Tag: Mental Health

The Sisters Grimm – Menna van Praag

Every daughter is born of an element, infused with its own particular powers. Some are born of earth: fertile as soil, strong as stone, steady as the ancient oak. Others of fire: explosive as gunpowder, seductive as light, fierce as an unbound flame. Others of water: calm as a lake, relentless as a wave, unfathomable as an ocean. The Sisters Grimm are daughters of air, born of dreams and prayer, faith and imagination, bright-white wishing and black-edged desire.

Each girl in The Sisters Grimm represents an element and a fairytale character. Goldi (Goldilocks) is earth, Bea (Beauty) is air, Liyana (I read somewhere that she represents Snow White but I cannot confirm this) is water and Scarlet (Red Riding Hood) is fire. Some of the comparisons between the characters and their fairytale equivalent were more obvious than others. While the Grimm connections will likely add to the book’s appeal for a lot of readers I would have been equally invested in the story had this not been included.

Goldie, whose perspective is the only one told in first person, is the sole caregiver for Teddy, her ten year old brother. She cleans rooms at a fancy hotel, liberating items from its rich guests to help support him. Her boss is sleazy and she’s experienced significant trauma in her childhood.

I’ve been a thief for as long as I can remember, a liar too. I might even be a murderer, though you’ll have to make up your own mind about that.

Bea was raised in various foster homes while her mother was being treated at St Dymphna’s Psychiatric Hospital. Bea studies philosophy and feels most alive when she’s soaring through the air in a glider.

For nearly eighteen years her mother has encouraged her to act audaciously and, although Bea relishes nothing more than reckless behaviour, she’s damned if she’ll give her mother the satisfaction of knowing it.

Liyana (Ana) was on track to be an Olympian before an injury derailed her plans but she remains at home in the water. Ana and her mother moved to London from Ghana when she was a child. Ana is an artist. Her girlfriend, Kumiko, hasn’t met her aunt Nyasha yet.

At the sight of a blackbird Liyana feels that, ultimately, all is right with the world, no matter how hopeless it might seem at the time.

Scarlet lives with her grandmother, Esme, whose health is declining. Scarlet now runs the café owned by her family. She lost both her mother, Ruby, and her home a decade ago as a result of fire.

Strangely, Scarlet finds she wants to immerse her hand in the flame, wants to feel the scorch on her skin. She believes, impossibly, that the fire will be kind to her.

I saw myself in all of the girls to a certain extent and, although I’d never heard of this author prior to this book and they certainly couldn’t pick me out of a lineup, I am almost always awake at 3:33am so I’m claiming this part of the dedication as my own. I knew from the blurb that one of the four would not survive but I liked them all and hoped against hope that the blurb was faulty. It was not.

This book reminded me of two important bookish things:

  1. Why I should not pay too much attention to a book’s star ratings and reviews before I finish reading it myself, and
  2. Why I should always give a book a little more time after deciding it’s not for me.

I had really been looking forward to this book so when I saw some unflattering reviews I admit that I allowed them to dampen my enthusiasm and even shuffled my TBR pile, moving a couple up the queue, as the thought of needing to drag myself through so many pages was unappealing. As soon as I began reading I realised the error of my ways – until I began reading from Leo’s perspective. He’s a what? From where? Seriously?

My initial failure to connect with Leo’s character, along with my impatience with the multiple perspectives that changed so frequently I had trouble keeping up for a while, caused me to very nearly write this book off as a DNF. Each sister‘s story is told from two perspectives (now and a decade ago). There are also varying amounts of time dedicated to Leo, Nyasha, Esme and their father. Then there are descriptions of Everwhere.

It’s a nocturnal place, a place crafted from thoughts and dreams, hope and desire.

If you count the descriptions of Everwhere as a perspective, which I did, you wind up with a baker’s dozen.

Thankfully I persevered just a little bit longer than I had planned before abandoning the book altogether and I’m so glad I did because I wound up entirely sucked in to this world and these sisters’ lives. I even got used to the rapid changes in perspective, although I still think I’d benefit from a reread to pick up connections I likely missed the first time through. I think this is the first time a potential DNF has suddenly morphed into an I love this book! for me and I can’t wait to reread it, soaking up the enjoyment I obviously missed early on.

