Tag: Sexual Assault

Know My Name – Chanel Miller

You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice, until today.

Chanel Miller was raped on Sunday, 18 January 2015.

I was raped three days earlier (80 hours before Chanel was, if you take time zones into account). Once I saw that date in print and realised how little time separated our experiences, I couldn’t help but see her story personally. So this is going to be a different review than I would usually write. Feel free to skip the bits where I talk about me.

Chanel learned what happened to her at the same time as the rest of the world. She was treated in a hospital, endured the indignity of a rape kit and spoke to a detective who believed and didn’t judge her. This sexual assault gained worldwide attention but it was Brock Turner’s name we knew; Chanel’s identity was erased. The trial resulted in guilty verdicts on three counts but, in my view, the punishment did not fit the crime; it may as well have been a slap on the wrist.

The detective who ultimately decided I would not step foot in a court room reviewed my statement and asked me, “How is that even possible?!” They didn’t make contact with the man who raped me but did phone my psychologist to ask if I have a mental illness that would cause me to make up something like this and oh, by the way, the description I told the police matched the description I told my psychologist. I also privately reported the rape to two other relevant institutions in the hope that speaking up would prevent this from happening again. Those two institutions told the man who raped me what I had said; this resulted in two threats from him to take legal action against me. For telling the truth. In Australia, where defamation laws are beyond insane.

I didn’t follow the story of Chanel’s sexual assault in the media. Even still, I knew the words Standford, rape, swimmer. My introduction to this book was via a publisher’s emailed newsletter, which is how I learn about so many of the books I need to read. I wasn’t sure it was for me though, until I ugly cried my way through I Am With You. I needed to know more about this intelligent, creative woman.

Still, I waited patiently for my library to purchase a copy. I made it all the way to page 23 before I finally figured out I needed my own copy, one I could highlight to my heart’s content and return to as often as I needed. I don’t know if I’m more grateful or sad that I found this book so relatable.

This is Chanel Miller’s story.
Author.
Artist.
Daughter.
Sister.
Friend.
Girlfriend.
Survivor.
A woman who has experienced raped, but who is so much more.

This is an attempt to transform the hurt inside myself, to confront a past, and find a way to live with and incorporate these memories. I want to leave them behind so I can move forward. In not naming them, I finally name myself. My name is Chanel. I am a victim, I have no qualms with this word, only with the idea that it is all that I am.

Although our stories are vastly different, so much of Chanel’s story resonated with me. While I hurt for her and was furious on her behalf as I read about her experiences, I was also lifted by her strength, determination and resilience. I had trouble reading some parts, either because they reminded me too much of my own story or, oddly enough, because they didn’t. I needed to step away and distract myself with a children’s book or play with Lego at times, but my overall takeaway from this book is hope.

The hope of words reaching out to me and encouraging me to hold on when difficult times find me:

You have to hold out to see how your life unfolds, because it is most likely beyond what you can imagine. It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do.

The hope that comes in the form of a narrative that doesn’t sugar coat what recovery from trauma looks and feels like:

As a survivor, I feel a duty to provide a realistic view of the complexity of recovery.

The hope that therapy can offer:

It feels better when the story is outside myself.

Although I don’t know Chanel I feel like I got to know her as I read her story; this is a woman I would want to be friends with. I loved being introduced to Chanel’s family and friends, and want to personally thank every single person who has supported, encouraged and validated her. My heart grew several sizes as I read about professionals who exuded empathy and compassion. Sure, there were others I wanted to slap, but the ones who went above and beyond reminded me that there are people out there who can soften the blow when trauma finds you.

Chanel truly is a writer. She can paint a scene so vivid that I felt I was inside it. She took me on an emotional journey with her; I may have felt it more because I was revisiting my own at the same time but I think I would have felt the highs and lows regardless.

I want to recommend this book to everyone, but especially to those whose professions bring them into contact with victims of sexual assault, whose responses can either provide validation or add to the trauma.

This book does not have a happy ending. The happy part is there is no ending, because I’ll always find a way to keep going.

If I were Chanel I don’t think I would ever want to read another word written about me. I’m just so proud of her though. Chanel, if you ever read this, please know that I believe you and I am with you.

Although I’ve never attempted anything like what Chanel has accomplished here I have needed to write statements that include the details of sexual assault and know how impossible it can feel both to find the right words and to revisit memories with sharp edges. Chanel has done an incredible job and I’m really look forward to reading whatever she writes in the future.

You can search for resources in over a hundred countries at:

Please know that it was not your fault, you are not alone and I believe you. 💜

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The riveting, powerful memoir of the woman whose statement to Brock Turner gave voice to millions of survivors. 

She was known to the world as Emily Doe when she stunned millions with a letter. Brock Turner had been sentenced to just six months in county jail after he was found sexually assaulting her on Stanford’s campus. Her victim impact statement was posted on BuzzFeed, where it instantly went viral – viewed by eleven million people within four days, it was translated globally and read on the floor of Congress; it inspired changes in California law and the recall of the judge in the case. Thousands wrote to say that she had given them the courage to share their own experiences of assault for the first time.

