Tag: Sexual Assault

Written on the Body – Lexie Bean (editor)

You know those books that leave you without words? I don’t, which is why this review has been so hard to write. I’m one of those people that has so many opinions that I’ve got opinions about my own opinions. Seriously!

I finished reading Written on the Body: Letters from Trans and Non-Binary Survivors of Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence almost two weeks ago and the stories have been resonating within me ever since. I started this book thinking about my own experiences with sexual assault and domestic violence.

I wondered if I would have the courage to write a letter to one of my body parts. What body part would I choose? What would I want or need to say to it? Would I have the courage to write the letter anywhere but in my mind where no one could accidentally stumble across it? If I did manage to write that letter who would I trust to show it to? Regardless of your history I’d encourage you to think about those questions for yourself. It’s really quite a daunting prospect, isn’t it?

I thought about experiences shared with other sexual assault and domestic violence survivors over the years and how we’ve connected over shared thoughts and feelings, regardless of the legal terminology of what was perpetrated against us. The survivors I’ve had the opportunity to share with so far have been cis women and men, and they’re some of the bravest people I know.

I wondered if I could ever claim to understand what a trans or non-binary sexual assault or domestic violence survivor has experienced. While I’m fairly confident there’d be aspects of their story that I could relate to based on my own experiences, as a cis woman I can’t and won’t claim to understand what it’s like to be trans or non-binary. To be trans or non-binary in today’s society and then compound that with (in so many survivors) countless experiences of abuse by multiple perpetrators? I can’t even begin to imagine.

We need books like this one to open our eyes to the pain of those who’ve experienced the unthinkable and the incredible ability people have to overcome what was intended to destroy. While you can never really walk in someone else’s shoes, by reading this book you have the honour of being granted permission to truly see aspects of people that are usually hidden by façades.

You’ll likely feel practically everything in your emotional range while reading and due to the content I’d advise against reading it all at once. Different writing styles and content provide varied reading experiences throughout the book. Some letters were poetic. Others were visceral. There’s so much heartbreaking trauma content, yet there’s also so much strength and hope.

While considering the courage of the people who have contributed to this book, a quote from Brené Brown’s I Thought It Was Just Me came to mind. Brené explains eloquently what I cannot:

”Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences – good and bad.”

To the survivors who have contributed to this book, there are so many things I want to say to you, amongst which are … I hear you. I believe you. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in awe of your courage. You are extraordinary!

If I could choose just one really powerful quote from this book:

“What they didn’t know is that I’m trying to heal from what happened to me; I’m not trying to heal from who I am.”

Lexie Bean

How do you rate a book like this? I don’t think you can rate someone’s experience so instead I’m rating the courage, the heart, of the people who have not only looked within themselves to come up with words that reflect their experience but have also had the bravery to shine a light on them. To me that deserves nothing less than ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to read this book. I feel honoured to have read it.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Written by and for trans and non-binary survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, Written on the Body offers support, guidance and hope for those who struggle to find safety at home, in the body, and other unwelcoming places.

This collection of letters written to body parts weaves together narratives of gender, identity, and abuse. It is the coming together of those who have been fragmented and often met with disbelief. The book holds the concerns and truths that many trans people share while offering space for dialogue and reclamation.

Written with intelligence and intimacy, this book is for those who have found power in re-shaping their bodies, families and lives. 

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The Witch Doesn’t Burn in This One – Amanda Lovelace

⚠️ Warning – High Probability of Unpopular Opinions Ahead ⚠️

I’ve read Amanda Lovelace’s the witch doesn’t burn in this one twice now. I wasn’t familiar with Amanda’s poetry and was intrigued so read it immediately after I downloaded it. I had strong contradictory feelings about it and wanted to know how I’d feel after it sat with me for a while and then reread it. So, here we are straight after the reread.

My review may well feel like one big soapbox moment but if this book has reminded me of anything it’s that I am entitled to speak my truth and you are just as entitled to speak yours, whether we agree or not.

What I Loved

The Girl Power – I’m all about women speaking their truth. I love anyone of any gender overcoming adversity and stereotypes to achieve what others told them was impossible for them. I love strong role models and people who are able to transform what could have destroyed them into something that’s able to inspire others.

This Book Being Published – Just the fact that a woman who’s openly refuting the patriarchy and speaking her passionate truth has had her words published for anyone who wants to read them is a triumph. Sure, western society as a whole has a long, long way to go in terms of equality, glass ceilings, you name it. But this book has been published. This woman has not been silenced. We are free to read or not read it, and we are free to have our own opinions about it, even if they differ from other people.

What I Didn’t Love

The Generalisation of Men – While I certainly acknowledge the unfathomable acts that some men have perpetrated against women and have known my fair share of them, I also want to acknowledge all of the men that don’t fit in the perpetrator category. I know some extraordinary men who I know I could trust with my life and I don’t think it’s fair to make sweeping statements that are true of some but certainly not all. Yes, I realise this book isn’t about the trustworthy, respectful men but sometimes I worry that by generalising and only pointing out the bad (that I don’t deny is there), we forget to recognise those who have a positive impact on those whose lives they touch.

