Author: Schizanthus Nerd

For Better and Worse – Margot Hunt

I’m sure that practically every parent who learns their child has been molested engages in some fairly imaginative revenge fantasies. For Natalie and Will, whose first date included a discussion about how they could commit the perfect murder together, fantasy has become reality. Are they smart enough to get away with it?

My answer, from the planning through to the execution and beyond, was a resounding “Hell, no!” Between them this couple made so many obvious mistakes I felt it was inevitable they’d be caught. While some of their failures were mentioned there were others that seemed obvious to me but were never brought up.

If the characters had no background in anything vaguely related to crime then I could have easily overlooked some of their missteps and chalked them up to their emotional state after learning of their child’s molestation but they both went to law school and one of them works as a criminal defense attorney! I kept wanting to tell them to binge watch some Criminal Minds, Rizzoli & Isles or any of the CSI or Law and Order franchises. There are so many to choose from and a few episodes of any one of them would have helped prevent some of the face palm moments of this book.

I had expected that a book with such emotionally charged subject matter would be a difficult read but I actually didn’t feel much while reading. I didn’t find anything to like about either of the main characters. If I had connected to them at all I think this would have helped me care if their crime was discovered or not. It turned out that when I started writing my review immediately after finishing the last page I had to double check what their names were. I don’t remember the last time that happened.

Whoever wrote the blurb gave away too much of the story so I wound up spending the first half of the book waiting for something to happen that I didn’t already know. I found most of the sequence of events predictable and one part I didn’t predict simply annoyed me. I definitely liked the premise of this book and had high hopes for it. Unfortunately it didn’t work for me.

Don’t just take my word for it though. There are plenty of ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ reviews so I’d encourage you to check out some of those before deciding if this is the book for you or not.

Thank you to NetGalley and Harlequin – MIRA for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

On their first date back in law school, Natalie and Will Clarke bonded over drinks, dinner and whether they could get away with murder. Now married, they’ll put the latter to the test when an unchecked danger in their community places their son in jeopardy. Working as a criminal defense attorney, Nat refuses to rely on the broken legal system to keep her family safe. She knows that if you want justice … you have to get it yourself.

Shocked to discover Nat’s taken matters into her own hands, Will has no choice but to dirty his, also. His family is in way too deep to back down now. He’s just not sure he recognises the woman he married. Nat’s always been fiercely protective, but never this ruthless or calculating. With the police poking holes in their airtight plan, what will be the first to fall apart: their scandalous secret – or their marriage?

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Girls of Paper and Fire – Natasha Ngan

READ. THIS. BOOK. PLEASE.

I have so many library books at the moment that I’ve been desperate to read for so long and of course too many were due at the same time. I almost sent this book back unread and I’m so glad I didn’t! It turns out it’s one of my favourite reads of the year!

“When the world denies you choices, you make your own.”

Lei’s nightmares are haunted by the raid on her village seven years ago that saw her mother ripped from her life. This time the soldiers have come for Lei, a Paper caste girl with golden eyes. She is to undergo training as one of the Demon King’s Paper Girls, which is supposed to be an honour yet feels anything but.

I think of the Paper Girls who came before me. The dreams of theirs that might have died within these very walls.

The extravagance of palace life is unlike anything Lei has ever experienced with her loving family, who lead humble lives running a herb shop in their remote village. In the palace she is surrounded by exquisite gardens and is dressed by her own personal maid in stunning clothes with magic weaved through them! 😍 The glamour is only on the surface though, as Paper Girls are essentially the Demon King’s concubines, and this life feels like a prison to Lei.

There’s so much I loved about this book, from the gorgeous descriptions of the different castes of Ikhar and their history and spirituality to the strength of the women who inhabit it. There’s action, betrayal, loyalty, friendship, a romance that didn’t make me want to vomit and an underlying hope despite brutality.

“They can take and steal and break all they want, but there is one thing they have no control over. Our emotions,” she says at my nonplussed look. “Our feelings. Our thoughts. None of them will ever be able to control the way we feel. Our minds and hearts are our own. That is our power, Nine. Never forget it.”

I absolutely adore the cover image and Jeff Miller’s jacket design is simply breathtaking! I especially loved the Birth-blessing pendant on the front of the hardcover book.

I loved learning about the world our characters inhabit and I became immersed in Ikhara. I believed in this world and yearned to learn more about its history, its magic, its spiritual beliefs and its customs. I don’t think Ikhara would have come alive for me if not for the gorgeous descriptions that made me want to sigh with the satisfaction they gave me. I highlighted so many sentences that made me want to follow Natasha Ngan around and have her describe to me whatever she sees. Two of my favourites were about time and winter:

But time has a way of folding itself, like a map, distances and journeys and hours and minutes tucked neatly away to leave just the realness of the before and the now, as close as hands pressed on either side of a rice-paper door.

Colors drain from the gardens like calligraphy paints being washed away.

