Robert Grim #2: Oracle – Thomas Olde Heuvelt

Translator – Moshe Gilula

How could a sound that had ceased forty years ago suddenly echo again on a cold winter morning … and feel so wrong?

Luca and Emma weren’t expecting to find a ship in a tulip field on their way to school. It wasn’t there yesterday and it seems pretty impossible that it’s there now.

This sounds like a job for Robert Grim.

I can’t say that Robert Grim was exactly enjoying his retirement or even remembering much of it. He doesn’t live in Black Spring anymore, though, so that’s progress.

He’s not exactly advertising his services but even he can’t deny he has a unique skill set. His involvement in this investigation isn’t what you’d call voluntary. That’s not how these things work.

This is one of those rare series where I enjoyed the sequel more than the first book. I was all about the mystery of the ship but it turns out that’s only the beginning of this story.

While this book was still dark, there was some hope to be found. I had Luca, a gutsy kid, to cheer on and I needed that.

I struggled with the fictional animals meeting their maker in HEX. There was some of that here too but none that I’d built a relationship with first so that made it easier.

If you absolutely had to, you could read this book without having read HEX but you would be missing out. It provides much needed context for the character of Robert Grim. This book also includes spoilers for the first so you won’t want to read them out of order.

Supernatural phenomena followed their own set of rules … until they didn’t.

I spent the whole book trying to figure out how Robert Grim survived the Black Rock Witch and I was given an explanation but I need to know more. Thankfully this book ends with an opening for another so I may get to explore this further.

Oftentimes when I’m reading a book, I think about what I would do if I was plonked into the storyline. If I had made my way to Every Man’s End, I would unquestionably not be here to tell you about it. I would have investigated the ship that shouldn’t have been, the bell would have tolled and, well, if you read the book you’ll know what would’ve happened next.

‘And what did you think?’

‘That they should have listened to the kid, dammit.’

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Hodder & Stoughton for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

On a foggy winter morning two children discover the impossible: the wreck of an eighteenth-century ship stranded in a field.

One enters the hatch on the deck and is never seen again. And she isn’t the last to disappear…

Soon a government agency begins to investigate, determined to uncover the ship’s secrets before a media storm erupts. They enlist Robert Grim, a retired specialist of the occult, to unravel the mystery, who soon realises the ship could be a harbinger of an ancient doom awakened under the sea. 

In a maelstrom of international intrigue and pure terror, Grim must race against time as he comes face to face with an open doorway to the apocalypse.

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A Botanical Daughter – Noah Medlock

Simon does his work in the basement. His “cadaverous creations” range from social commentary to the whimsical.

It wasn’t his fault he was good at stuffing God’s creatures and posing them to lampoon the social mores of the day.

Gregor works in the light, cultivating floral and fungal wonders from near and far, guided by his imagination and innovative spirit.

He had better things to do – there was botany afoot.

Simon and Gregor have never had the opportunity to have a child. Until now. Their relationship is unconventional for the time and, as a result, secret. The same could be said of their daughter.

I’ve been obsessed with this cover since I first saw it. I also may have been a tad obsessed with the blurb.

Sometimes the reality of a book doesn’t line up with your expectations but that’s not the book’s fault and it’s not always the worst thing that could happen.

The writing was more poetic than I thought I’d find and that was a pleasant surprise. There was a formality to some of the writing, which I also didn’t expect, but that fit well with the time period in which the book takes place.

I was awed by the amount of research that must have gone into the potential repurposing of each plant. As someone who has successfully managed to kill an air fern, I’m clearly not the most horticulturally minded person. As a result, I sometimes glazed over when I encountered details that were beyond me.

I swear I will see the day when humans fully understand the botanical kingdom, and the botanical kingdom fully understands us.

I never really connected with Simon or Gregor but I had a soft spot for Jennifer. I wanted to spend more time with Rosalinda.