The Style of Poetry – By all of the positive feedback this collection is receiving it’s obvious this poet and her writing is resonating with a lot of people. It’s just not the type of poetry I typically enjoy and while I felt like shouting out a “Woohoo! Girl power!” at the beginning, by the end the almost constant rage against patriarchy and men exhausted me. There were a couple of instances of positivity such as “we can’t lose our empathy” and “you can be benevolent & love this world back to life”, but I felt emotionally and physically drained when I finished reading.

If you loved this book and were empowered by it, that’s fantastic. I do expect it will be very well received by plenty of people. I think in the end it boils down to this book and I not being made for one another.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The witch: supernaturally powerful, inscrutably independent, and now – indestructible. These moving, relatable poems encourage resilience and embolden women to take control of their own stories. Enemies try to judge, oppress, and marginalize her, but the witch doesn’t burn in this one.

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Peach – Emma Glass

I hate giving a low rating to any book. I have such admiration for authors – for the blood, sweat and tears that go into writing a book in the first place, then having to navigate the publishing world and subjecting themselves to readers who can lift them up or tear them down with their words.

If you are interested in reading this book, please don’t just go by my review. There are a lot of 5 star reviews for this book as well, and who knows, maybe you’ll be adding one yourself after reading it. My review comes from a place of confusion and ‘this wasn’t the book for me’ rather than malice. I applaud the author for successfully navigating the publishing world and for the many positive reviews I’ve read.

Having said that … my brain hurts! Had I borrowed this book from the library instead of requesting an ARC I would not have finished it.

You know those books that hoity-toity book clubs rave about with their “literary masterpiece” this and their “author stunned with their use of [some big fancy word that the general population can neither spell nor use in a sentence]” that? You may listen to these people and smile and nod, but on the inside you’re thinking, ‘How did you get that from this book?’ and ‘I must be completely stupid. I have no idea what you’re going on about.’ I think that’s going to be the unfortunate fate of this book; a polarising “most exquisite piece of writing ever!” or “what the hell did I just read?!”

Reading like a stream of consciousness, Peach (the novella) opens with Peach (the person) having just been brutally sexually assaulted and follows her down the rabbit trail of its physical, emotional and psychological aftermath. I came away from Peach having very little grasp on which words were literal, fantasy, hallucination, nightmare or flashback – and I’m not sure I was supposed to. I can handle gruesome, triggery books, I understand the internal turmoil following sexual assault and revenge fantasies, but I. don’t. UndErsTand. This. book.

Which brings me to the writing style. There are so many one word sentences, some sentences start with a capital letter and others don’t, words have randomly capitalised letters scattered through them. I expect it was deliberate, intentionally messy and disjointed to reflect the emotional state of Peach and her internal dialogue, but I just found it messy. I understood what was happening (sometimes) but I couldn’t figure out if the author was going for prose, poetry, some combination or something else entirely.

There’s the use of food to describe people, including:

  • The rapist / stalker / maker of creepy hand delivered notes with words cut out of magazines, Lincoln, is sausage, pork, oily, greasy, slimy
  • Mr Custard, college biology teacher made of custard
  • Baby, Peach’s brother who remains unnamed is icing sugar, jelly.

Mam and Dad are overtly sexual, so much so that I found it as uncomfortable to read as I did the sexual assault. Speaking of Green, Peach’s boyfriend, the same evening of his daughter’s sexual assault –

“You make such a cute couple, and the sex sounds amazing, says Dad.”

Immediately following his daughter’s face flushing red with embarrassment,

“It’s okay, Peach. Sex is a good thing. Me and Mam do it all the time. We just did it now on the kitchen table. It’s human nature, Peach, don’t be embarrassed. Green is a lucky guy. Most girls won’t put out until they’re married. But not our Peach. and we’re proud of you.”

I’m sorry, what??? Then good ol’ Mam and Dad, along with boyfriend Green remain oblivious to what Peach is going through for the entire novella.

So, just two of my multitude of unanswered questions:

  • Why does Peach’s stomach continually grow larger and larger and larger?
  • What really happened in the end?

Colour me confused!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Bloomsbury Circus, an imprint of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc (UK & ANZ) for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Slip the pin through the skin. Start stitching.
It doesn’t sting. It does bleed. White thread turns red.
Red string. Going in. Going out. I pull. Tug. 
Tug the pin. In. Out. Out. Out. Blackout.

Something has happened to Peach. Blood runs down her legs and the scent of charred meat lingers on her flesh. It hurts to walk but she staggers home to parents that don’t seem to notice. They can’t keep their hands off each other and besides, they have a new infant, sweet and wobbly as a jelly baby. 