Wren was the standout character for me but I was surprised to discover that I also had a soft spot for acerbic Blue, despite and maybe because of all of the reasons that I probably should have loved to hate her. Lill was a sweetheart but I didn’t get much of a sense of her personality. Similarly the twins didn’t appear to have distinct personalities and unfortunately they became interchangeable for me. There were also a few characters that didn’t have a great deal of page time but I wanted to know more, who I felt more of a connection with than most of the Paper Girls: Zelle, Kenzo and Merrin.

I don’t want an easy life. I want a meaningful one.

I want so much to give this book 5 stars for the world the author transported me to alone but there’s something that’s niggling at me. This may be a problem with me, not the book, but sometimes I felt a disconnect between what I thought I should be feeling and what I was actually feeling. Without getting too spoilery, events would happen that would affect one or more of the Paper Girls and I’d think I should be crying, full of rage, joy, something … but wasn’t. I was always interested in knowing what was going to happen next but my emotions didn’t fire up. I was more upset by Lei’s dog getting skewered than anything that happened to the girls. I’m hoping a reread will clear this up for me.

What I Need Included in the Sequel/s

More Shamans – I loved the information about the shamans in this book but need more! I need to know more about their history, all of the cool stuff they can do, how they’re trained, and I need to get to know one personally.

Lei’s Eyes – There’s more than meets the eye here (sorry, I had to! 👀). I need their backstory!

More Mythology – There’s no such thing as too much mythology as far as I’m concerned. An entire history book about Ikhara? Sign me up!

Also, I need the next book in the series sometime soon. Tomorrow is good for me. 😜

We might be Paper Girls, easily torn and written upon. The very title we’re given suggests that we are blank, waiting to be filled. But what the Demon King and his court do not understand is that paper is flammable.

And there is a fire catching among us.

P.S. I tried to buy a signed copy of this book from Barnes & Noble but they can’t ship it to Australia! I’m sure I’ll get over this at some point but not for a while. 😢

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Each year, eight beautiful girls are chosen as Paper Girls to serve the king. It’s the highest honour they could hope for … and the most demeaning. This year, there’s a ninth. And instead of paper, she’s made of fire.

In this richly developed fantasy, Lei is a member of the Paper caste, the lowest and most persecuted class of people in Ikhara. She lives in a remote village with her father, where the decade-old trauma of watching her mother snatched by royal guards for an unknown fate still haunts her. Now, the guards are back and this time it’s Lei they’re after – the girl with the golden eyes whose rumoured beauty has piqued the king’s interest.

Over weeks of training in the opulent but oppressive palace, Lei and eight other girls learns the skills and charm that befit a king’s consort. There, she does the unthinkable – she falls in love. Her forbidden romance becomes enmeshed with an explosive plot that threatens her world’s entire way of life. Lei, still the wide-eyed country girl at heart, must decide how far she’s willing to go for justice and revenge.

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What You Hide – Natalie D. Richards

When I read the blurb for this book I was drawn by the idea of someone fulfilling one of my dreams: living in a library. Imagine all of the uninterrupted reading time at night when everyone else goes home and you’re surrounded by shelves and shelves of books and the smell of books and the ambience of a library. Ah, heaven!

Now imagine the creepy factor of a dead body found in the library and subsequent mysterious footprints, noises in the middle of the night and messages written on the walls. Sounds like the making of a fun horror book, huh?!

Had the blurb I read even whispered the word ‘romantic’ I would have run a mile and so I was suitably horrified when I discovered an extended blurb on Goodreads cheerfully telling me I was reading a ‘romantic thriller’. Had this been a library book I would have stopped reading immediately but as I’d promised to review this book I grimaced and turned the page.

Given my romantiphobe tendencies I probably should have hated this book but I didn’t. It was never going to be something I would love and gush over, and I wish I’d known that before I started reading, but in between the budding romance and the frustration with some of the characters there were some sections that I enjoyed and found relatable.

Mallory’s home situation made me want to reach through the pages and strangle someone. Her once vibrant mother is now essentially a puppet on a string for controlling, emotionally abusive [insert swear word of your choice here] Charlie. I found the conversations between Mallory and her mother infuriatingly accurate given the circumstances and their personalities. I had hoped for a fairytale ending to that situation but unfortunately real life doesn’t guarantee those so it was probably too much to hope for.

The idea that someone who’s recently homeless and simultaneously trying to find food, shelter and any semblance of safety has time to agonise over a crush on a boy or to go indoor rock climbing with said boy just didn’t seem feasible to me. I’m fairly certain Maslow would agree.

He reaches for me slowly, and I’m powerless. Hypnotized by the graze of his fingers against the side of my thumb.

Spencer, while suitably adorable, spent his time wanting more from his life than living in a mansion with the loving family who adopted him and feeling guilty for wanting more, especially considering Mallory has “real” problems. I have trouble mustering up sympathy for a rich kid with supportive parents who’s scared of telling them that what is expected of him isn’t what he wants and any sympathy I had for him faded when he took out his frustration by starting a fight with some jerk at ice hockey practice.