I spent the entire book waiting for hell to break loose and probably hyped it up too much in my mind. There was the body horror I’d hoped for but not as much as I’d wanted.

To be fair, I’m not sure there’d ever be enough body horror for me. At this point, I may be somewhat immune. I’ve just binged all of the Saw movies and wasn’t squeamish once. If you’re not as bloodthirsty as me, you’ll probably find the right amount of body horror here.

And, you never know, you may be invited to very-high tea.

Now all we can do is hope, pray, and water.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Titan Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

It is an unusual thing, to live in a botanical garden. But Simon and Gregor are an unusual pair of gentlemen. Hidden away in their glass sanctuary from the disapproving tattle of Victorian London, they are free to follow their own interests without interference. For Simon, this means long hours in the dark basement workshop, working his taxidermical art. Gregor’s business is exotic plants – lucrative, but harmless enough. Until his latest acquisition, a strange fungus which shows signs of intellect beyond any plant he’s seen, inspires him to attempt a masterwork: true intelligent life from plant matter.

Driven by the glory he’ll earn from the Royal Horticultural Society for such an achievement, Gregor ignores the flaws in his plan: that intelligence cannot be controlled; that plants cannot be reasoned with; and that the only way his plant-beast will flourish is if he uses a recently deceased corpse for the substrate.

The experiment – or Chloe, as she is named – outstrips even Gregor’s expectations, entangling their strange household. But as Gregor’s experiment flourishes, he wilts under the cost of keeping it hidden from jealous eyes. The mycelium grows apace in this sultry greenhouse. But who is cultivating whom?

Told with wit and warmth, this is an extraordinary tale of family, fungus and more than a dash of bloody revenge from an exciting new voice in queer horror.

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Robert Grim #1: HEX – Thomas Olde Heuvelt

Translator – Nancy Forest-Flier

“Nothing’s normal here.”

Katherine van Wyler was sentenced to death for witchcraft in 1664 but that’s not where her story ends. Hundreds of years later, the Black Rock Witch remains, her eyes and mouth sewn shut.

Once you move to Black Spring, you will never live anywhere else. The residents of this insular community are used to living alongside this emaciated, chained woman but they’ve been lulled into a false sense of security. If Katherine’s eyes ever open, her power will be unleashed.

This book has been on my radar for years and waited patiently on my Kindle for two. The upcoming release of the sequel gave me the perfect excuse to dive in and then I almost didn’t finish it. To be honest, if I hadn’t already committed to reviewing the sequel, I probably wouldn’t have.

“She’s not going to let you go. You live in Black Spring now. That means the curse is on you as well.”

It’s rare for a book to have a negative impact on me. Reading is my joy. Even when I read memoirs of people who have experienced the horrific, I find hope in their resilience.

This book, though, had a significant impact on my mental health. You could say it did its job, with the witch reaching out from the pages to infect me with her curse. It got to the point where, each time I started reading, I’d think ‘Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.’

But nothing was all right, nothing could ever be all right

I don’t think of myself as a reader with many rules. I’m happy to wander between genres and dip my toe into unfamiliar territory. Do what you want to the humans, especially if we’re in a slasher, and I’ll likely forgive you. I may even cheer you on. If you harm my fictional animals, though, we’re going to have a problem. I had a big problem with what the animals, one in particular, experienced in this book.

I don’t want you to think this wasn’t a good book. It was. It was well written. I got attached to a couple of the characters. I needed to know what hell was going to be unleashed once Katherine’s eyes opened. But wow, it really did a number on me.

“Peacocks. You know what that means, right?”

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Whoever is born here, is doomed to stay until death. Whoever comes to stay, never leaves.

Welcome to Black Spring, the seemingly picturesque Hudson Valley town haunted by the Black Rock Witch, a seventeenth-century woman whose eyes and mouth are sewn shut. Blind and silenced, she walks the streets and enters homes at will. She stands next to children’s beds for nights on end. So accustomed to her have the townsfolk become that they often forget she’s there. Or what a threat she poses. Because if the stitches are ever cut open, the story goes, the whole town will die.