Peach must patch herself up alone so she can go to college and see her boyfriend, Green. But sleeping is hard when she is haunted by the gaping memory of a mouth, and working is hard when burning sausage fat fills her nostrils, and eating is impossible when her stomach is swollen tight as a drum. 

In this dazzling debut, Emma Glass articulates the unspeakable with breath-taking clarity and verve. Intensely physical, with rhythmic, visceral prose, Peach marks the arrival of a visionary new voice.

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Missing Molly – Natalie Barelli

When I first saw the cover for Missing Molly I wasn’t overly interested in the book as it’s fairly generic and doesn’t really capture your imagination. The blurb, however, really grabbed my attention and I had to read it.

Rachel Holloway works for a small struggling newspaper, the South Hackney Herald, and to try to generate some much needed interest and advertising dollars the team decide to embark upon a new venture – podcasting. Piggybacking off the idea of Serial, an extraordinarily popular investigative podcast, the Herald team decide to focus on a nearby unsolved true crime story.

They’re going to find Molly Forster, whose parents and older sister were murdered fifteen year ago when she was a child. Molly has been missing ever since. The problem is that Rachel Holloway is Molly Forster and there’s a good reason why she doesn’t want to be found.

While I was definitely interested in knowing what came next and I enjoyed the slow reveal of the information discovered during the investigation and its impact on the various characters, I don’t imagine it’s going to be one of those books that lingers in my mind, with me thinking about the characters weeks later. I didn’t particularly love or hate any of the characters and unfortunately I didn’t emotionally connect to any of them.

I was entertained and I liked the guessing game of whether Rachel really was Molly or if in fact she was psychotic, although I found myself searching for red herrings that I never found and didn’t get caught up in unexpected twists and turns like I’d hoped. There was one incident that initially surprised me but one I’d read it it made perfect sense and I was able to come up with the reasons behind this and who had done what quite easily.

Favourite quote:

“Memories, unpleasant ones, are like a scab. You hate them but you pick at them anyway”

Thank you so much to NetGalley, The Last Bureau and Pikko’s House for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Everyone has secrets, and Rachel Holloway is no exception. She’s worked hard to keep the past where it belongs: dead and buried. And so far, she’s been very successful. 

But now the small newspaper where she works wants to produce a podcast on a cold case: the disappearance twelve years ago of little Molly Forster.

Some secrets should never see the light of day, and as far as Rachel is concerned, whatever happened to little Molly is one of them. Rachel has a life now, a boyfriend she loves and a three-year-old daughter she adores, and she will do anything to protect them. 

But to do that, no one can ever know that she is Molly Forster.

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Ellery Hathaway #1: The Vanishing Season – Joanna Schaffhausen

I’ve done it! I’ve finally done it!! I’ve found an author whose writing is worthy of being compared to Tess Gerritsen in a sentence like “I’ve finally found an author as good as Tess” or “This book had everything I love about Tess books and more, and it’s not even written by Tess!”

Friends, please allow me to introduce you (if you haven’t already discovered her) to Joanna Schaffhausen. I’m going to go out on a limb here and call it early … remember this name because Joanna’s ability to immerse you in her character’s world has bestseller written all over it. I feel as though nothing I say here can possibly do justice to her debut but I’ll give it a shot and encourage you to read it yourself so we can gush together about how much we loved it.

Ellery Hathaway is the sole survivor of infamous serial killer Francis Michael Coben. Saved by Agent Reed Markham before she became Coben’s seventeenth murder victim, Ellery now works as a police officer in a quiet town where no one knows who she really is. She is the only one who believes there’s a link between three seemingly unconnected disappearances in three years in her town, which all occurred around her birthday, the day she was abducted fourteen years ago. Ellery’s next birthday is approaching and she calls Reed, knowing he is the only one who will believe her.

I wanted to both rush through The Vanishing Season and read as slowly as possible to draw the experience of the first read out for as long as possible. I became immersed by about paragraph 3 and each time I came back to where I’d left the story I got sucked straight back in. I wound up so engaged that I didn’t realise I’d said, not thought, “I knew it!” until one of the people that had been respectfully honouring my ‘don’t you dare interrupt me until I finish my book or there will be dire consequences’ look came from the other side of the house to find out what my outburst was about. Oops!

I know a book has its hooks in me when I start repeating a phrase to myself while reading, as if the number of times I repeat it can magically increase the likelihood of my being able to influence the outcome. Yes, in my mind I wield that much power! In this case I had two magical phrases:

  1. “Please don’t let Bump die!”
  2. “Let the killer be anyone but 🤚.” (And, no, I’m not telling you who the hand represents but it seemed an appropriate substitute given the content of the book.)

I adored Bump. The loyal and trustworthy male in Ellery’s life, Bump is a basset hound who loves walks and rides in the car, liberally distributing slobber over humans he likes and dreams of the day when someone will accidentally drop a piece of chocolate in his vicinity. Also, the story surrounding the choice of his name is wonderful and dog owners everywhere will relate and wonder why they didn’t think of naming their dog Bump.