I would have loved for his adoption to play more of a role in the book but it wasn’t the focus. Similarly the discussion surrounding addiction, while obviously sad, was pretty much glossed over.

Mallory and Spencer aren’t the meddling kids I’d hope they’d be; when I wanted them to investigate strange footsteps in the otherwise empty library they hid out in the bathroom. They finally do investigate but much later than I would have. The dead body in the library and the mystery of the ‘ghost’ were fairly tame and repetitive from my perspective. It was basically footprint, footprint, message on the wall, message on the wall, cool creative message, another footprint, and a few other signs finally leading to a resolution that seemed obvious from early on.

If you like sweet romances between people from disparate walks of life this could be the book for you. If you’re looking for creepy with potential for horror and ghosts then this is probably not the book you’re looking for.

Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Fire for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Spencer volunteers at the library. Sure, it’s community service, but he likes his work. Especially if it means getting to see Mallory.

Mallory spends a lot of time keeping her head down. When you’re sixteen and homeless, nothing matters more than being anonymous. But Spencer’s charm makes her want to be noticed.

Then sinister things start happening at the library. Mysterious symbols and terrifying warnings begin to appear, and management grows suspicious. Spencer and Mallory know a homeless teenager makes an easy target, and if they can’t find the real culprit soon, they could lose more than just their safe haven …

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Elevation – Stephen King

Illustrations – Mark Edward Geyer

The awesomeness? Scott is living every metabolism challenged person’s dream; he’s consistently losing a steady amount of weight while eating whatever the heck he wants to. He can eat breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner/supper and round it all off with a double helping of dessert, and the scales still smile on him. What a dream!

The downside? No matter how much weight the scales say he’s lost Scott still looks exactly the same, protruding belly and all. All of that weight loss and you don’t even get to see the difference? No fair!

The downright weird?

‘No one weighs the same naked as they do dressed. It’s as much a given as gravity.’

This is a Stephen King novella; nothing is a given.

Set in Castle Rock, Elevation was a compulsive read for me. I loved the people I met. I loved the friendships. I loved that the homophobia expressed by some of the townsfolk was challenged. I loved the reminder that one person can make a difference in other peoples’ lives and their community as a whole, even in the current political climate and even a town where a fairly considerable amount of bigots reside.

‘Sometimes I think this is the world’s greatest weight-loss program.’

‘Yes,’ Ellis said, ‘but where does it end?’

I’ll tell you where it ends. In tears! I enjoyed Gwendy’s Button Box but I loved Elevation. I didn’t expect to feel so much for characters that I only knew for just over 130 pages but I smiled, I laughed and I wanted to have dinner with these people. Then I smiled some more while I ugly cried for the final 10% of the book. I’d tell you how many tissues I used but I didn’t; I was too busy reading through the waterfalls cascading down my face to reach over to grab a Kleenex.

There’s something about Stephen King in my mind that makes him exempt from the eye rolling and accompanying groan when I find references to an author’s other books in the one I’m reading. With anyone else I’d be rambling to myself about ‘blatant self promotion’ but in the King-dom I find the Easter eggs charming and amusing, and I think I’m so smart each time I find one. My knowing smiles in this book included a reference to the Suicide Stairs and a garage band that temporarily rename themselves ‘Pennywise and the Clowns’.

I’m one of those irritating there/they’re/their fanatics and another one of my reading quirks is picking up on inconsistencies between what the author has written and what the illustrator has drawn. It’s not a deliberate thing; it just seems to happen and once I see it I can’t unsee it. In chapter 3 of Elevation we’re told that two characters put their numbers for the Turkey Trot race on the front of their shirts. In chapter 4’s illustration both characters are shown from behind; their numbers are on their backs.

Does this matter in the scheme of things at all? Not one iota. Why do I mention it? Because my brain’s stupid and won’t shut up about it. That said, I really did love Mark Edward Geyer’s illustrations at the beginning of each chapter. They were gorgeous; naturally my favourite was the creepy Halloween pumpkin.

I need an entire series of novellas set in Castle Rock. I need to meet more of these weird and wonderful people.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Although Scott Carey doesn’t look any different, he’s been steadily losing weight. There are a couple of other odd things, too. He weighs the same in his clothes and out of them, no matter how heavy they are. Scott doesn’t want to be poked and prodded. He mostly just wants someone else to know, and he trusts Doctor Bob Ellis.

In the small town of Castle Rock, the setting of many of King’s most iconic stories, Scott is engaged in a low grade – but escalating – battle with the lesbians next door whose dog regularly drops his business on Scott’s lawn. One of the women is friendly; the other, cold as ice. Both are trying to launch a new restaurant, but the people of Castle Rock want no part of a gay married couple, and the place is in trouble. When Scott finally understands the prejudices they face – including his own – he tries to help. Unlikely alliances, the annual foot race, and the mystery of Scott’s affliction bring out the best in people who have indulged the worst in themselves and others.