The curse must not be allowed to spread. The elders of Black Spring have used high-tech surveillance to quarantine the town. Frustrated with being kept in lockdown, the town’s teenagers decide to break the strict regulations and go viral with the haunting. But, in so doing, they send the town spiralling into a dark nightmare.

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Bite Risk: Caught Dead – S.J. Wills

The moon was almost full when I got my claws on this book. Six Howl nights have passed since I first met Sel, which is appropriate because that’s how long it’s been since the Rippocalypse.

It was much easier getting into Tremorglade this time around because it’s no longer cut off from the outside world. Thanks, Sel. Now the entire world has been introduced to the corpus pilori virus. Thanks, Sel!

When you’ve already helped cause the end of the world, what’s left to be afraid of?

The people of Tremorglade have had a long time to get used to turning into Rippers and would be only too happy to lend a hand to the newbies, especially Olive. Depending on your perspective, transforming into a Ripper once a month is either the best thing ever (think Ripper Cultists) or the end of the world.

Immutables, people who don’t Turn, are now in the minority and some have little dog syndrome. They’re trying to convince anyone who’ll listen that Rippers should be put back in their cages, but Rippers aren’t dangerous anymore, right? Right?

The main characters don’t know who to trust and neither did I. I viewed practically everyone with suspicion and wondered if that was in part a result of the us versus them mentality of some of the characters. Fear of the other was the impetus for a whole bunch of dastardly deeds.

Having several narrators telling the story can be distracting for me sometimes but it worked really well here. It’s a good thing, too. Otherwise we wouldn’t know what was happening for entire sections as you don’t remember what you do when you’re Ripped out.

My favourites from the first book all returned for the second in some form or another and I got to meet some of the newbies. My favourite new character wasn’t a newbie at all. She was there all along but because she’s only eleven, Sel hasn’t really paid that much attention to her before, even though they’re next door neighbours.

Mika is oftentimes the voice of reason. She’s determined, persistent and gutsy. And she has a pony called Jelly Bean. I absolutely adore her!

After waiting six entire full moons to be able to sink my teeth into this book, I got sucked straight into it. The story was engaging from page 1 and was as good, if not better, than the first book.

I hoped all book that there’d be an opening at the end for a third book and, oh boy, is there an opening! I need the next book really soon, preferably before the next full moon!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

After Sel Archer and his friends uncover a conspiracy that turns the whole world upside down, it seems that the residents of Tremorglade are finally free. Adults can Turn at the full moon with no restrictions, no longer locked in cages and left to roam free. But the town’s new found fame is at risk as attacks begin to happen on Howl Night. Rumours of a foul, unkillable beast begin to stir … someone or something is plotting to control the Turned once and for all. 

A blockbuster teen horror series for fans of Skuduggery Pleasant, join Sel and his friends as they navigate a nail-biting horror story, dodging terrifying adults and even more terrifying beasts. Discover the first heart-pumping instalment with the multi award-shortlisted Bite Risk.

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Friday Barnes #12: Collision Course – R.A. Spratt

Friday Barnes is the social skills champion of her immediate family. We already knew this, although if you haven’t seen Friday interact with any of her family before (other than Uncle Bernie), you may find this hard to believe. Now we get more Barnes family conversations than I think I’ve ever been a part of as we spend time with a couple of her siblings and her mother.

‘Just when you thought this family couldn’t get any odder.’

But first we have to escape Paris and lose Ian. Oh, and witness Friday being tortured by makeover. Torture has never been so much fun!

But eventually we make it to Switzerland, where Friday participates in … a team sport? Wait. That can’t be right. There’s even cardio in this book and now I’m questioning whether this is a Friday Barnes book at all.

Okay, Melanie has just woken up from a nap and explained it all to me. Melanie is in fine form this book, staying awake for entire scenes at a time and reminding us she’s a human lie detector. Every time she calls someone out for lying, she makes me think of Saga’s Lying Cat.