Now she reclaims her identity to tell her story of trauma, transcendence, and the power of words. It was the perfect case, in many ways – there were eyewitnesses, Turner ran away, physical evidence was immediately secured. But her struggles with isolation and shame during the aftermath and the trial reveal the oppression victims face in even the best-case scenarios. Her story illuminates a culture biased to protect perpetrators, indicts a criminal justice system designed to fail the most vulnerable, and, ultimately, shines with the courage required to move through suffering and live a full and beautiful life.

Know My Name will forever transform the way we think about sexual assault, challenging our beliefs about what is acceptable and speaking truth to the tumultuous reality of healing. It also introduces readers to an extraordinary writer, one whose words have already changed our world. Entwining pain, resilience, and humour, this memoir will stand as a modern classic.

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Halloween Carnival Volume 4 – Brian James Freeman (editor)

Yes, I know Halloween is over but when you’re into horror every day can be Halloween! I did begin this volume in early October but because I didn’t love any of the stories it’s been a bit of a slog to finish it.

Mannequin Challenge by Kealan Patrick Burke – 🎃🎃🎃

Theo is mentally preparing himself to attend the office Halloween party. As an introvert I can definitely relate to his reticence, especially considering he’s an outsider and there’s going to be a mannequin challenge. I was surprised by Theo’s response to the mannequin challenge (we certainly differ in that respect). I wish there had been an explanation, however brief, of how the mannequin challenge worked the way it did.

Death stood by the photocopy machine, a drink raised to its bony mouth.

Across the Tracks by Ray Garton – 🎃🎃🎃

Kenny, Sam and JayJay are from the wrong side of the tracks. The good candy can be found across the tracks in the affluent part of town so that’s where they are trick-or-treating. Unfortunately a bully and his minions are also there, but encountering them isn’t the weirdest thing to happen that night. The descriptions of the bullying were quite graphic and the story ended abruptly. Although I don’t mind some ambiguity, the main event takes place off page and that’s the part I wanted to be able to see. I didn’t get any of the answers I was seeking.

Since they had first encountered him in grammar school, Ed Mortimer had been a permanent part of their lives, a human animatronic Halloween yard decoration that could jump out of the dark at them at any time, all year long.

The Halloween Tree by Bev Vincent – 🎃🎃

Luke and his friends are going trick or treating tonight and for Luke this means he’ll need to face one of the scariest things in his life – the tree on the corner. Luke is convinced this particular tree is alive and scheming against him. Unfortunately I didn’t find this story scary at all.

In that moment it looked like a giant ogre, with arms upraised and outstretched, ready to wrap them up in a crushing embrace, impaling their bodies with spiny talons six feet long.

Pumpkin Eater by C.A. Suleiman – 🎃🎃🎃

Peter loves Halloween but his wife Marlene doesn’t. He chooses this night to fix his marital problems, once and for all. This was a predictable story.

She had no idea that he knew. No idea the price she would have to pay.

When the Leaves Fall by Paul Melniczek – 🎃🎃🎃

In Haverville there’s one farm that no one ever talks about. Signs surrounding the farm warn trespassers to stay away. One Halloween night, Chris and his best friend Kyle decide to find out what’s really going on at Graver’s Farm. Neither will ever be the same. This was the longest story in this collection. With the amount of build up I expected more answers than I found.

Nightfall was coming swiftly, carrying the seeds of slumber. And also the batwings of nightmare.

I’ve now read four of the five volumes in this series and this is my least favourite so far. I’m disappointed that I don’t have a favourite story in this volume. I’m also not keen to reread any of them.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Hydra, an imprint of Random House Publishing Group, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Kealan Patrick Burke, Ray Garton, Bev Vincent, C. A. Suleiman, and Paul Melniczek treat readers to some spooky tricks with a hair-raising assemblage of tales gathered together by author, editor, and master of the macabre Brian James Freeman.

THE MANNEQUIN CHALLENGE by Kealan Patrick Burke
For some, office parties are the highlight of the season. For others, they can paralyze with dread. Theo is determined not to let his anxiety stop him from attending—though maybe he’s right to be afraid.

ACROSS THE TRACKS by Ray Garton
The candy’s always better on the other side of town, even if it means crossing paths with bullies. But a rich house with an unlocked door might just be too good to be true …

THE HALLOWEEN TREE by Bev Vincent
Every town has one: a house or a field or an old tree that just gives off a bad vibe. Of course, those feelings are just silly superstition, nothing to take seriously. Right?

PUMPKIN EATER by C. A. Suleiman
Peter loves Halloween – almost as much as he hates his wife. Luckily, his favourite holiday presents an opportunity to fix his problem. After all, putting his wife in her place should be as easy as pie.

WHEN THE LEAVES FALL by Paul Melniczek
Haverville always seemed like a typical town to me: a place where people work hard, and no one ever really leaves. Until the night I went to Graver’s Farm – and discovered what Haverwille was really hiding. 

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A Wistful Tale of Gods, Men and Monsters – David Ruggerio

DNF @ 26%

I was intrigued by this book’s blurb and was looking forward to a spooky read. The idea of a town that’s inherently evil, with the scares taking place in a graveyard, school and mortuary, sounded like my kind of fun. Unfortunately it’s not working for me at all, which is really disappointing. Even worse, I’m currently surrounded by reviewers who loved this book so I feel like I’m missing out on something wonderful.

I’m finding the story quite disjointed and haven’t been able to form an emotional connection with any of the characters that have been introduced so far.