I loved the people characters as well. No one was perfect. All of the major players had pasts which influenced the way they thought and acted in the situation they found themselves in. There were questionable ethics and life choices, secrets galore and issues surrounding trust were hiding beneath the surface, and shame and guilt were both explored.

I really enjoyed Ellery and Brady’s banter. Their friendship felt comfortable and their bond over 80’s music and quips about what they disagreed on made me feel like I was being included. I almost wanted to add my own opinion a couple of times. I’m looking forward to reading Ellery and Reed banter in future books. There were hints of it here but good banter takes time to develop in a friendship so I’m thankful it didn’t happen immediately.

Coben gave me a what a fantastic yet disgusting and interesting in a disturbing way vibe that was similar to the way I felt when reading about Hannibal Lecter. Which brings me to the gore. It was gruesome enough to satisfy the disturbed side of me that watches B grade movies in part to cheer when the gigantic shark leaps out of the water and takes down a plane, yet it wasn’t so focused on the brutality of the murders that it detracted from the interactions between characters and the mystery of who was behind the murders and why.

The references to sexual assault are not gratuitous by any means but I felt the character directly affected was so realistic that if this has been your experience you are likely to see parts of your own response mirrored back at you (which incidentally I applaud because life after sexual assault is rarely written well). I wasn’t personally triggered while reading, instead feeling hopeful when I encountered ‘me, too’ moments.

I’m always interested, when someone is rescued after being kidnapped or otherwise traumatised, in what happens next. What becomes of the survivor? What does their life look like now compared to what it looked like prior to whatever happened to them? How do they cope? Do they think they’re a victim or a survivor? So many books that explore the effects of sexual assault portray the person who experiences it as either a victim hiding from the world in a corner or someone who’s taking on the world and has no residual physical or psychological impacts in their life.

The character in The Vanishing Season who’s been sexually assaulted was irrevocably changed by their experiences and is a wonderful mix of strength and vulnerability. They’ve overcome so much but there are still physical reminders on their body and in their home that speak to the pain they carry with them. They’re at a point in their life where they’ve worked so hard to no longer be the victim yet they still feel the need to hide. I loved the dichotomies and the implication that healing from sexual assault isn’t a one size fits all process.

If I were to nitpick I’d tell you that I wanted more details of the Big Bad’s background. It’s not as though we don’t know some pivotal moments in their life that help set their particular brand of crazy in motion and we’re given access to the twisted way they think, but I wanted more. To be fair, I have an obsession interest in what causes people with similar genetic and environmental factors to take drastically different paths in life, so my need to know more says more about me than it does about this book. I was also left wanting to know what happens to Anna after the book finished.

And now for your chance to laugh at and with me, I’ll tell you my favourite How Stupid Am I moment I encountered while reading. Initially when I read the town’s name I got Woodbury confused with Woodsboro and for a while I was thinking of how funny it would be if there was a cameo of some random person in a Scream mask running through a scene. 🤪

I love debut novels but I often wind up disappointed by a feeling of knowing how good a book could have been if only that brilliant idea had the execution you usually only expect with experience. Joanna’s debut had the excitement of a first time author’s passion but was written with the character development, story arc, backstories, delightful twists and sucked into a reading black hole ability I only expect of the greats once they’ve found their feet. There were some sentences where the imagery made it feel like I was reading poetry.

I don’t even know Joanna yet I feel proud of her for writing such an impressive debut. If this is what she can accomplish with a first novel I can only imagine how much fun it’s going to be to read her future novels. If anyone has any spare stars I’d love to borrow some because ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ aren’t enough.

Thank you to NetGalley, Minotaur Books and St. Martin’s Press for ✨ granting my wish ✨ and giving me this opportunity to read this book. I don’t know if I can wait for the next Ellery/Reed/Bump book to be released. I’ve found a new author whose books will be added to my to be read list sight unseen.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Ellery Hathaway knows a thing or two about serial killers, but not through her police training. She’s an officer in sleepy Woodbury, MA, where a bicycle theft still makes the newspapers. No one there knows she was once victim number seventeen in the grisly story of serial killer Francis Michael Coben. The only victim who lived. 

When three people disappear from her town in three years, all around her birthday – the day she was kidnapped so long ago – Ellery fears someone knows her secret. Someone very dangerous. Her superiors dismiss her concerns, but Ellery knows the vanishing season is coming and anyone could be next. She contacts the one man she knows will believe her: the FBI agent who saved her from a killer’s closet all those years ago.

Agent Reed Markham made his name and fame on the back of the Coben case, but his fortunes have since turned. His marriage is in shambles, his bosses think he’s washed up, and worst of all, he blew a major investigation. When Ellery calls him, he can’t help but wonder: sure, he rescued her, but was she ever truly saved? His greatest triumph is Ellery’s waking nightmare, and now both of them are about to be sucked into the past, back to the case that made them … with a killer who can’t let go.