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What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape – Sohaila Abdulali

The author considers the difficulty of categorising this book and I agree; it’s a blend of personal experience, other peoples’ experiences and insights. What kept popping into my head as I was reading was that it’s a conversation. I loved Sohaila’s down to earth tone and how she makes this multifaceted and too often silenced experience approachable. Her writing is considered and empathetic. She doesn’t shy away from the gravity of the trauma associated with rape, yet at the same time I came away feeling hopeful and validated.

Discussions about rape are so often irrational, and sometimes outright bizarre. It’s the only crime to which people respond by wanting to lock up the victims. It’s the only crime that is so bad that victims are supposed to be destroyed beyond repair by it, but simultaneously not so bad that the men who do it should be treated like other criminals.

Although titled What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape this book is also about what we don’t talk about when we talk about rape, like how

it’s the weirdest things that can get you. Like dentophobia.

When I was two thirds of the way through this book I’d already recommended it to a counsellor who works for my state’s rape crisis hotline and would recommend it to anyone who has experienced sexual assault, knows someone who has experienced sexual assault, works with people who have experienced sexual assault or want to read an intelligent, thoughtful book about this truly global issue. While there are stories of people from America in this book there are also those from all of those other places that aren’t America, like India, Australia, Africa, Europe and the Middle East. There’s also a wonderful cross section of peoples’ experiences, from the poorest and most marginalised to well known cases and celebrities.

Although I’ve read a lot, both fiction and non-fiction, about sexual assault and experienced more than my fair share, I still came across a lot in this book that made me pause and reevaluate my own preconceived ideas. I also found some lightbulb moments which have helped me make some sense out of nonsense.

The whole notion of institutional consent, which holds to account both men and women, was surprisingly new to me;

you know you can get away with it because the whole system is set up to help you get away with it.

My favourite lightbulb moment during my first read of this book (I expect it will be the first of many reads) came when I encountered an acronym that has validated my experience so much. Jennifer Freyd, writing about betrayal trauma theory in the nineties,

proposed that abusers frequently respond to accusations with “DARVO” – Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

This has helped me understand why a rapist overtly threatened me with legal action twice (so far) for reporting him and covertly attacked my credibility. While he had a serious amount of institutional consent behind him and is currently the owner of a Rape Free Card, this new knowledge has helped me in the best possible way … I know I’m not alone and there’s even an acronym to prove it.

There were a few sections that seemed a bit disjointed to me and details of some stories were repeated in a couple of chapters, although the repetition did serve to remind me which person’s experience I was reading about. Absent from this book was any mention of women who rape; while uncommon, it does happen, and I would be interested to hear what this author has to say about it.

This book is sociological, political, personal and contradictory. Now, contradictory may sound like a criticism but it’s not and as Sohaila expresses, rape and the way we talk about it is contradictory, so to highlight these contradictions is vital to an honest discussion. I loved/hated the “Lose-Lose Rape Conundrum”; it is so infuriatingly accurate:

If you talk about it, you’re a helpless victim angling for sympathy. If you’re not a helpless victim, then it wasn’t such a big deal, so why are you talking about it? If you’re surviving and living your life, why are you ruining some poor man’s life? Either it’s a big deal, so you’re ruined, or it’s not a big deal and you should be quiet.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and The New Press for the opportunity to read this book. My current activism level is set to: Need to do something positive immediately!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Thoughtful, provocative and intelligent, this game-changing book looks at sexual assault and the global discourse on rape from the viewpoint of a survivor, writer, counsellor and activist.

Sohaila Abdulali was the first Indian rape survivor to speak out about her experience. Gang-raped as a teenager in Mumbai and indignant at the deafening silence on the issue in India, she wrote an article for a women’s magazine questioning how we perceive rape and rape victims. Thirty years later she saw the story go viral in the wake of the fatal 2012 Delhi rape and the global outcry that followed.

Drawing on three decades of grappling with the issue personally and professionally, and on her work with hundreds of other survivors, she explores what we think about rape and what we say. She also explores what we don’t say, and asks pertinent questions about who gets raped and who rapes, about consent and desire, about redemption and revenge, and about how we raise our sons. Most importantly, she asks: does rape always have to be a life-defining event, or is it possible to recover joy?

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The Nightmare Before Dinner – Zach Neil

Beetlejuice!

I love that this book is a celebration of Halloween, horror culture and all things Burton-esque. The recipes are from Beetle House, a restaurant that’s now on my bucket list because I need to experience the atmosphere and food, but more importantly its owner wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween as a kid and has found a way to make it a daily occurrence. I celebrate people finding ways to triumph over any kind of repression, especially when they can turn it into creative expression, so it fills me with joy that this restaurant exists.

All of the recipes can be veganised; there’s a page dedicated to vegan alternatives to specific ingredients before you make it to the first recipe. While I obviously want to try most offerings on the menu I decided to give myself the daunting task of choosing my ‘Most Want to Taste Test’ item in each chapter. Here goes…

Sauces & Dips for the Recently Deceased: Dead Sauce – with butter, honey, garlic, sea salt, lime juice, sour cream, mayonnaise and sriracha sauce, this “super-tasty citrus sauce is spicy, sweet, and garlicky.”