There’s always this childlike delight that wells up inside of me when I discover illustrations in a book I don’t expect to find them in. I absolutely fell in love with Alastair Meikle’s illustrations and had so much trouble choosing a favourite to share with you here. I’ve chosen the first one, mostly because it invokes the same sense of wonder every time I look at it.

Although I’m not usually interested in Tarot, the descriptions of the cards throughout the book made me want to send a wish to the book’s marketing team in the hope that they’ll commission a set of Tarot cards, illustrated by Alastair Meikle, that have a similar feel to the style used in the book.

The descriptions of Everwhere enchanted me so much I wanted to visit. I yearned to learn everything I could about each of the four sisters. I wondered what element and powers I would most want, if I had the ability to choose. I didn’t want this story to end and it wouldn’t surprise me if this book comes to mind when I think about my favourite reads of the year. I need to inhale more of this author’s words.

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of Sisters Grimm on Earth and in Everwhere. You may well be one of them, though you might never know it. You think you’re ordinary. You never suspect that you’re stronger than you seem, braver than you feel or greater than you imagine.

If anyone needs me I’ll be stalking the internet to see if I can buy a signed copy of this book. My bookcase desperately needs one!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Bantam Press, an imprint of Transworld Publishers, Penguin Random House UK, for the opportunity to read this book.

UPDATE: My day just got awesome! I found signed copies of this book at Goldsboro Books. I’ve ordered my copy and can’t wait for it to arrive. Happy book day to me!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of sisters Grimm on Earth.

You may well be one of them, though you might never know it. 

You think you’re ordinary. 

You never suspect that you’re stronger than you seem, braver than you feel or greater than you imagine. 

But I hope that by the time you finish this tale, you’ll start listening to the whispers that speak of unknown things, the signs that point in unseen directions and the nudges that suggest unimagined possibilities. 

I hope too that you’ll discover your own magnificence, your own magic …

This is the story of four sisters Grimm – daughters born to different mothers on the same day, each born out of bright-white wishing and black-edged desire. They found each other at eight years-old, were separated at thirteen and now, at nearly eighteen, it is imperative that they find each other once again.

In thirty-three days they will meet their father in Everwhere. Only then will they discover who they truly are, and what they can truly do. Then they must fight to save their lives and the lives of the ones they love. Three will live, one will die. You’ll have to read on to find out who and why …

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We Are Monsters – Brian Kirk

Spoilers Ahead!

“It’s official. The Apocalypse has come to Sugar Hill.”

Alex, Eli and Angela work together in the forensics ward of Sugar Hill, which houses and treats the criminally insane. Angela is a social worker who is described by a friend as “Dr. Do Good by day and Little Miss Devil by night”. Alex Drexler is a psychiatrist whose views on treatment are diametrically opposed to those of his boss and mentor, Dr Eli Alpert, Sugar Hill’s Chief Medical Director. Eli’s approach is humanistic, with a focus on treating patients with dignity and respect. Meanwhile, Alex is in the process of trialling an experimental drug to cure schizophrenia.

Why did the mind have the capacity to create delusions? To hallucinate? To perceive the unreal? And why, so often, did such altered states appear to the perceiver as the actual reality? A world more real than this one.

When the funding for his trials is withdrawn, Alex winds up continuing his experiment. His latest subject is Sugar Hill’s newest patient, Crosby Nelson, the Apocalypse Killer. Because what could possibly go wrong when you use a mentally ill, traumatised serial killer as your guinea pig?!

More background information is provided about characters than I’m used to seeing in horror books. This took me out of the story initially although I could understand the relevance of this information later on. It’s not only the patients whose pasts haunt them and it’s not always obvious who should be a patient, especially when the workers’ own demons are revealed.

Either she is insane, or I am. Or nobody is. Or we all are. Either way, who am I to say?

The only character I really liked was Eli. I think I would have liked Crosby as well but I didn’t get much of a sense of who he was outside of his mental health and trauma histories. Fortunately it’s not necessary to love horror book characters. I enjoyed hoping Alex would get a taste of his own medicine and I couldn’t wait for a couple of other nasties to get their comeuppance.

At times it felt like a hallucinogen was wafting off the pages. I wasn’t always especially clear about what was really going on during the more trippy parts.

He was now unsure which reality had been a dream and which one was real.