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#MeToo: Essays About How and Why This Happened, What It Means and How to Make Sure it Never Happens Again – Lori Perkins

Before I begin, please be warned that there are potential sexual assault triggers in this book and possibly this review. If you have a #MeToo story, whether you’ve shared it or not, whether it happened yesterday or decades ago, you are stronger than you think you are and healing is possible.

#MeToo – Essays About How and Why This Happened, What it Means and How to Make Sure it Never Happens Again delivers what it promises. While I personally connected with some essays more than others, overall this book does a really good job of shedding a light on this … I don’t want to call it a movement because that implies an ending. Perhaps cultural shift is a more hopeful term?

Some of the essays were political and others were heart wrenching accounts of experiences people have survived. Written by males and females, some who’ve experienced sexual assault and some who haven’t, I appreciated the different viewpoints and the opportunity to consider opinions that differed from my own.

I think my personal favourite was the first essay, where I learned of Patricia Douglas, who in 1937 was the first woman to “publicly call out the studios”. We’ve been inundated with news items of men and women silenced for so long bravely coming forward and telling their #MeToo stories. Knowing how difficult this is for survivors today I can only imagine the courage it must have taken for Patricia Douglas to speak of this in 1937. That is one extraordinary woman!

I could go into detail about the contents of each essay, what I liked, what irritated me, what encouraged me to want to do more in this area, but what I’d really like is for you to read it yourself. Riverdale Avenue Books has committed to making this ebook available to download FOR FREE across platforms and are selling the paperback at cost, so they’re not making money from this project.

While you’re reading, please be safe if there are likely to be triggers for you and reach out for support if you need to, but also:

  • Think about the issues (painful as they are).
  • Consider what you personally have the power to do to make sure we’re not talking about this time in history as a movement that could have been the catalyst for lasting change, if only …

One of the things I love about #MeToo is that people who have been living in silence are finding their voices. Survivors are finding the support they deserve and I hope they’re accessing services that can help them navigate healing.

I could tell you my #MeToo story but I think I’ll give you a lesson in your response when someone tells you their #Metoo story. Believe me when I say that your response, especially if you’re the first person they’ve told, can make all the difference.

Now, some of these are outrageous in their insensitivity whereas others are more subtly damaging but I’ve heard every one. Please don’t say any of these to a survivor.

  • “What did you do to make him think he could?” – a friend
  • “What were you wearing?” – a friend
  • “He was only being affectionate.” – his wife
  • “How many seconds/minutes did it happen for?” – teacher in charge of student welfare, said in the context of if it didn’t last long enough it didn’t count
  • “He told me what happened and he said that he didn’t mean to. It was an accident.” – his wife
  • “Did you enjoy having sex with him? Is that why you didn’t tell earlier?” – a friend’s mother who worked as a nurse who primarily cared for abused children
  • “Are you sure he did that?” – a friend
  • “It couldn’t have possibly happened the way you described.” – the detective investigating my case
  • “He told us what you said about him. You embarrassed us and we didn’t know what to say. He was really quite mad about it.” – friends
  • “Are you sure it was him? Maybe it was someone else and you’re only saying it was him because you don’t want to tell me who it really was.” – teacher in charge of student welfare
  • “You’re saying it happened the second time you saw him? That never happens! Why didn’t he do it the first time you met?” – the detective investigating my case
  • “You can’t tell your friends about this. They’re not old enough to be able to handle it.” – teacher in charge of student welfare
  • “The Royal Commission is unable to investigate individual matters.” – Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse
  • “He’s going through a difficult divorce, he’s an alcoholic and he has two children, one a girl a few years older than you. This would make his life even more difficult.” – teacher in charge of student welfare, who thought if I felt sorry for her friend I’d shut up
  • “I can’t see you anymore. I can’t talk to you about any assault other than the one you were referred to us for.” – sexual assault counsellor
  • “You’re the only one who’s made a complaint about him so far. Unless someone else makes a complaint there’s nothing we can do.” – the detective investigating my case

It’s pretty complicated coming up with dodgy reasons to shut someone up, isn’t it? Want to know what you can say that will help someone who has trusted you with their #MeToo story?

  • I believe you
  • It was not your fault
  • You are not alone

Simple, huh?!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Riverdale Avenue Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

More than 16 million people had posted their #MeToo story and support against sexual harassment by mid-October as a reaction to Rose McGowan’s brave admission that she had allegedly been raped by Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein. A groundswell of reaction to and exposure of this sexual predation was unleashed that has spread throughout Europe and beyond. New revelations of unacceptable behavior in every industry break every day as people come forward in response to the viral #MeToo posts. Protests are scheduled such as the “Take back the Workplace” Hollywood march in November of 2017, and legislation is being drafted in New York and California to finally change the way things have been for far too long.

This is the turning point. Things are going to change.

This is a historic moment and it needs to be memorialised, passed around and passed on. Although social media is a fantastic means of igniting a fire, it needs to keep burning, like a torch.