I acknowledge that I’m reading an advanced copy of this book so hopefully proofreading and editing will fix a lot of the problems I’ve experienced. The punctuation is all over the place. An abundance of commas exist where they shouldn’t and they’re missing where they’re needed. While they could easily be fixed, here are only a couple of the many sentences that frustrated me:

Whether that was Lilly or not, William wasn’t waiting around to find out, he bolted.

That old Ford was a sight for sore eyes, he could now breathe easy.

An extraordinary feeling of happiness and expectations filled the inhabitants, this was their holiday.

I know my punctuation and grammar are nowhere near perfect either, but I’d definitely want someone to clean up my writing if I ever expected people to pay for it.

There was some phrasing that felt awkward:

These were ghosts that were disturbed for keeping evil obsessions hidden.

they were blood-like red in color.

It was an erotic transformation, from a woman of beauty to a fierce beast of uncontrollable hatred for mankind.

This was a horror unlike any before; no man had ever survived such a terror and lived to tell about it.

My jaw dropped (and I almost threw in the towel right then and there) when I found this sentence in the second chapter:

Giving birth was akin to a gang-rape.

Characters have also called one another “homo”, “nuts” and “retarded”.

If the story had grabbed me I wouldn’t have been as focused on typos, including “lightening” instead of “lightning”, as well as the other nitpicks. I hate to admit defeat where any book is concerned but I can’t travel any further with this one.

I’d encourage you to read some 4 and 5 star reviews before deciding if this is the book for you or not. I’m definitely an outlier here.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Black Rose Writing for the opportunity to read this book.

Once Upon a Blurb

Can a village be inherently evil? Welcome to Brunswick NY, Population 4,941.

On the surface, this sleepy hamlet comes alive in the autumn with picturesque apple orchards, haunted corn mazes, laden pumpkin patches and holiday hay rides. During a snowy Halloween, a young William Willowsby must battle evil forces that have been shielded by the locals for generations. On the outskirts of the town is the abandoned Forest Park Cemetery. All things wicked seem to revolve around the old graveyard. A rarely seen homunculus serves an evil task master. Together they weave a wicked web that attempts to snare the youth of the hamlet. A creepy graveyard, a spooky schoolhouse, an abandoned mortuary and a member of his own family will leave you simply sleepless.

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Fugly – Claire Waller

Spoilers Ahead!

You know the feeling you get when you’re approaching a car accident? The traffic has slowed down, emergency services are already on the scene and you don’t want to look. You know if you were involved in that accident you wouldn’t want a whole pile of strangers gawking at you as they passed, yet you can’t help it. You look, even as you’re wishing you hadn’t.

That was how I felt the entire time I was reading this book. I wanted to look away and move on to something lighter, happier, less vindictive, but I kept reading. Why? Because, despite how uncomfortable I was, I still wanted to know. It was compulsive.

I’ve never understood why victims choose to become offenders. Surely if you’ve experienced something painful enough that you could be labelled a victim as a result, you know how bad that feels and wouldn’t want to inflict that pain on anyone else, right? Apparently not.

Beth was bullied at school and now she targets “Beautiful People” online. If she’d simply had some imaginative revenge fantasies featuring some of the worst offenders in her life I probably would have cheered her on but that’s not her game.

Instead she revels in trolling people she wants to be, people who have never done anything to her and who she knows nothing about outside of their likely Photoshopped online presence. It’s a victory for Beth if her victims shut down their social media accounts, and the hatred she receives from her victims’ supporters? Bring it on! It’s like a drug to her.

Here I’m not a loser. Here, I reign supreme. It doesn’t matter what side of the fence you fall down on: lover, hater, you’re still focused on me, talking about me, making me the topic of conversation.

While I never liked Beth I did find some of her commentary about being overweight authentic, from not wanting to eat in public to the shame of standing in a retail store that doesn’t stock clothes in your size. Had she not also been a troll I probably would have found her character fairly relatable. Well, except for the fact that she bought into some infuriating myths surrounding sexual assault and self harm, and her propensity to blame pretty much anyone other than herself. Okay, so maybe there’s not as much relatability happening here as I thought. I did want her to make an appointment with a psychologist rather than study psychology though.

I initially liked Amy, adorable, quirky Amy. She was a bit too sweet to feel realistic but the contrast between her and Beth, who mostly only approximated sweet when she was eating chocolate, felt necessary. (While I’m thinking about sugar, I have to say that I absolutely loved the phrase “chain-eat chocolate” and expect I will probably both do this and use it in a sentence within a week.)

I wanted to hold onto the time I had with sweet Amy and bask in the warmth of the sunlight that appeared to be originating from her pure heart. While I understood her confusion, pain and anger when she learned some truths about Beth, whenever she yo-yoed between anger and forgiveness her personality seemed to change, almost as if there were three distinct Amy’s.

There were a couple of reveals that I’d figured out early on and unfortunately the blurb gave too much away. While the ending felt too neat overall, I liked that there were some questions that remained unanswered. It would have been nice to know who Tori really was but not knowing was even better.

If you have a problem with swearing, this is probably not the book for you. Because I’m me, I got curious. Give or take a couple because my maths isn’t perfect, I counted “shit” and its variations, not including “shite” 77 times and “fuck” and its variations 231 times!