If I’d encountered this sense of unease, not being able to easily discern reality, in another book I’d probably tell you it was a reason I didn’t like it. This book, though? It was like I was being given a glimpse into what life must be like all the time for some of the residents of Sugar Hill and it was scary to even contemplate living in their worlds.

While I’ve known a lot of people with various mental illnesses, my knowledge of schizophrenia and psychosis are limited to the DSM-5 and random articles and books I’ve read. Because of this I cannot comment on the accuracy of their depictions in this book but I didn’t come across anything that stood out to me as ‘there’s something wrong with this picture’ symptom wise.

Between the graphic violence (I almost DNF’ed this book when the dog died) and derogatory terms used for pretty much anyone you can think of, sometimes challenged but oftentimes not, this book isn’t going to be for everyone. If having anything uncomfortably close to your eyes makes you squeamish you may have trouble with some scenes.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Flame Tree Press for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Some doctors are sicker than their patients. When a troubled psychiatrist loses funding to perform clinical trials on an experimental cure for schizophrenia, he begins testing it on his asylum’s criminally insane, triggering a series of side effects that opens the mind of his hospital’s most dangerous patient, setting his inner demons free.

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Reasons to Stay Alive – Matt Haig

Books like this are so important. Let me tell you why.

Depression is isolating, so very isolating. When you’re in the middle of it it can feel like you’re the only person in the entire history of the world who has ever felt that way. You tend to isolate yourself from the rest of the world when you feel that bad, because who would want to be around such a worthless, pathetic, [insert put down of your choice here] waste of space, right? So you’re not exactly in much of a position to find data that doesn’t support your position.

Enter: books.

There is this idea that you either read to escape or you read to find yourself. I don’t really see the difference. We find ourselves through the process of escaping.

Books have the power to provide insight, reassurance and the sometimes lifesaving knowledge that not only are you are not alone but there is hope; things can get better. A lot better. And depressed person bonus points: you don’t actually have to interact with another human to find that hope. Yes, I am aware that contact with other humans is helpful but sometimes you just don’t wanna.

In the meantime, books. Now if you’re depressed you may not be able to concentrate all that well, which is one of the reasons I love the short chapters in this book. It’s bite sized portions of hope and ‘I’ve been there too and I can guarantee that you will not always feel exactly the way you feel right this second’. It’s easy to brush off the well intentioned words of people who don’t get it but when the person who’s doing the talking has walked the walk, well that’s someone you might want to pay close attention to.

THEN ME: Why would I stay alive? Wouldn’t it be better to feel nothing than to feel such pain? Isn’t zero worth more than minus one thousand?

NOW ME: Listen, just listen, just get this through your head, okay – you make it, and on the other side of this there is life. L-I-F-E. You understand? And there will be stuff you enjoy.

Did I learn a whole bunch of things about depression and anxiety that I didn’t already know from countless other books? Not really. Did it matter? Not really. Why not? Well, there’s a few reasons.

It doesn’t matter how many facts your brain has accumulated about a topic. There’s something cathartic about hearing someone else express thoughts that you assumed were unique to you when you first encountered them.

I wanted to be dead. No. That’s not quite right. I didn’t want to be dead, I just didn’t want to be alive.

Someone who’s not you may come up with a visual that describes an experience in a way that makes you stop and go, ‘huh, why didn’t I come up with that?!’, one that you want to memorise so you can use it to explain the experience to someone who is fortunate enough to not understand.

If you have depression on its own your mind sinks into a swamp and loses momentum, but with anxiety in the cocktail, the swamp is still a swamp but the swamp now has whirlpools in it.

Or

anxiety is an illness that wraps us up in our own nightmares.

I loved the concept of the “bank of bad days”. I’ve done this myself, gotten through a bad day by reminding myself I’ve already survived worse, but I didn’t have a cool name for it before now.

Once upon a niggle: I probably sound like a broken record at this point but in the past couple of years I’ve come to the realisation that the language we use to describe suicide is important. This book, like so many others, uses the term “committed suicide”. I much prefer the term “died by suicide”. People can and do die as a result of mental illness, just as they can as a result of physical illness, but I associate the word “committed” with criminal acts and don’t want to contribute to the stigma that already surrounds it. Having said that, this book was published several years before I personally began to seriously think about how we use language when we talk about mental health.