So Riverdale Avenue Books, a woman-owned leading hybrid publisher, is putting its money, words and power, behind this and publishing this collection of 26 essays from people who understand want to make this change, and we, as a society, have got to figure out a way to drive that change forward.

So pass this book around. Share it with your sons, brothers, fathers, your daughters, sisters and mothers, your co-workers and friends. Read passages to them, if they won’t read it for themselves. Leave it on the desk of someone who should know better. 

Help us make this movement more than a hashtag.

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I Am Watching You – Teresa Driscoll

🥀 Harrowing Halloween Book! 🥀

OK, this book doesn’t fit in the horror genre nor is it set on or around Halloween. So why does it belong in this month’s theme? It’s about a teenage girl who goes missing and hasn’t been found a year later. If that isn’t one of the scariest, most horrific concepts ever then I don’t know what is.

The Witness became suspicious of the motives of the men on the train and thought about calling the Police but something stopped her. The next day one of the girls was reported missing. A year later she has yet to be found. The witness is wracked with guilt over their failure to act.

The Father is haunted by his missing daughter’s last words to him. He lied to the Police about where he was the night she disappeared.

The Friend has never told anyone what really happened that night.

The Private Investigator was in the Police force until something happened that haunts him to this day.

The First Postcard: “WHY DIDN’T YOU HELP HER?“

I Am Watching You takes you inside the search for a missing teenage girl. It draws you in and doesn’t allow you to sit comfortably on the fence. You are faced with the decisions each character made and forced to wonder what you would have done in their place. You may find yourself silently judging someone’s choice and later provided with further information that turns your preconceptions upside down.

Are we too quick to judge people based on what we see on the surface?

What is the media’s role in helping or harming an investigation?

Who’s to blame when someone goes missing?

What would you have done if you were the girl’s mother, father, sister, friend?

What would you do if you saw something that made you uncomfortable? Would you stand up for what you believe is right? Or would you look away and pretend you didn’t notice?

How do you live with the choice you made when that choice comes with ripple effects?

Told in third person, with the exception of the witness whose story is in first person, each of the alternating chapters leaves you on a knife’s edge. You’re craving resolution of the cliffhanger in that person’s story yet you’re so quickly immersed in the next person’s narrative that you find you can’t decide which answer you want first. Usually this sort of suspense would have me ready to throw my Kindle at the wall but that wasn’t the case with this book. I Am Watching You had me diving straight into the next chapter so I could uncover the answers sooner.

I found this an easy read in that the narrative flowed well and I didn’t have to work hard to immerse myself in the story. I got sucked straight into the story and each time I returned to it the vortex reopened and it felt like I never left. I also found it a challenging read as it required me to ask myself what I would have done over and over, and sometimes I was uncomfortable and didn’t like my answers.

I remained dry eyed but my heart ached for the anguish experienced by so many people I met through Teresa Driscoll’s words, and not solely because of the missing person case. While everyone’s story touches the missing girl’s life in some way, they each had their own lives with joy, torment and a depth that you rarely see with multiple character perspective novels. I look forward to reading future books by this author.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Thomas & Mercer for the opportunity to read this book. I’m going to be watching this author, just not in a creepy way. 😜

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

What would it take to make you intervene?

When Ella Longfield overhears two attractive young men flirting with teenage girls on a train, she thinks nothing of it – until she realises they are fresh out of prison and her maternal instinct is put on high alert. But just as she’s decided to call for help, something stops her. The next day, she wakes up to the news that one of the girls – beautiful, green-eyed Anna Ballard – has disappeared.

A year later, Anna is still missing. Ella is wracked with guilt over what she failed to do, and she’s not the only one who can’t forget. Someone is sending her threatening letters – letters that make her fear for her life.

Then an anniversary appeal reveals that Anna’s friends and family might have something to hide. Anna’s best friend, Sarah, hasn’t been telling the whole truth about what really happened that night – and her parents have been keeping secrets of their own.

Someone knows where Anna is – and they’re not telling. But they are watching Ella.

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The Unbelievables #1: The Girl Who Ignored Ghosts – K.C. Tansley

👻 Haunted Halloween Book! 👻

“Ghosts don’t exist. They can’t touch me. They can’t hurt me. They aren’t real.”

The Girl Who Ignored Ghosts is one of those books that has everything you want and all the stuff you didn’t even know you needed, and yet it doesn’t feel cluttered.

Intelligent female main character that loves to read and doesn’t have a perfect body – ✔️

129 year old murder mystery to solve – ✔️

Intergenerational multi-family curse – ✔️

Ghosts, AKA, “I see dead people” – ✔️

Library in a castle on its own island with signed and first editions galore – ✔️

Time travel without a flux capacitor – ✔️

Bacon, eggs and coffee – ✔️

Secret passageways – ✔️

Sparkly gemstone jewellery – ✔️

Magic – ✔️

Kat grew up believing in the unbelievables. Ghosts were her childhood friends until something so scary happened that she had to stop believing. Fast forward eight years and Kat, now a junior at McTernan Academy, surrounds herself with people (especially unbelievers), animals, plants and stones, and recites her mantra to protect herself.