P.S. I wasn’t offended by the swearing. It just made me think of this scene from Supernatural. 😊

Thank you to NetGalley and Carolrhoda Lab, an imprint of Lerner Publishing Group, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

In real life, eighteen-year-old Beth is overweight, shy, and geeky. She’s been bullied all her life, and her only refuge is food. Online, though, she’s a vicious troll who targets the beautiful, vain, oversharing It Girls of the internet. When she meets Tori, a fellow troll, she becomes her online girlfriend-slash-partner-in-crime.

But then Tori picks a target who’s a little too close to home for Beth. Unsettled, Beth decides to quit their online bullying partnership. The only problem is, Tori is not willing to let her go.

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The Art of Breaking Things – Laura Sibson

Skye dreams of being an art major at Maryland Institute College of Art (MICA) when she graduates.

I love to draw and create projects for the people I care about, but I’ve never considered that my art could create change.

Skye is the daughter of an absentee father and a mother who is frequently emotionally unavailable and/or drunk.

“Other families are there for one another.” I can hear the tears clouding her whisper. “Other families are normal. Ours isn’t. Ours sucks.”

Skye is basically a second mother to Emma, her younger sister.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to her age. Before … everything.

Skye tells everyone she’s fine.

“I’m fine.” Fine. My go-to nothing word.

Skye is not fine. Why? Mostly because she has a secret. One she’s been keeping inside for years.

I wonder how many girls finally tell their secrets and what happens when they do.

This is such an important book and I hope it makes it into the hands of those who need to know they’re not alone. Skye’s story felt authentic to me, from what she has experienced to her emotions and behaviour. I found it gut-wrenching and difficult to read at times but I also experienced validation whenever Skye expressed feelings or thoughts that have mirrored my own throughout the years.

Comparisons could be made between this book and Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak. Both feature main characters who have experienced sexual assault, been silenced and find their voices through art, but Melinda’s story is not Skye’s. Sexual assault is not one size fits all; it takes many forms and while there are often many commonalities in both short and long term effects, individual responses can vary greatly. Skye’s responses differ from Melinda’s in a number of ways, though they’re all understandable and relatable.

Do I exist? Do I speak out loud? Sometimes I wonder.

I loved that Skye’s creativity is explored throughout this book, particularly when she describes how she would capture moments in time through art. The titles she gives these imagined scenes were interesting and helped to convey Skye’s perceptions and emotions at the time. While I could easily visualise these scenes, I wanted to see many of the finished products. In particular, there is a mural that includes a tree that I need someone to create; if I ever learned this existed outside of my imagination I‘d buy a framed print so it would be the first thing I’d see each day.

While I would have loved for this story to end all wrapped up with a pretty bow, it’s a more realistic narrative because it doesn’t. As far as we know, the perpetrator hasn’t been spoken to by the police or seen the inside of a prison cell, Skye and her family have not had any trauma informed therapy (or any therapy at all) and Skye’s mother has yet to fully realise the impacts of her emotional distance and reliance on her eldest daughter to parent her youngest. However, given the current conviction rates for sex offenders, it’s unlikely this creep would face anything resembling what I’d consider appropriate consequences for his actions. Also, because this story only explores some of Skye’s early life, I am at liberty to continue her story in my imagination however I choose. And in my little imaginary world, Skye has some wonderful experiences to look forward to. 😊

P.S. If you are experiencing sexual assault or have in the past, please know that you are not alone. The full responsibility lies with the perpetrator; you are not to blame. There is help available and you are worthy of receiving it.

In America, the National Sexual Assault Hotline offers confidential, anonymous support to survivors 24/7/365. It’s never too late to get help. You can reach RAINN by calling 800.656.HOPE or online at https://hotline.rainn.org/online.

If you live outside America and don’t know who to contact, you can search for relevant help in your country at http://www.hotpeachpages.net.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

In the tradition of Laurie Halse Anderson and Sara Zarr, one girl embraces the power of her voice: rules are meant to be broken and she won’t stay silent.

Seventeen-year-old Skye has her sights set on one thing: getting the heck out of Dodge. Art school is her ticket out and she’s already been accepted to her first choice, MICA. All she has to do is survive her senior year, not get too drunk at parties, and be there for her little sister, Emma. Sure, she’s usually battling a hangover when she drives to pick Emma up, but she has everything under control. Until he returns.

When her mum’s ex-boyfriend slithers his way back into her family, it’s all Skye can do to keep the walls of her world from crumbling. Her family has no idea Skye has been guarding a dark secret about her past – about him – and she never thought she would have to face him again. She knows she has to get away from him at all costs. But how can she abandon Emma?

Skye’s heart is torn between escaping the man who hurt her years ago and protecting her loved ones from the monster in their midst. Running away from her fears isn’t an option. To save her sister – and herself – she’ll have to break all the rules.

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Every Sparrow Falling – Shirley-Anne McMillan

Family doesn’t exist, I told myself. Not for people like me, anyway.

Cari has spent her life being bounced from one foster home to the next, never staying in one place long enough for any to feel like family. Now sixteen, her latest placement is with Dawn and Jacky, an elderly couple from Ballybaile, Northern Ireland who are “seasoned God-botherers”.

Three months into this placement Robin Merrow, a boy from Cari’s school, goes missing. The local rumour mill is having a field day, particularly Jessica and “the God squad”.

