its proper order. As the stories unfold, Marta begins to wonder: could the secret to her father’s disappearance lie in the countess’s tales? Book two in a trio of novellas bound by place and mood — with elegant line art by Júlia Sardà — The Hotel Balzaar masterfully juggles yearning and belief, shining light into every dark corner.

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Manga Biographies: Charles M. Schulz – Yuzuru Kuki

Translator – Mari Morimoto

Born on 26 November 1922, Charles ‘Sparky’ Schulz grew up to become one of the world’s most famous cartoonists. A childhood love of comic strips led Charles to creating Peanuts, which ran for 17,897 strips.

Peanuts in print

Charles was so dedicated to his work that he finished the weekday strips six weeks before their deadline and the Sunday strips ten weeks before theirs. He took his first vacation at 75! Yes, he worked during the vacation. He couldn’t help himself.

I’ve known Snoopy my whole life. The first stuffed toy I was given when I was a baby was Snoopy. One of my only childhood books that came with me into adulthood is a much loved Peanuts paperback. I learned what the characters sounded like watching It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown when I was a kid. One of my favourite cross stitches is of Lucy and her ‘the doctor is in’ sign.

Charlie Brown is a boy who never loses hope, no matter how disheartened he is.

Whenever I see a book collecting Peanuts strips, I am compelled to read it. The characters feel like childhood friends at this point but this is the first time I’ve spent time with them in a manga. It’s also the first time I’ve been introduced to the man behind the characters and I’ve got to say, I’m a fan!

Intro to Charles

I absolutely loved finding connections between Charles’ life and his characters. Charles’ childhood dog, Spike, became the inspiration for Snoopy. The mother of his childhood friend, Shermy, played Beethoven on the piano. Charles was unlucky when he was a kid. When he taught at the art school he graduated from, Charles’ coworkers included Linus and Charlie Brown. His first love became the inspiration for the red haired girl.

I’m keen to read a biography to learn even more about him.

Fun fact: Snoopy’s birthday is 10 August.

I wasn’t expecting to get all misty eyed reading about the creator of some of my all time favourite kids (and Snoopy) but the end got to me.

Charles announced his retirement on 14 December 1999. The final Sunday strip was published on 13 February 2000. Charles died in his sleep a few hours before it hit the stands.

I had the thought that the creator and creation were so intertwined after so many decades that they couldn’t live without each other. It struck me as so sad and strangely beautiful at the same time.

That’s what Charles M. Schulz spent his life creating … a comic strip that showed the ups and downs of life, love, and friendship.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and UDON Entertainment for the opportunity to read this manga.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Charles M. Schulz is the creator of Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Woodstock, and many more wonderful characters who inhabit the world of Peanuts. Now, learn how a shy, young Schulz first became a cartoonist and how he spent nearly 50 years drawing the beloved newspaper comic strip which has captivated the hearts of readers worldwide.

The Manga Biographies series explores the fascinating lives of legendary figures who accomplished extraordinary feats, all told through the fantastic lens of Japanese manga storytelling.

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Coup de Grâce – Sofia Ajram

Reading this book is what I imagine a hallucination feels like. It takes you inside the mind of someone with suicidal ideation but then twists it into something Escheresque.

Today is Vick’s last day. When he gets off this train he’s going to end his life. However, things don’t exactly go to plan.

It gradually dawns on me that I’ve been denied a destination, caught in a transitional environment, a space between beginning and an end.

There’s the dread of anxiety and the muted colours of depression. There’s the wandering through life without purpose, turning a corner and finding you’re back where you started. There’s the isolation of feeling like there’s no way out. It’s bleak and confusing, and there are choices to be made.

We are small in this place; silence its judgement and indifference our condemnation.

This is a strange novella. I’m not entirely sure where I sit on the love-hate continuum. I loved how experimental and disorienting it felt. I didn’t always love the descriptions, which sometimes landed on using the most obscure word in the thesaurus. I loved that the … journey (for lack of a better word) embodied the hopelessness of suicidal ideation.

For a kid that lived for choose your own adventure, I didn’t love that aspect and that’s what’s sticking with me. I was uncomfortable making decisions that would result in how Vick’s story ended. Yes, this is fiction but apparently that doesn’t change how I feel about this.

I’m not on board with trying to make other people responsible for you. For better or worse, your actions are your own.

Having friends who have experienced suicidal ideation as well as having been there myself, I cannot emphasise enough the value of appropriate support and resources when it feels like there are no good choices.

A list of international suicide hotlines can be found here.

Favourite no context quote:

Isn’t that what sickness is? A violence, in need of direction, channeled inward?

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Titan Books for the opportunity to read this novella.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Vicken has a plan: throw himself into the Saint Lawrence River in Montreal and end it all for good, believing it to be the only way out for him after a lifetime of depression and pain. But, stepping off the subway, he finds himself in an endless, looping station.

Determined to find a way out again, he starts to explore the rooms and corridors ahead of him. But no matter how many claustrophobic hallways or vast cathedral-esque rooms he passes through, the exit is nowhere in sight.

The more he explores his strange new prison, the more he becomes convinced that he hasn’t been trapped there accidentally, and amongst the shadows and concrete, he comes to realise that he almost certainly is not alone.

A terrifying psychological nightmare from a powerful new voice in horror.

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