Nightmares Before Dinner: Beetle Bacon Bread – “a hearty sundried tomato and bacon “pizza” with a sweet balsamic reduction, soft mozzarella cheese, and crisp scallions.” Mmm, bacon! 🥓🤤

Herbs, Plants & Cauldrons: Fall Salad – this includes such yummies as butternut squash, roasted red peppers and dried cranberries.

Platos de los Muertos: Big Fish – salmon, sweet corn succotash, roasted red pepper purée, basil oil and micro shiso leaf.

Tricks & Treats: Willy’s Mango Panna Cotta – “topped with passionfruit foam and served with diced kiwi, fresh strawberries, and Cocoa Puffs”.

Poisons, Potions & Elixirs: The Franken-Martini – “combines vanilla vodka with a double chocolate liqueur” and topped with whipped cream, chocolate syrup and a chocolate bar.

There’s also a Put the Fun Back in Funeral chapter with ideas for menus, props and accessories for themed parties.

Beetlejuice!

I loved the photos of the droolworthy food with accessories including skulls and scissors, and the fun gothic touches in the layout. I was disappointed that not all of the recipes come with photos, although a higher proportion were pictured than most of the other cookbooks I’ve seen. The best compliment you can give the majority of my cooking is that it’s edible so I like to have a reference to show me what the final product is actually supposed to look like. I was glad to discover that the recipes in this book don’t need a bazillion ingredients or dozens of steps to make them, and I’m pretty sure I could give some of them a whirl.

Thank you to NetGalley and Quarto Publishing Group – Race Point Publishing for the opportunity to drool over this book.

B-! On second thought, maybe I don’t need him in my life right now.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Some like it goth! If you love movies like The Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands, or The Evil Dead, then you’ll love the official cookbook of The Beetle House, the Tim Burton-inspired restaurant with locations in New York, Los Angeles, and more. Featuring chef and owner Zach Neil’s signature recipes like “Edward Burger Hands,” a juicy burger stuffed with smoked bacon, fried egg, pepper jack cheese, avocado, with a sriracha cream sauce and “Wonka Wings,” chicken wings with a custom Fanta orange soda glaze, and so many more. Plus you’ll get an array of craft cocktails from the Coco Skellington to the Beetle’s Juice. Featuring more than 50 recipes plus a section on how to host your very own Burton-themed party with crafts, costume, decorations, and more this is the perfect book for the goth, the movie buff, and Halloween lover all the world round.  

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The Infinite Pieces of Us – Rebekah Crane

When Esther’s family move to Truth or Consequences they are weighed down by all of the lies, secrets and judgements they bring with them. Esther’s big “mistake” has necessitated the move and her sister and once best friend Hannah doesn’t want anything to do with her, her stepfather Tom is more controlling than ever, her mother refuses to talk about it, and the family in general vacillate between judging Esther and trying to pretend they’re not all keeping a secret. Both girls are now homeschooled and missing the lives they left behind in Ohio.

This is a book with iced mocha Frappuccino soy lattes, pools that are as parched as the desert, red tacks on maps, Heaven in Blockbuster, a gigantic Touchdown Jesus, terrible math jokes, and the search for truth.

I am a sucker for books with road trips and quirky personalities living with quirkier names. Where the Heart Is started the quirky thing with me and as a result every book with quirk since then has been judged against my love of Novalee, Sister Husband and Lexie.

This book has Color and Moss; Color cleans houses when she’s not at school and her brother Moss (also known as Fungus) runs through the book in his short running shorts. Jesús (pronounced Hey-soos) works at a cafe and wants someone to ‘froth his wand’. Beth is the proud owner of humourous science shirts and can be found singing in the church choir.

I’m a romantiphobe anyway so maybe take this with a grain of salt; I suspected going into this book that there’d be romance involved but it didn’t really work for me. It felt like we went from this guy is standoffish to the point of seeming to actively dislike her to oh, they’re kissing now without much of a progression.

I did get a little misty eyed at one of the ‘Aw, I want friends like that’ moments. I didn’t particularly like Esther although I really liked most of her friends and wished their stories were fleshed out more. Although she was the main character I actually found her story to be the least interesting. In this book all of the kids are dealing with really big issues including abandonment and homophobia but this, being Esther’s story, relegates most of this to the periphery.

I waited the whole book to find out what truth Jesús was going to include in his senior statement and wondered how his secret remained one for so long. I wanted to know what the deal was with Color and Moss’ mother. I wanted the situation with Hannah to result in something much more satisfying and appropriate than her getting grounded.

I wanted there to be some resolution for Amit. I wanted to hang out with Beth’s parents. I wanted Tom’s character to develop rather than all of a sudden changing in the end to wrap the story up more neatly. I wanted Esther and Hannah’s mother to be who she was instead of pretending to be who her husband wanted her to be.

The only parents in the book that I had any respect for were Beth’s but they were only spoken about, not on the pages themselves. The rest of the parents needed a swift kick up their abandoning, homophobic, judgemental ‘consequences’.