Friday and Melanie’s friendship is just perfect, and is perfectly summed up for us here:

They had formed a symbiotic relationship. They were like algae and fungus combining to make lichen. They thrived together, but it was hard for either one of them to cope alone.

I had intended on acting with restraint where this book was concerned. I was going to wait for my library reservation to come in and it was going to be okay because I’d beaten all of the kids to it so I was the first one in the queue.

Then the book was released and my plan two months in the making fell apart. I caved and bought my own copy. You’re welcome, next person in the library queue.

‘Do you still play girl detective?’

Why, yes she does. For starters, there’s the Mystery of the Missing Manuscript, the Problem with the Passport, the Cleaning Conundrum, a Blackboard Brainteaser and some Toothbrush Trouble. We also learn about the benefits of babysitting and the joy of jail, and generate zeal for zip ties.

‘When did our lives get so complicated?’ asked Friday.
‘For me, it was the day I met you,’ said Melanie.

I am so ready for the complications of the next book. I have been (im)patiently waiting for my invitation to Binky’s wedding. I’m not sure if I’m going to need to get all dressed up for the next book or not but the end of this one tells me I’m going to be on the lookout for him at the very least. I can’t wait! I adore Binky!

Have fun dressing up as Friday Barnes in disguise this Book Week, kids!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Friday’s Mum, the Nobel Prize winning physicist, has been accused of espionage. The police think she’s been selling secrets about the CERN Hadron Super Collider.

Friday knows her mother isn’t capable of such a thing – this is a woman who can’t even operate a dishwasher. She’s got to smuggle herself into Switzerland to clear her Mum’s name. Fortunately, Melanie is a master of disguise.

After an extremely extreme make-over, Friday arrives at CERN and finds axolotls in the water coolers, graffiti in the great hall and most baffling of all – her sister has fallen in love with an engineer! Can Friday solve these mysteries? Can she keep her family out of prison? And can she recognise Ian if he shaves his head?

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The Day of the Door – Laurel Hightower

This first thing I did after I finished reading this book was preorder a signed copy. The second thing I did was add every other Laurel Hightower book to my TBR pile; up high, so they don’t get crushed by the weight.

I went into this read expecting a rehash of a bunch of movies I’ve seen where a film crew go into a [haunted location] and [bad stuff happens]. I was good with that. They’re enjoyable movies. The jump scares are usually broadcast at least a minute before they happen, the CGI is generally amusing at best, but they’re good, trashy fun. I would’ve been satisfied if this had been the book equivalent of B grade horror.

What I got was so much more.

“There was something there, something in that house that wasn’t … right. Wasn’t natural.”

For the first time in twenty years, the surviving Lasco’s are returning to 2103 Harper Lane. They’re being accompanied by a film crew, because family drama is always better when it’s televised.

“She says she’s going to tell us. All of it.”

Stella’s now adult children are each living in the shadow of the capital T trauma of their childhood, which culminated in the event that transformed their before into after.

Depending on who you believe, Stella is either the cause of this event or its biggest victim.

“However bad you think you had it, it was far, far worse for me.”

This book gets the impacts of trauma right while highlighting that one size does not fit all. There’s no clear consensus about what happened or what it continues to mean for them individually and as family, and the surviving Lasco kids live their adult lives in vastly different ways.

I wasn’t expecting to be so conflicted as I read. If you search a dictionary for narcissism and gaslighting, Stella’s is the face that should be accompanying the descriptions. She’s the kind of woman that you love to hate and, because of this, it’s really difficult to see her as the victim she portrays herself as.

The pain I felt for her children was visceral. I desperately wanted the adult kids to get the validation they deserved. I wanted The Cleaner’s audiences to be left with no doubt about the pain Stella caused her family.

The other part of me was hoping for the paranormal to practically leap off the page at me and that’s what messed with my head. If I got the oozy spooky I signed up for, then what did that say about Stella’s responsibility?