Kat accessorises with metal and stone – earrings, necklaces, bracelets, you name it, for additional protection. I loved that her knowledge of gemstones carries over into her descriptions of people whose eyes aren’t boring colours but instead are aquamarine, larimar, hematite and iolite.

Assisting Professor Astor with his research into the mysterious events 129 years ago at Castle Creighton, Kat knows she is delving into dangerous unbelievables territory. Along with best friend Morgan, Evan the Terrible and serial flirter Seth, Kat winds up at Castle Creighton to investigate what really happened there and to study the Radcliffe Curse. Now Kat is stuck on an island with a hurricane approaching and there’s no escaping the unbelievables.

I loved the way Castle Creighton’s creeptastic secrets unfolded throughout the story. This story had friendship, forgiveness, hope, secrets and betrayal. It also had love, lots of love. Now, you’ve heard of a love triangle, but have you ever heard of a love pentagon? As a bit of a summary of how a love pentagon works (and for the sake of not ruining who everyone is in love with, we won’t use their real names):

  • A is in love with B.
  • B is in love with C, is friends with A, is jealous of D, is using E to make D jealous.
  • C is marrying D but has history with and also still loves B.
  • D is marrying C but has history with E.
  • E still wants D but is having fun with B, is using B to make D jealous.

Did you get all of that?

Beginning The Girl Who Saved Ghosts immediately! I would’ve gone mental waiting for the sequel if I’d read The Girl Who Ignored Ghosts when it was first published.

Tip to readers: Make sure you have the sequel on hand when you finish this book. While a lot of plot lines are wrapped up other questions are raised and you’re not going to want to wait to find out what happens next!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Beckett Publishing Group for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Kat Preston doesn’t believe in ghosts. Not because she’s never seen one, but because she saw one too many. Refusing to believe is the only way to protect herself from the ghost that tried to steal her life. Kat’s disbelief keeps her safe until her junior year at McTernan Academy, when a research project for an eccentric teacher takes her to a tiny, private island off the coast of Connecticut. 

The site of a grisly mystery, the Isle of Acacia is no place for a girl who ignores ghosts, but the ghosts leave Kat little choice. Accompanied by her research partner, Evan Kingsley, she investigates the disappearance of Cassie Mallory and Sebastian Radcliffe on their wedding night in 1886. Evan’s scientific approach to everything leaves Kat on her own to confront a host of unbelievables: ancestral curses, powerful spells, and her strange connection to the ghosts that haunt Castle Creighton. 

But that’s all before Kat’s yanked through a magic portal and Evan follows her. When the two of them awaken 129 years in the past with their souls trapped inside the bodies of two wedding guests, everything changes. Together, Kat and Evan race to stop the wedding-night murders and find a way back to their own time — and their own bodies — before their souls slip away forever. 

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Choosing to Live: Stories of Those Who Stepped Away from Suicide – Clifford Williams

Content Warning: Please be aware that if you find a topic triggering, you will most likely find it in this book. Topics include alcoholism, drug addiction, self-harm, all kinds of abuse, domestic violence, bullying, eating disorders, and of course, suicide attempts and suicidal ideation.

I applaud the intention of Choosing to Live: stories of those who stepped away from suicide. This book is aimed at reducing the stigma associated with talking about suicide and is marketed toward anyone who has ever had or now has suicidal feelings, families and friends of those people, therapists and psychology students and professors.

I would like to give acknowledgement to the courage of the individuals who told their stories for this book, and compassion to the families and friends of Hannah and Alistair who are grieving their loss.

The stories in this book are from people ranging from 18 to 61, with various precipitating factors that led to their suicide attempt/s. The following questions were asked to each participant:

  • What led up to your suicide attempt?
  • What keeps you alive now?

Told in sections, the individual stories are grouped by themes of rejection, overwhelming stress, bullying, not feeling good enough, painful memories, teenage stresses, ups and downs, a strange impulse, parental abuse, depression and anxiety, break up of a significant relationship, ambivalence, lack of support, shame and addiction, dysfunctional relationships, suicide of a parent, medical conditions, and being in hospice care. Of course, there are overlaps with some stories fitting just as well in multiple categories.

The From Despair to Hope chapter towards the end of the book has answers from survivors to the following questions:

  • What did you feel like when you were struggling with despair and hopelessness?
  • What did you feel when you realised you were still alive?
  • What do you like most about living now?

There is also a chapter that asks survivors what they would have wanted someone to do or say to them when they were suicidal. Finally, there is a chapter giving tips on how to deal with someone who is suicidal and American phone and internet resources.

Overall the stories, while painful and heartbreaking, are definitely useful teaching tools for anyone who wants to understand what would cause someone to make an attempt on their life, what may prevent it from happening, and what may help after an attempt has been made.