I preferred The Odds of Loving Grover Cleveland; I think I was destined to compare the two. I don’t remember having so many outstanding questions at the end of Grover.

Thank you to NetGalley and Skyscape for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Pondering math problems is Esther Ainsworth’s obsession. If only life’s puzzles required logic. Her stepfather’s solution? Avoidance. He’s exiled the family to Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, to erase a big secret from Esther’s past. So much for the truth. Now for the consequences: an empty swimming pool, a water-sucking cactus outside her window, a goldfish rescued from a church festival, and Esther’s thirst for something real.

Step one: forget about her first love. Step two: make allies. Esther finds them in Jesús from the local coffee bar; a girl named Color who finds beauty in an abandoned video store; Beth, the church choir outcast; and Moss, a boy with alluring possibilities. Step three: confess her secret to those she hopes she can trust. Esther’s new friends do more than just listen. They’re taking Esther one step further.

Together, they hit the road to face Esther’s past head-on. It’s a journey that will lead her to embrace her own truth – in all its glory, pain, and awesomeness.

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A Dreadful Fairy Book – Jon Etter

A place with books and people who read them – that’s where I need to be.

Shade is a sprite who doesn’t fit in. Her home in Pleasant Hollow is a constant reminder of the bullying she endured when she was younger for being different and all that she has lost: her mother who went to fight in a war and never returned, and her father who died. Now her home and more importantly her precious 74 books have been lost to a fire after some “grub-sucking, slime-licking mudbrains” set off fireworks in the middle of the forest.

Shade is “dingle-dangle” furious and storms off (she doesn’t like flying) into the Merry Forest, after making sure she tells the other sprites to “Get donkled!” I don’t mind fake swearing generally because it’s usually humourous but, with the spite that came with a lot of the swearing in this book, the chuckles weren’t there for me.

Shade has never ventured outside of her village before so she isn’t quite sure where she’s going but, armed with the knowledge she’s gained by reading and fuelled by rage and determination, she begins a quest to find more books; hopefully enough to last her a lifetime.

Books that we love truly are our friends, always there to comfort us in times of trouble, revel with us in times of joy, and inspire countless acts of kindness, nobility, and goodwill every day of our lives.

It’s difficult to believe that a character who spends the entire book on the hunt for a library could be as obnoxious and surly as Shade, the main character. Although there are glimpses of something softer beneath the surface (deep, deep down), Shade is mostly acerbic and downright rude to practically everyone who is unfortunate enough to cross her path. Even those who help her along the way are not immune to her venom.

Because the narrator overslept they wound up stuck narrating this story and all they do is whinge about it; what a terrible story this is, how you should skip to the end of the chapter, blah blah blah. If you enjoy reading commentary from someone who consistently tells you how “dreadful” what you’re reading is you may like the narrator. I absolutely hated the narrator and wish that they’d kept sleeping so they never made it into this story at all.

Each time the narrator intruded on the story I wanted to stop reading altogether and almost gave up entirely several times. Rather than adding any depth or another point of view to the story I felt they detracted from it. I would have enjoyed this book a lot more if the narrator’s lines magically disappeared. Every so often they’d add something that didn’t make me want to slap them, but it was rare.

And we all know, no matter how many books we come to read and love in life, how special that first beloved book is, don’t we, my friend?

My favourite characters were Chauncey the Gentletroll (it made my blood boil when he was called a “ponce”) and the Professor, who was blissfully silent for the majority of the book. I really enjoyed discovering how the card catalogue in the library worked; it was imaginative, magical and I need this system for my own personal library. I would also like to visit some of Chauncey’s uncle’s vacations.

My moral of the story: A bookworm without books is pretty insufferable. Make sure books are always available to them and you’ll be okay.

Thank you to NetGalley and Amberjack Publishing for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Readers, beware: what you hold in your hands is a dreadful fairy book. 

I wish I were narrating almost any other fairy story, but alas, this is my lot. Whatever expectations you have of delightful and whimsical fairies are sure to be disappointed. There are certainly fairies, but most are not proper fairies. Some who are supposed to be nasty are disappointingly nice, while some who should be kind and helpful are disconcertingly surly, dishonest, and generally unpleasant company. 

Our heroine is, perhaps, the worst offender – a sprite more interested in books than carefree games, who insists on being called Shade even though she has the perfectly lovely fairy name of Lillyshadow Glitterdemalion. She is on a quest, albeit with rather questionable companions, to find a place she can call home. A place of companionship, comfort, and, most importantly, positively filled with books.

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Hark! The Herald Angels Scream: An Anthology – Christopher Golden (editor)

I’ll be completely upfront with you; I only wanted this book for the Seanan McGuire story. Well, that and the cover image that reminded me of one of the guys from Mars Attacks! playing dress up. I’ve never read Christmas horror before so didn’t know what to expect.