Cari has been spending time with Jessica and her Youth Fellowship friends at the urging of her foster parents but she’d much rather be hanging out with Stevie B., Brains and Muff, who relieve some of Cari’s boredom with actual fun. Jessica’s friends were mostly interchangeable to me but I really liked Brains.

The people in the town seemed to forget all about Robin’s disappearance after a while and while I did eventually learn a summary of his story, none of its content was really dealt with. While several social themes are touched on in this book, most don’t get a great deal of page time, such as when a character suddenly blurted out something huge about their past.

The blurb is accurate to a point, although the book ended up veering off into an entirely unexpected direction. Had I had any indication that a major plot point would focus on the intersection between homosexuality and Christian faith I may have steered clear.

To be fair, some characters in this book are not judgemental and others are well intentioned but naive. However there are also those who wander into conversion therapy territory. Sadly these conversations are quite realistic; I have heard eerily similar accounts from friends whose churches attempted to ‘heal’ them of homosexuality. With a reasonable amount of this story taking place around church activities I enjoyed Cari’s perspective as an outsider.

I identified with Cari’s feelings about foster care and would have liked to have seen this explored further. Her foster mother, Dawn, is firm but caring and Jacky, her foster father, is essentially a teddy bear. I adored Jacky. Cari fairly consistently doesn’t come home when she’s supposed to and they know she’s not truly sorry when she apologises, yet they still decide they need to trust her more by converting the garage into an apartment for her. This didn’t ring true for me. Having had my own experience with a Christian foster family that were of the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ persuasion, I appreciated Dawn and Jacky’s genuineness, but they did seem too good to be true.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Atom, an imprint of Little, Brown Book Group, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

‘Be nice to the majority of people and they won’t bother you much. Don’t get too involved. Have a laugh but keep your distance.’

These are the words 16-year-old Cariad lives by. She’s just been placed in yet another foster home, this time with an elderly Christian couple in a small town off the coast of Northern Ireland.

Cariad knows how to play this game. She’ll toe the line just enough that her new foster parents don’t ask what she gets up to when the sun goes down, just enough that they leave her alone. It’s easier that way.

But when a boy at school disappears – presumed dead – and no one seems to care, it really bothers her. Then one night out walking on the clifftops, she sees him and he asks her to keep his secret.

‘Don’t get too involved. Have a laugh but keep your distance.’

These are the words Cariad has lived by … until now.

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Just Lucky – Melanie Florence

Lucky is 15 and lives with her grandparents. Her best friend, Ryan, is literally the boy next door. When her grandfather dies, Lucky does her best to take over the role of caring for her grandmother, who has Alzheimer’s. An accident brings the attention of the authorities to their home situation, resulting in Lucky being placed in foster care.

A series of foster placements take her away from the familiarity of what used to be her life. Some placements are weird, some are okay and some are downright creepy. None of them are home. All the while, Lucky holds out hope that soon she and her grandmother will be able to return to their own home.

Although the publisher’s website states the target audience for this book is 13 to 18 years, the writing style felt more suitable for younger readers, with the exception of some swearing. This made me think this was a Hi-Lo book, although I cannot find any information to support this assumption. This was a short book with over sixty very short chapters, and a quick read. I didn’t have any problems with the overall story but I wanted it to be fleshed out more.

While I was told what was happening I never got beyond the idea that I was reading a series of, ‘this happened, then that happened, this person said this, then that happened’. There weren’t many expressed emotions, other than some tears (after which I was consistently told that Lucky wasn’t a crier) and the fact that almost every time Lucky encountered confrontation she resorted to physical violence, even though there was no indication she had ever behaved that way before.

I stand by my previous reviews where I’ve said we need more books about foster care. While I loved that this book talked about foster care and did explore a few of the different types of homes foster kids are placed in, I felt there were some missed opportunities as well.

I’ve read a few books recently that have included so many young adult social issues that it began to feel like I was reading social issue soup and this book felt like that too. Although plenty of boxes have been checked (most are included in my content warnings) it felt like their existence was only acknowledged in Lucky’s story rather than adequately dealt with.

Lucky is Indigenous; her grandparents are Cree. While bannock is mentioned (which I definitely need to try for myself) and Lucky experiences racism based on her heritage, this was pretty much the extent of its inclusion in this book. The author also has Cree heritage and I would have loved to have learned more about this.

There were gaps in the story that I filled in myself. For example, Lucky’s best friend comes out to his conservative religious parents, his father beats him up because of it, Lucky’s grandmother confronts his parents and comes back to the house with some of his belongings, saying he’ll be staying with them for a few days. Then there’s no follow up, except a couple of years later he’s mentioning his aunt and uncle, yet we’re never told that he moved in with them. I made up scenarios of when and how that went down myself.

The descriptions were quite repetitive. While there were a few more that I’m not mentioning here, food smelt “heavenly” four times and something was “amazing” nineteen times. If this is a Hi-Lo book the repetition makes sense. If it’s not, I have a problem with it. Because I don’t know for sure, I’m currently sitting on the fence about it.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Second Story Press for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Fifteen-year-old Lucky loves her grandparents. True, her grandmother forgets things, like turning the stove off, or Lucky’s name, but her grandfather takes such good care of them that Lucky doesn’t realise how bad things are … until she loses her grandfather and is left caring for her grandmother on her own. When her grandma sets the kitchen on fire, Lucky can’t hide what’s happening any longer, and she is sent into foster care. She quickly learns that some families are okay, and some aren’t. And some really, really aren’t. None of them feel like home. And they’re certainly not family.