The squirminess of wanting accountability while yearning for the paranormal made this a much more uncomfortable read than I was expecting. I love that it took me there, because apparently I’m a masochist but also because I don’t want easy reads.

I want to be challenged. I want to have to think and feel and question. This book gave me complicated and my squirminess now is about needing someone to talk to about the [bad stuff]. Someone I know needs to read this book very soon.

I practically hoovered this book. I was left feeling so satisfied with how it ended but I still want more. I now need the book where we hang out with Carrie in her other job.

So, what awaits us on the third floor? Something awesome!

Thank you so much to BookSirens and Ghoulish Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Once there were four Lasco siblings banded together against a world that failed to protect them. But on a hellish night that marked the end of their childhood, eldest brother Shawn died violently after being dragged behind closed doors. Though the official finding was accidental death, Nathan Lasco knows better, and has never forgiven their mother, Stella.

Now two decades later, Stella promises to finally reveal the truth of what happened on The Day of the Door. Accompanied by a paranormal investigative team, the Lasco family comes together one final time, but no one is prepared for the revelations waiting for them on the third floor.

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The Crane Husband – Kelly Barnhill

Cover image of The Crane Husband by Kelly Barnhill

I should have been worried about the crane.

Our unnamed protagonist is fifteen when the crane arrives but they were parentified long before. Her mother, so entrenched in trauma generations in the making, doesn’t have the capacity to be there in a meaningful way for her children. It’s up to our fifteen year old to parent her younger brother, Michael, as well as herself.

This novella is a retelling of The Crane Wife and I still don’t know what to do with this story a week after I finished reading it.

It’s haunting and horrifying. It tackles domestic violence, which is ugly, no matter what form it takes.

There was no one to tell. So I told no one.

In the hands of Kelly Barnhill, though, even disturbing stories like this one contain beauty and that, my friend, is what cognitive dissonance is made of.

It’s the daughter doing everything in her power to protect her brother. It’s how she resists the violence that has invaded her home. But it’s also the way the author creates with words, so it feels like they’re dancing around me.

It’s fitting that the teller of this story doesn’t have a name. Women in her family are the subject of gossip and rumours but they don’t have identities outside of their roles: mother, artist, daughter, sister.

Her brother has a name. The sheep have names. The women do not.

I knew when I read When Women Were Dragons that I’d found a new favourite author. This book confirmed it while reminding me that I still need to read everything else Kelly Barnhill has ever written. I need those stories in my heart, even if they hurt.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

“Mothers fly away like migrating birds. This is why farmers have daughters.”

A fifteen-year-old teenager is the backbone of her small Midwestern family, budgeting the household finances and raising her younger brother while her mum, a talented artist, weaves beautiful tapestries. For six years, it’s been just the three of them — her mum has brought home guests at times, but none have ever stayed.

Yet when her mum brings home a six-foot tall crane with a menacing air, the girl is powerless to prevent her mum letting the intruder into her heart, and her children’s lives. Utterly enchanted and numb to his sharp edges, her mum abandons the world around her to weave the masterpiece the crane demands.

In this stunning contemporary retelling of “The Crane Wife” by the Newbery Medal-winning author of The Girl Who Drank the Moon, one fiercely pragmatic teen forced to grow up faster than was fair will do whatever it takes to protect her family — and change the story.

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Hamlet is Not OK- R.A. Spratt

Selby lives in an apartment above her parents’ bookstore. It sounds to me like she’s living the dream. Not so much, though. Selby’s not like the rest of her family. She doesn’t do well in school and she’s not a fan of books.

She’s pretty well caught up on all of the soap operas she binges but that doesn’t count as an accomplishment to her parents. And she may have forgotten to do her homework for the past six months.

Now her binge watching days are over and she has a hobbit for a tutor. Okay, maybe not literally but she has trouble seeing Dan, one of her older brother’s friends, as anything else.