I was hoping this book would contain a bunch of Christmas stories for people who prefer Halloween; serial killer Santas, blood soaked snowmen, Christmas trees that come to life and chase people through the house … What I found were some fun, creepy stories mixed in with a whole pile of stories that just so happened to take place on or around Christmas; Santa, Frosty and Rudolph not even peeking their heads around the corner of the page.

Absinthe & Angels by Kelley Armstrong – ⭐️⭐️⭐️

It’s Christmas Eve and Ava’s childhood fear has just knocked on the front door. The concept was good but felt a bit disjointed for me.

“Give us food. Give us wine. Then our song shall be thine.”

Christmas in Barcelona by Scott Smith – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Murphy’s Law tags along for a Christmas vacation to Barcelona with a couple and their baby. This one started slowly and didn’t feel like it belonged in this collection for most of the story but then it well and truly made up for lost time.

You feel the same thought stirring – everything is going to be okay – but this time you have the wisdom to resist its lure.

Fresh as the New-Fallen Snow by Seanan McGuire – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Seanan has proven, once again, why she’s one of my all time favourite authors! A babysitter tells the story of Snegurochka, the Snow Maiden to Andy, Chloe and Diane. I want to tell you more but don’t want to spoil it!

“She looks for children who could be great, if only the snow that made them were melted down and given to someone else for safekeeping.”

Love Me by Thomas E. Sniegoski – ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

The Creeper gets more than he bargained for when he pulls his first job after being released from prison. I enjoyed the buildup but really wanted to know the history of what the Creeper finds in the apartment above the antique store.

”You came to steal from me, I know,” the woman called out.

Not Just For Christmas by Sarah Lotz – ⭐️⭐️⭐️

If you’ve ever thought your pet being able to talk would be adorable you’ll change your mind after reading this one. Technology and the family pet don’t exactly mix. Oodles of swearing in this one.

“Do we really need any more surprises from you this year?”

Tenets by Josh Malerman – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Bringing a failed cult leader to your holiday party can really ruin the holiday spirit. I wasn’t sure where this one was going for a while but was getting into it when it abruptly ended. While I can imagine all sorts of things I wanted to see what really happened next.

The last thing she wanted to be thinking about at a holiday party reunion was cults and cult leaders and what all that means and how sad it was if you really broke it down.

Good Deeds by Jeff Strand – ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

A man does a good deed and is so proud of himself that he writes a song about how awesome he is. His song changes peoples’ lives, although not for the better. Morbid and sort of amusing (but the type you feel guilty for being amused about), this was one of the weirdest Christmas stories I’ve ever read. I expect the insensitivity of the main character and the subject matter will be offensive to some readers.

The world was a dark, ugly, selfish cesspool of misery, but I’d done my part to shine a ray of joy upon it. With only a credit card, I’d made the universe a better place.

It’s a Wonderful Knife by Christopher Golden – ⭐️⭐️⭐️

A sleazy Hollywood producer gets more than he bargained for when he takes an actress on a tour of his collection of rare movie memorabilia. A timely story but not really a Christmas story; just one that happened to be set around Christmas.

“That’s half the fun for a collector. The macabre stuff always goes for top dollar.”

Mistletoe and Holly by James A. Moore – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

A mother of three young boys grieves the loss of her husband as Christmas draws near, but just because she misses him doesn’t necessarily mean she wants him back. This one was predictable but creepy.

It was the holidays. Best to be prepared for the emotional bloodshed.

Snake’s Tail by Sarah Langan – ⭐️⭐️⭐️

It’s Christmas Eve and children are going missing in a little town on the bay. I still have no idea what this one had to do with Christmas other than the time of year it was set.

Yes, the clock chimes, and by the time it stops resonating, the child is gone. Disappeared from her bed.

The Second Floor of the Christmas Hotel by Joe R. Lansdale – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Something awful happened in that room in the Christmas Hotel many years ago and now something wants justice.

The room was fine the rest of the year, no complaints, but come Christmas Eve, no one could make it through a night.

Farrow Street by Elizabeth Hand – ⭐️⭐️⭐️

After her holiday plans fall through, Melanie decides to book accommodation in London and spend some time alone. On Christmas day she ventures out, trying to find an open restaurant, and finds herself in Farrow Street. I don’t think she ever gets her meal. I kept waiting for something to happen and when the action is about to start the story ends.

She cast a final look behind her. A feather of candlelight touched the floor at the foot of the stairs and faded into darkness.

Doctor Velocity by Jonathan Maberry – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

Destroyer talks to Doctor Velocity about his desperation and fear of having lost the spark that made his artwork come to life. Doctor Velocity has a Christmas present for him.

“Most often a person has survived because the monster did not want to destroy them all the way. To kill them would be to empty them of screams, of struggle, of fear and pain, and that’s what those monsters feed on.”

Yankee Swap by John M. McIlveen – ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

After avoiding her slimy boss at their work holiday party Kat finds herself in another nightmarish situation, and she’s not alone.

That he had chosen her to go first was a terrible omen that seemed to validate her fear of not leaving there alive.