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Love, Heather – Laurie Petrou

Spoilers Ahead!

I gave myself some homework to complete before I would allow myself to pick up this book. I watched Heathers for the first time and it really helped having it fresh in my mind when I began reading. I understood references that likely would have whooshed over my head unnoticed otherwise and having just watched a revenge fantasy story, I had some idea of what was to come.

No one knows what she can do. No one has ever known.

Lottie and Stevie have been best friends all their lives. Stevie spends so much time at Lottie’s house she’s practically family and Lottie’s mother, Rhonda, is like a second mother to her. Lottie is a bookworm and Stevie loves movies (primarily those made between 1975 and 1995) so much that she’s had her own YouTube channel, FlickChick, since she was twelve.

Woepine High is like every other school: there’s a hierarchy.

The popular kids in their year have an undisputed leader – Athlete Barbie, A.K.A, Breanne. Then there’s Paige, Breanne’s “second in command”, and Paige’s boyfriend, Aidan. Lottie and Stevie have recently and quite accidentally become friends with them.

Some kind of wall went up when we started hanging out with all of them, and I’m not sure where the door is.

When a series of events results in Stevie being relentlessly bullied by ex-friends, other students and even complete strangers, her entire world comes crashing down and she has no one to turn to. Except Dee, the new girl.

“It’s people like us against the world, Stevie.”

Dee, who understands what Stevie’s going through. Dee, who decides it’s time the bullies were taught a lesson. Anonymously, of course. Each prank is accompanied by a message written in red lipstick: “LOVE, HEATHER”, an homage to teen revenge movie Heathers.

These acts of “mischief” soon take on a life of their own. The stakes are raised exponentially, with creative and sometimes brutal acts of revenge being played out across the school and beyond. What began with bullies being targeted becomes something where it’s harder to draw a line between bully and victim.

I mean, it’s hard to know who to root for, isn’t it?

I’ve agonised about what to write in this review for a couple of days. There was so much I loved about this book but there were also a couple of key points in the story that didn’t ring true and/or disappointed me. Please keep in mind that while yes, I had some niggles, that doesn’t necessarily mean you will agree with me.

After establishing the history of Stevie and Lottie’s friendship and Stevie’s sudden social pariah status, I felt this book then took off like a rocket. I was immersed in the acts of revenge and am fairly certain teenage me would have imagined some creative vigilante themed fantasies if I’d read this book then, much like when I conceived (but never acted upon) my own versions of poetic justice as I cheered Matilda on from the sidelines. Revenge fantasies are always fun, with their drama and the opportunity to cheer on underdogs.

If nothing else, this book reinforced my gratitude that I didn’t grow up surrounded by social media. Bullying is horrific enough when it’s physical and/or verbal. I can’t even imagine how the effects are compounded now that it follows you into your home, on your phone and spreading like a virus on the internet, where strangers can add fuel to the fire. Besides bullying, this book also delves into other complex and emotionally charged areas, including rape culture and gender identity.

Because I’m old now I have seen, or at least knew the general plot of, most of the movies referenced in this book but I’d be surprised if most young adults would have heard of the majority of them, unless their parents have introduced them to the movies they themselves grew up with. The lack of familiarity with these movies could potentially lead to the target audience not understanding some of the references to them in this book.

I found Lottie and Stevie’s friendship relatable and empathised with Stevie as she was bombarded with bullying and dealing with isolation. I ached for her as she was consistently let down by her parents. I kept wanting to read more about Pete and couldn’t decide if I was more interested in having them as my friend or teacher. I had problems with the character of Dee but can’t be specific because … spoilers.

I really enjoyed the majority of this book but I had a couple of fairly significant problems with it. When I got to the twist, my reaction pretty much mirrored this:

(Yes, I am binge watching Hart of Dixie at the moment.)

Variations of this particular twist have been done so many times before in so many other books and movies. Because I’ve come across it too many times I’m desensitised to it and I expect I probably even have a bias against it now. It would take something remarkable to occur in conjunction with that particular twist for me to not groan or roll my eyes when I encounter it. My main problem with that twist being in this book was that the psychology of it just didn’t sit right with me. However, to partially undo this entire paragraph, I need to acknowledge that because this book’s target audience are young adults, (i.e., not me) this may well be the first time some readers encounter this particular brand of twist and I hope they are blindsided by it.

My biggest problem with this book was its ending. It felt rushed and too neat. All things considered, the consequences seemed minimal and peoples’ responses to the character in question were too easy. After spending sufficient time setting up the important aspects of the friendships, bullying and pranks, the finale fizzled for me. This was quite a dark book in places and the end felt much too polite. Where was the rage and all of the other complicated feelings that would be expected after what happened?