A good author can make words come alive but not usually to this extent. Before they know what’s happening, Selby and Dan are in the story.

‘There are stranger things in heaven and earth than in our imaginations, Selby.’

In spending time in the pages of Hamlet, themes of grief, loss and mental health are explored.

‘It’ll be fun. You might even learn something.’

Speaking of, you may stumble across some accidental learning.

I’m not quite sure where this book fits. It reads like a middle grade book but the main character is 16 and my library categorised it as YA. If this had been published when I was a kid, I probably would have read it when I was 10 or 11. I usually liked reading about kids who were older than I was but the Shakespeare would have tripped me up.

If you’ve somehow made it this far without reading Hamlet or at least picking up on the basics of the story by osmosis, you’re in for some major spoilers.

This book is a reader’s dream come true, playing with the magic of bringing a book to life. If I had the ability to transport myself into a fictional world, I probably wouldn’t be choosing one with such a high body count, but Selby didn’t get to choose her English homework.

‘I told you if you saw the play performed live it would make more sense to you.’

I couldn’t read a book like this without thinking about the stories I’d choose to spend a few chapters in if I had the chance. The chocoholic in me wants to hide out in Wonka’s factory for a while. Kid me would have wanted to live inside The Neverending Story, after the whole Nothing business was fixed. Ultimately, though, I think I’d want to spend with my kindred spirit, Anne Shirley Cuthbert.

Thank you so much to NetGalley, Independent Publishers Group and Penguin Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House Australia, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Selby hates homework. 

She would rather watch TV – anything to escape the tedium of school, her parents’ bookshop and small-town busybodies. 

So Selby didn’t plan to read Hamlet. She certainly never planned to meet him. 

This novel transports Selby, and the reader, into the cold and crime-ridden play itself. Here she meets Hamlet: heavy with grief, the young prince is overthinking and over everything. Selby can relate. But unlike Hamlet, Selby isn’t afraid of making decisions. In her world, Selby is used to feeling overlooked. But in the bloody, backstabbing world of Shakespeare, Selby’s good conscience and quiet courage might just save some lives … hopefully before Hamlet stabs one of her classmates.

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Tales from Lovecraft Middle School #4: Substitute Creature – Charles Gilman

Illustrations – Eugene Smith

Standing barefoot on the fourth floor ledge of the school while it’s snowing wasn’t the plan but Glenn had the bright idea to go explore the mansion and here we are. Anyway, it’s the perfect excuse to get out of Lovecraft Middle School’s Valentine’s Day concert. They’re singing all things lovey dovey in there.

Ms Lavinia, the school librarian and one of the only adults the boys know they can trust, isn’t in the library today. Something doesn’t smell right and it’s not just her replacement’s perfume. Miss Carcasse isn’t exactly the most positive person to be stranded with in a snowstorm either.

“In the end, your actions have no meaningful consequences. Your fates were decided long ago.”

I usually try to read a themed book for Valentine’s Day but this year I hadn’t found one in time. Imagine my delight when I discovered that most of this book takes place on Valentine’s Day!

I’ve been looking forward to this series for years and have really been enjoying it. If this was another book in the series, I’d say it was entertaining. As the final book in the series, though, I’m left frustrated, wanting answers to questions I now know I won’t be getting.

I don’t know if there were plans for more books that didn’t eventuate or if the author always planned on leaving the ending open. Regardless, I’m left feeling like I do when one of my favourite TV shows gets cancelled and I’m left in limbo for the rest of my life.

The entire series has been leading up to events that were going to take place in spring but I ran out of pages on 15 February. It sounded like spring was going to be awesome, too. From the third book:

“For centuries, the humans have trampled us! Squashed us! Swatted us! Poisoned us!” Howard said. “But this spring, with Master’s help, you will have your revenge!”

Please don’t hype me up with that many exclamation marks and then not give me spring!