On the flip side, I absolutely adored the author’s discussion of “despite” versus “because”.

People often use the word ‘despite’ in the context of mental illness. So-and-so did such-and-such despite having depression/anxiety/OCD/agoraphobia/whatever. But sometimes that ‘despite’ should be a ‘because’. For instance, I write because of depression. I was not a writer before. The intensity needed – to explore things with relentless curiosity and energy – simply wasn’t there. Fear makes us curious. Sadness makes us philosophise.

While I can understand the wish for someone else to tell you (in detail, with step by step instructions) what your specific reasons for living should be I’ve been assured by mental health professionals that this is something you need to figure out for yourself. Someone else’s reasons may not resonate with you and vice versa. However I do believe that everyone has value and something unique to them that they bring to the world. Cliché or not, you are the only you that will ever exist in the entirety of humanity, past, present and future. You are important and we need you.

I think life always provides reasons to not die, if we listen hard enough. Those reasons can stem from the past – the people who raised us, maybe, or friends or lovers – or from the future – the possibilities we would be switching off.

I found a new (to me) word in this book – chiaroscuro – and I plan to now find ways to include it in everyday conversation until someone threatens to buy me a dictionary so I can come up with a new favourite word. Once I learn its correct pronunciation, that is.

P.S. If you’ve ever experienced depression, here’s something vitally important that you need to know.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

I want life. I want to read it and write it and feel it and live it. I want, for as much of the time as possible in this blink-of-an-eye existence we have, to feel all that can be felt. I hate depression. I am scared of it. Terrified, in fact. But at the same time, it has made me who I am. And if – for me – it is the price of feeling life, it’s a price always worth paying.

Reasons to Stay Alive is about making the most of your time on earth. In the western world the suicide rate is highest amongst men under the age of 35. Matt Haig could have added to that statistic when, aged 24, he found himself staring at a cliff-edge about to jump off. This is the story of why he didn’t, how he recovered and learned to live with anxiety and depression. It’s also an upbeat, joyous and very funny exploration of how live better, love better, read better and feel more.

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Changing Ways – Julia Tannenbaum

Grace is 16 and a junior at Chuck L. Everett High School (“Chuckles”) in western Connecticut. She lives with her mother and younger brother, Jamie, and misses her father. She’s trying out for Varsity soccer this year.

I’ve never been satisfied with how I look – even when I was younger, I was self-conscious of my appearance. Now that I’m older, those insecurities are more profound than ever.

Recently Grace has secretly been self harming and restricting her food intake. When another student catches her self harming at school Grace winds up hospitalised.

“I don’t know what’s making me do it. That’s the problem.”

Grace is fortunate that her treatment begins a lot sooner than it does for most people but this doesn’t mean recovery will be easy. I appreciated that recovery from eating disorders and self harm were portrayed realistically. Grace’s isn’t a success only journey. Recovery isn’t linear and there are setbacks along the way.

Grace’s best friend, Lou, is “bold and strong-willed and brutally honest”. Lou’s mother is undergoing treatment for stage 4 breast cancer, although the gravity of this didn’t hit the mark for me.

The way Grace’s mother’s boyfriend was introduced made it seem like he was going to be detrimental to their family dynamic but this didn’t really go anywhere.

While the conversations between Grace, her family and Lou flowed well, those that took place in a treatment setting tended to feel more like therapy speak than what you’d expect between a group of teenagers dealing with such difficult issues. I found most of the other patients interchangeable, not really getting a sense of who they were outside of their diagnoses.

I think I would have gotten into this book more if I’d read it as a teenager. It may also have helped if I hadn’t already read other books that have addressed eating disorders and self harm in a way that grabbed me more on an emotional level.

Unfortunately, while I applaud the author for tackling such difficult and personal subject matter, I never forgot that I was reading a book written by a teenager. If I’d written a book while I was a teenager I expect it would have much the same feel to it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but I am interested to see how the author’s writing develops over time.

Thank you to NetGalley and Wicked Whale Publishing for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Growing up sucks. Struggling to cope with the constant stress of school, her mother, and her confusing social life, sixteen-year-old Grace Edwards finds sanity in the most destructive of ways: dieting and self-harming. But just when Grace thinks she has everything under control, a classmate catches her cutting in the girls’ locker room, and Grace’s entire life is flipped upside down.