Sidebar: Had I known before reading this book that Lottie and Stevie had exchanged best friend necklaces I would have called the demise of their friendship immediately, without even reading the blurb. Those curses that came in the innocent forms of hearts that declare you’re ‘BEST FRIENDS’ and break in two so you each get half of the words and heart were the present when I was growing up but whenever anyone I knew shared them, they wound up having a massive, often irreparable, fight shortly afterwards. You may think that this is mere coincidence or paranoia talking but I kid you not: those cutesy charms have some sort of friendship voodoo attached to them! Exchange them with extreme caution! 😜

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Crooked Lane Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Award-winning author Laurie Petrou makes her YA debut with this atmospheric thriller exploring the addictive pull of revenge.

What you see isn’t always what you get.

Stevie never meant for things to go this far. When she and Dee – defiant, bold, indestructible Dee – started all this, there was a purpose to their acts of vengeance: to put the bullies of Woepine High School back in their place. And three months ago, Stevie believed they deserved it. Once her best friend turned on her, the rest of the school followed. Stevie was alone and unprotected with a target on her back. Online, it was worse.

It was Dee’s idea to get them all back with a few clever pranks, signing each act Love, Heather – an homage to her favorite 80’s revenge flick. Despite herself, Stevie can’t help getting caught up in the payback, reveling in every minute of suffering. And for a while, it works: it seems the meek have inherited the school.

But when anonymous students begin joining in, punishing perceived slights with increasingly violent ferocity, the line between villain and vigilante begins to blur. As friends turn on each other and the administration scrambles to regain control, it becomes clear: whatever Dee and Stevie started has gained a mind – and teeth – of its own. And when it finally swallows them whole, one will reemerge changed, with a plan for one final, terrifying act of revenge.

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Sanctuary – V.V. James

Spoilers Ahead!

The first thing I did after I finished Sanctuary was preorder a signed, limited edition copy from Goldsboro Books and that, in itself, tells you everything you need to know about how much fun I had reading this book. My review could end here but, because I love chatting about books so much, it won’t.

The cover image caught my eye when I first saw it in a Goldsboro newsletter (bookish emails are so dangerous for me!) and after being enticed by the blurb I investigated further. NetGalley had review copies available and I managed to snag one! Woohoo! Now I’ve come full circle, back to Goldsboro, but wanting this book has now morphed into needing it.

Daniel died at a party a few weeks before the senior class graduates. He was a quarterback for the Sanctuary Spartans and had a football scholarship lined up. Harper, Daniel’s ex-girlfriend and the daughter of Sanctuary’s only witch, is suspected of having killed Sanctuary’s golden boy. A police investigation begins to determine the cause of Daniel’s death. Friendships are tested and loyalties are divided as the facade of this picture perfect small town cracks, spiralling into a witch hunt as long held secrets and lies are revealed.

#JusticeforDaniel

This story is told by Sarah, Abigail, Harper and Maggie, and also includes various transcripts, newspaper articles, emails and police documentation. I enjoyed the different perspectives and although I didn’t feel the four voices were distinct, I didn’t really mind as I was so occupied watching the chaos unfold.

“Our moms were drinking champagne when Daniel died. Sipping on bubbles as Beatriz screamed outside the burning party house and I was loaded into an ambulance.”

Harper, daughter of Sarah

“I always felt proud to be the mom of a boy – they’re so much more straightforward and honest. Girls can be sly, slinking things.”

Abigail, mother of Daniel

“To those who don’t need me, I’m an irrelevance. To those who do, I’m a help, a friend, a guide.”

Sarah, witch

“I don’t want to let down another girl by not being a good enough cop.”

Maggie, out-of-town state investigator

I always get a tad anxious when a book begins with a list of characters. Are there so many people that I won’t be able to tell them apart? Do I need to make copious notes to remember who everyone is in relation to everyone else? I’ll admit that as soon as I saw that list I put this book down and picked up another, delaying my read for several days. I needn’t have worried though. After the first couple of chapters I didn’t need to look at it again.

The four of us were friends, despite our obvious differences. And we became a true coven. Bridget grounds me, Abigail fires me up, and Julia reminds me of the beauty of my craft.

I enjoyed getting to know the various kids, coven members and their partners, and the police investigating Daniel’s death. I appreciated that Maggie’s perspective was coloured by a previous investigation, giving her character more depth. I wanted to give Sergeant Chester Greenstreet, A.K.A., Helpful Cop, a bear hug for some reason, and I really wanted to get to know Rowan Andrews, independent magical investigator (them/they/their), more. Rowan’s character intrigued me but they weren’t as involved in the story as I’d hoped.

I loved learning about this world’s magic system, with its rules, restrictions and fascinating powers. I enjoyed learning the rituals and watching Sarah’s preparations. Having consent as its foundational principle and it working by exchanging one thing for another made sense to me both generally and in the context of the storyline.

Something given for something gotten.

Witchcraft aside, I could see this story playing out in reality. The issues it raises about consent, xenophobia, discrimination and mob mentality could have been pulled from any number of new stories. The exploration of how our past influences our decisions in similar situations interested me and seeing how grief affects different people played out in believable ways. The escalation I saw in this book typifies how the fear of what we don’t understand can explode into witch hunts, literally and figuratively.

Magic is the art of choosing the best path to where you wish to be. And, as with life, where you end up is the result of the choices you’ve made.

I predicted some of the reveals from fairly early on but didn’t mind as they were what I wanted to happen anyway. If you don’t want the answers to be too obvious please try to avoid comparisons between this book and certain others.