Honor Thy Mother by Angela Slatter – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

Agnes’ family are having Christmas at her home this year; she insisted. Her sons plan to talk her into moving out of her home and into an aged care facility. Agnes’ plan is better.

She likes her privacy, knows it’s integral to her safety; her husband used to joke that if she could have got away with it, she’d have put a plaque on the front fence that read, “Nothing ever happened here.”

Home by Tim Lebbon – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The man and Old Bob make their way through an apocalyptic landscape. Is the man leading Old Bob or is Old Bob leading the man? And where are they going? It’s not until near the end of the story that its connection with Christmas becomes clear.

Standing, stretching, the beauty and horror of what he saw struck home as it did every single morning.

Hiking Through by Michael Koryta – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

While planning a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail a seasoned hiker hears a campfire story about a witch. I really enjoyed this one; I always love a good campfire story.

We all laugh harder around a campfire, because we don’t want to acknowledge that some part of us is deeply concerned about what’s out there just beyond the reach of the firelight.

The Hangman’s Bride by Sarah Pinborough – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The longest story in the collection and one of the best, the characters came to life for me and I want to read more by this author. Without giving away too much, Alexander’s grandfather tells him a story of a chimney sweep whose name is not Tom, a hangman, Miss Darkly, Mr and Mrs West, and the hangman’s bride.

‘People will do terrible things for love.’

Once I got over the gap between my expectation and reality I was able to enjoy most of these stories and have been inspired to attempt to write my own Christmas horror story, with plenty of tinsel, snowmen and blood. Wasn’t it Toni Morrison who said, “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it”?

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Anchor, an imprint of Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, for the opportunity to read this book. My average rating was 3.86 so I’ve rounded up.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Eighteen stories of Christmas horror from bestselling, acclaimed authors including Scott Smith, Seanan McGuire, Josh Malerman, Michael Koryta, Sarah Pinborough, and many more.

That there is darkness at the heart of the Yuletide season should not surprise. Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is filled with scenes that are unsettling. Marley untying the bandage that holds his jaws together. The hideous children – Want and Ignorance – beneath the robe of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. The heavy ledgers Marley drags by his chains. In the finest versions of this story, the best parts are the terrifying parts. 
Bestselling author and editor Christopher Golden shares his love for Christmas horror stories with this anthology of all-new short fiction from some of the most talented and original writers of horror today.

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Ninja Kid #2: Flying Ninja! – Anh Do

Illustrations – Jeremy Ley

Once upon a time, many moons ago, I balanced precariously upon the cliffhanger of book one. Now I’ve devoured book two and am perched above another cliff.

‘But that’s a story for another day.’

Nooooo!

I hate the waiting game!

Me too, Ninja Kid! It feels like I’ve been waiting forever to read this book (March was forever ago, right?) and it didn’t disappoint. I think we’ve already established that I’m obsessed with all of Anh Do’s kid’s books and after only two books I think the Ninja Kid series is going to be my favourite.

They’re such feel-good books; they always make me smile and I come away from the experience feeling better about the world. In this instalment, Ninja Kid (Nelson) is up against all of the machines in Duck Creek, which are mysteriously coming to life each time it rains. There’s also a class excursion to the zoo that includes a stampede of zoo animals.

Once again Ninja Kid is teamed up with H-Dude (his best friend and cousin, Kenny) and awesome inventor Grandma Pat, who will always be my favourite character in the series. His mother is also there, but not in a starring role. In this book we find out just who that evil guy in the helicopter from the first book is and a little of his dastardly plan but the scene is set for Ninja Kid and helicopter guy to do battle another day.

Because Ninja Kid is sort of a superhero in the making his disguise of a sock fashioned into a mask is more than enough to deem him unrecognisable to everyone who knows him, even when he’s wearing the exact same clothes in Ninja mode and Nelson mode. However unbelievable this may seem, the precedence has already been established by many superheroes before him.

Both Nelson and Kenny face their fears in this book and the writing is often so corny it’s funny.

‘I hate vacuum cleaners!’ said Kenny. ‘They suck!’

It was hard to argue with him!

Jeremy Ley’s illustrations are magic! Some pages had two illustrations and there was only one page in the entire book that only had text. While Anh is one of my favourite kid’s authors, Jeremy has easily become one of my favourite illustrators. There’s humour in the pictures that matches that of the text, the expressions on the peoples’ faces are easy to ‘read’ and what’s happening in the book matches what’s happening in the pictures. I can’t believe how many kid’s books I’ve read where the illustrations have huge details that don’t line up with the description in the text, so finding illustrators that get it all right is a huge plus for me. Jeremy ticks every box and makes me wish he’d teach me how to draw.

I need the third book now please! ‘Coming soon’ is way too long to wait!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Nelson is a ninja. He’s not the coolest. Or the bravest. But he is the world’s nerdiest ninja! And now he has to stop an animal rampage and machines going crazy all over town! For that, he’ll need his new jetpack … and some serious ninja skills! How will Nelson learn to fly when he’s scared of heights?!

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