We don’t get to explore the “giant labyrinth of cobwebbed corridors, twisting stairs, and mysterious passages” of Tillinghast Mansion for the first time. I was hoping we’d spend most of the book there, especially after Robert and Glenn went through a gate pretty much straight away. I still don’t understand why that gate didn’t lead where gates usually take them.

Mr Loomis, my favourite teacher, and Ms Lavinia, my favourite librarian, didn’t make an appearance. While I know where Ms Lavinia would have been, I was sure we’d see her before the end of the book. Also, Glenn got hardly any page time.

Some of my unanswered questions relate directly to this book. Others I’ve wondered about in previous books and assumed (wrongly) that I’d know the answers by now.

How does Robert understand Pip and Squeak? What’s their backstory? Why are they so smart?

Why didn’t any of the teachers ever figure out that Karina isn’t like other students?

Why does Karina need to sleep?

How was it possible for the beings from the alternaverse to morph into their true form and then back to human form without destroying their flesh suits?

Are the spirits trapped in urns for all eternity now because the big showdown never happened?

What happens when the kids go back to school tomorrow?

Why didn’t I get to see spring?

It’s not all doom and gloom. Eugene Smith’s illustrations are still a highlight. We do get invited to a slumber party and finally come face to face with Crawford Tillinghast.

Face to face with Tillinghast

We meet some cutie pie furballs and the storyline for one of our main characters has a happy ending decades in the making.

Make sure you bring a torch and some warm clothes.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

It’s Valentine’s Day and a monstrous blizzard has descended upon Lovecraft Middle School, trapping twelve-year-old Robert Arthur inside the building! He and his companions have no choice but to spend the night — while snacking on cafeteria food, sleeping on the gymnasium floor, facing off against a sinister substitute teacher, and thwarting an army of abominable beasts.

This fourth novel in the Lovecraft Middle School series begins right where Teacher’s Pest ended — with more action, more adventure, and more outrageous monsters!

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Tales from Lovecraft Middle School #3: Teacher’s Pest – Charles Gilman

Illustrations – Eugene Smith

If creepy crawlies aren’t your thing, this is not the book for you. With a cast of over a hundred thousand, they’re absolutely everywhere.

There’s stinging. There’s buzzing. There’s itching. You’re probably going to be compelled to check your hair for lice, just in case.

Best friends Robert, Glenn and Karina are used to going up against the shenanigans of their school’s growing army of baddies by now, but they’re gonna need a bigger can of bug spray for this one.

“This is the most disgusting thing that’s ever happened to us.”

Speaking of bug spray, if there are men in hazmat suits at your school, you probably don’t want to be there that day. Even if the pesticide smells like pancakes.

Howard, who we met in the second book, has a larger role in this one. That’s him on the front cover. Yes, this former model student has developed some diabolical tendencies recently.

Howard the pest

We spend some more time in Tillinghast Mansion, which apparently is a Tardis, and we finally get to see Glenn’s home. I learned I’d get along well with Robert’s hometown teacher, Miss Lynch, who enjoys fun facts as much as I do.

Fun fact: “Flies taste with their feet.”

Eugene Smith’s illustrations are still bringing the humans and not so humans to life.

A lot still needs to be resolved with only one book left in the series. By this time tomorrow I hope to have all of my questions answered.

Until then, remember to keep your mouth closed and always carry some emergency chocolate.

“It’s been a really weird week.”

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Don’t be fooled by his friendly smile, his perfect manners, or his shiny red apple. Student council president Howard Mergler is actually a sinister bug-monster in disguise — and he’s summoning swarms of roaches, wasps, fleas, and head lice into the corridors of Lovecraft Middle School!  Twelve-year-old Robert Arthur is the only student who can stop him — but he’ll need help from his best friends: the school bully, the school ghost, and an extremely courageous two-headed rat.

This third novel in the Lovecraft Middle School series begins right where Professor Gargoyle and The Slither Sisters ended — with more action, more adventure and more outrageous monsters!

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