Having said that (and this is not spoilery), as I read I kept thinking that this is exactly how I’d imagine a story unfolding for the residents of Wisteria Lane if witchcraft was a part of their world. They both involve a group of female friends and their children whose lives look picture perfect, but beneath the surface there are secrets that have the power to change the dynamics of their friendship if they were to come to light.

Was this a perfect book? No. I had unanswered questions, like if Tad and Mary-Anne truly believed their youngest son was in intensive care, then why weren’t they with him at the hospital?, and I would have liked more information about what happened to some of the characters after I finished the last page. But did I have so much fun reading it that ultimately I didn’t care about any of my quibbles? Absolutely!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Gollancz, an imprint of Orion Publishing Group, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The small Connecticut town of Sanctuary is rocked by the death of its star quarterback. 

Daniel’s death looked like an accident, but everyone knows his ex-girlfriend Harper is the daughter of a witch – and she was there when he died. 

Then the rumours start. When Harper insists Dan was guilty of a terrible act, the town turns on her. So was his death an accident, revenge – or something even darker? 

As accusations fly and secrets are revealed, paranoia grips the town, culminating in a trial that the whole world is watching …

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Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me – Anna Mehler Paperny

This book is part memoir and part journalistic investigation, with a fair amount of acknowledged subjectivity based on the author’s experiences with depression, suicidal ideation and attempts, and various treatments. In trying to explain the contents of this book I couldn’t go past this quote:

It’s an uncomfortably personal exploration of a sickeningly common illness no one likes talking about, one that remains under-treated and poorly treated and grossly inequitably treated in part because of our own squeamishness in confronting it or our own denial of its existence as an illness and the destruction it wreaks when left to its own devices.

I found myself cycling between wondering how wise it was to be describing the methods used in so much detail because it could potentially be read as instructions in the wrong/right hands and admonishing myself for wanting to control the narrative because people who live with suicidal ideation are already silenced in so many ways.

It’s difficult to sit and think about depression and suicide for any extended period of time and I did find my mood changing as I read, especially the early sections where the author recounts her “entry point into a labyrinthine psychiatric care system via the trapdoor of botched self-obliteration”. I think I’d be more concerned if reading a book like this didn’t have any impact on me, though. I was able to binge watch some TV to effectively switch the channels in my brain for a while for some respite. I am keenly aware that this is a luxury someone experiencing chronic depression and/or suicidal ideation do not have.

While some of the information contained in this book is specific to Canada and/or America, overall there’s something for pretty much everyone. Given the prevalence of depression, it’s likely to have touched your life in some way, either personally or through someone you love.

This book:

  • Demystifies suicide – no, asking someone if they are considering suicide does not cause someone who isn’t suicidal to suddenly become so
  • Offers some protective measures – loved ones, curiosity, procrastination
  • Discusses various treatment options – “pharmacological treatment of mental disorders has all the precision of surgery conducted with a chainsaw”
  • Outlines some studies and research
  • Highlights the additional barriers to getting treatment if you’re not white or you’re poor or from a remote community or a child or Indigenous or from a culture that shames seeking mental health treatment or, heaven forbid, any combination of these – “We fail the most marginalized at every level, then wonder why they worsen”; and
  • Provides insights into depression and suicide through stories of people who’ve experienced them up close and personal.

I found some of the language used in this book referencing mental illness iffy at best: “nuts”, “crazy”, “nutbars”. While I’m never going to be okay with those words myself, I don’t have the right to tell someone who’s describing their experience what words they’re allowed to use to do so.

Subsumed by such an agency-stealing disease, we need all the empowering we can get.

While it covered a lot of information I already knew (I’ve read a lot previously in this area), I learned about some studies and potential future treatments I wasn’t aware of and the details of the author’s experiences in hospital opened my eyes.

I appreciated the author’s honesty and her down to earth approach, which made difficult topics more accessible for me. The amount of interviews with various health professionals, researchers and others who are consistently dealing with mental illness provided a well rounded exploration, with a variety of points of view.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone whose work involves interaction with people who experience mental illness as it holds valuable insights into what it’s like to have to live with an illness that people silence, shame and shy away from.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

In her early twenties, while outwardly thriving in her dream job and enjoying warm familial support and a strong social network, award-winning journalist Anna Mehler Paperny found herself trapped by feelings of failure and despair. Her first suicide attempt – ingesting a deadly mix of sleeping pills and antifreeze – landed her in the ICU, followed by weeks of enforced detention that ran the gamut of horrifying, boring, hilarious, and absurd. This was Anna’s entry into the labyrinthine psychiatric care system responsible for providing care to millions of Canadians.

As she struggled to survive the psych ward and as an outpatient- enduring the “survivor’s” shame of facing concerned family, friends, and co-workers; finding (or not) the right therapist, the right meds; staying healthy, insured, and employed – Anna could not help but turn her demanding journalist’s eye on her condition and on the system in which she found herself. She set off on a quest to “know her enemy,” interviewing leading practitioners in the field across Canada and the US – from psychiatrists to neurological experts, brain-mapping pioneers to heroic family practitioners, and others dabbling in novel hypotheses.

She reveals in courageously frank detail her own experiences with the pharmacological pitfalls and side effects of long-term treatment, and offers moving case studies of conversations with others, opening wide a window into how we treat (and fail to treat) the disease that accounts for more years swallowed up by disability than any other in the world. 

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