However, there were a few pretty big concerns I had about this book.

  1. Specific mention is made in the introduction that none of the participants were interviewed while they were suicidal and they were reflecting on previous experiences. I was surprised when I read later in the book that some participants had only attempted suicide a matter of weeks prior to being interviewed and questioned the judgement used in choosing participants this soon after such an experience.
  2. I personally feel it is reckless to recommend a book to people who have been suicidal or currently are that contains so much detail about how the individual attempts were made. I understand that part of each person’s story includes the method they used but there are ways to do this without it reading like a ‘How To’ manual. Surely it would have been more prudent to say someone attempted suicide by overdosing rather than specifying how many tablets they took and which class of medication it was. Of course if someone is determined to die they will find a way to do it but in a book that is hoping to prevent deaths it just doesn’t seem wise to include such detail.

This last point is more a small marketing concern. If I saw this book surrounded by others on the subject I doubt I would pick it up. This sounds really petty but I really do judge books by their cover and the cover design of this book is clichéd and doesn’t scream, “Hey, you! Pick me! Pick me!” A more professional looking cover would help draw people to it.

Thank you very much to NetGalley and Smith Publicity for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Choosing to Live contains stories about people who tried to commit suicide, told in their own words, based on the author’s interviews with them. Each story serves as a source of encouragement and speaks with a clear voice to all those who struggle with suicide to assure them that they are not alone. 

Choosing to Live is a must-read for individuals with suicidal feelings and for their relatives and friends who have suffered with them. Caregivers will gain new insights into the mental anguish that taunts individuals who battle the inner turmoil of facing each new day. 

The author believes that people crave to tell the story of their lives, even if it involves wanting to die. The names of the people involved have been changed, including identifying details, to preserve anonymity. 

Specific topics include: rejection, overwhelming stress, bullying, painful memories, teenage stresses, ups and downs, parental abuse, depression and anxiety, breakup of a significant relationship, lack of support, shame and addiction, dysfunctional relationships, and suicide of a parent. 

Choosing to Live provides a voice to those who have attempted suicide. It will serve as a valuable resource for psychiatrists, social workers, crisis counselors, clergy, medical practitioners, social welfare personnel, human service workers, and primary care providers.

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Lighter Than My Shadow – Katie Green

Katie’s troubles with food began when she was a young child hiding toast in her bedroom and throwing food away. After experiencing bullying Katie’s doubts about herself really take root, especially after she compares her body to others and thinks hers is out of proportion. She begins deliberately restricting her food intake, then becomes obsessed with nutrition and calorie counting. Her father takes her to see a doctor at 17 and in the doctor’s ‘wisdom’ she suggests Katie eat ice cream. Surprise, surprise … this is not the solution. I know! Shocking, huh?!

Finally Katie is taken to hospital where she’s diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. Her parents withdraw her from school so she can be monitored at all times and she begins to see a psychologist and a dietician. Katie then uses the same perfectionism that got her into trouble in the first place as she begins to work towards recovery. Her intense need for control ensures she feels like she needs to do everything she attempts perfectly to make her feel good enough, but of course that doesn’t help.

Katie is very honest about her struggle with food and about instances of sexual assault she later experiences. Her discussions with her therapist about her anorexia, binge eating and effects of sexual assault are difficult to read but so important. Those who have experienced any combination of these issues will see themselves in Katie’s experience of healing and those who haven’t experienced them will gain valuable insight into the thought processes that accompany such painful experiences. Katie’s experience, while it certainly highlights how difficult recovery is, tells us that recovery is indeed possible.

Katie’s illustrations in this graphic novel are fantastic. I loved how well the story came to life through the pictures alone. It was clear how all of the people were feeling in each panel and the depiction of Katie’s thoughts and illness hovering over her head worked perfectly for the story. I applaud Katie for her strength and courage in not only telling her story in the first place but in sharing it with the reader.

I personally appreciated all of the “me, too” moments I felt while reading, as if Katie was speaking directly to my experience in specific sections. There was also a very significant lightbulb moment for me that I expect will help me immensely once I’ve had a chance to process the magnitude of the revelation I received. While it’s not all about me (except when it is) I’d like to personally thank Katie if she ever comes across this review because her courage in telling her truth is causing a ripple effect in my life. Thank you, Katie! I’ll be revisiting this book whenever I’m looking for wisdom, strength and understanding.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Diamond Book Distributors for the opportunity to read this graphic novel.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Like most kids, Katie was a picky eater. She’d sit at the table in silent protest, hide uneaten toast in her bedroom, listen to parental threats that she’d have to eat it for breakfast.

But in any life a set of circumstance can collide, and normal behavior might soon shade into something sinister, something deadly.

Lighter Than My Shadow is a hand-drawn story of struggle and recovery, a trip into the black heart of a taboo illness, an exposure of those who are so weak as to prey on the vulnerable, and an inspiration to anybody who believes in the human power to endure towards happiness.

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