Now she’s faced with the unthinkable – a stint in a psych ward with kids who seem so much worse than she is. After all, she’s not sick. She’s totally okay. She’ll never do it again. But the longer Grace stays, the more she realises that the kids in the ward aren’t that different from her.

Slowly Grace comes to terms with her mental illness, but as her discharge date crawls closer, she knows that the outside world is an unpredictable place … and one which whispers temptations about hidden food, dangerous objects, and failure to stay in recovery.

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Shame: A Brief History – Peter N. Stearns

I’d never given much thought to the history of emotions so when I came across this “work of emotions history” I was intrigued.

This study seeks to sum up most of the existing historical findings, with related insights from other disciplines, while also extending historical analysis particularly around developments in the United States over the past two centuries.

In exploring the history of shame, the author touches on its psychology and includes references to sociology, anthropology and philosophy. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Confucianism, Christianity, Islam and Hinduism are all mentioned.

In China, it has been estimated that up to 10 percent of Confucius’s writings center around the importance of shame.

This book differentiates between guilt and shame throughout history, contrasting guilt-based and shame-based societies. It focuses on shame and shaming in a number of contexts, both public (from stocks to Jerry Springer) and private. Anticipatory, reintegrative and punitive shame are addressed, with examples given from around the world. The focus, however, is on Western society.

Precisely because shame takes root in a fear that others will turn away from us and find us wanting, we keep our shame to ourselves – we fear that revelation will actualize the very rejection we worry about.

I found the information connecting shame and the criminal justice system particularly interesting. The role that parents, schools, religion, sports, politics and the media have played over time in redefining shame were also addressed. The disparity that has existed as a result of gender, race, culture, sexuality, disability, poverty and social status were discussed. The anonymity of the internet along with the history and current prevalence of slut shaming and fat shaming were also mentioned.

One of my pet peeves, that I mostly come across in textbooks, is when the author spends a significant amount of time outlining what will be explored later in the chapter or subsequent chapters, or recapping what’s already been explained. When I first picked up this book I gave up before I reached 10% because I was so frustrated by constantly reading passages that included:

The third major section of this chapter explores

The overall goal of the chapter

As Chapter 3 and 4 explore

It got to a point where it felt like their main purpose was to add to the word count and I came close to discarding the book a second time because of it. When the actual information was provided I found it quite interesting, despite some sections that were very dry. It definitely had that textbooky feel throughout the book (it’s published by a university, after all) but when I came across passages that weren’t telling me what I was going to read about later I enjoyed them.

I disagree with the author when they claim that shame is only a human emotion, that animals “lack appropriate awareness of hierarchy”. If you’ve ever caught a dog doing something they know they shouldn’t have been, then I think you’d also beg to differ.

The footnotes, which include references, are quite extensive, making up over 10% of the book.

Thank you to NetGalley and University of Illinois Press for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Shame varies as an individual experience and its manifestations across time and cultures. Groups establish identity and enforce social behaviours through shame and shaming, while attempts at shaming often provoke a social or political backlash. Yet historians often neglect shame’s power to complicate individual, international, cultural, and political relationships.

Peter N. Stearns draws on his long career as a historian of emotions to provide the foundational text on shame’s history and how this history contributes to contemporary issues around the emotion. Summarising current research, Stearns unpacks the major debates that surround this complex emotion. He also surveys the changing role of shame in the United States from the nineteenth century to today, including shame’s revival as a force in the 1960’s and its place in today’s social media.

Looking ahead, Stearns maps the abundant opportunities for future historical research and historically informed interdisciplinary scholarship. Written for interested readers and scholars alike, Shame combines significant new research with a wider synthesis. 

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Crossroads Chronicles #1: Demon Bound – Chris Cannon

Spoilers Ahead!

As a long term romantiphobe it makes zero sense that I eagerly await the next book by an author who writes romance novels, but that’s the voodoo Chris Cannon has somehow managed to place upon me. After laughing at myself because of my accidental enjoyment of my first few Chris Cannon reads, I now get smiley when I realise there’s a new book on the horizon. See? Voodoo!

I don’t have to work to get into Chris’ books. I’m sucked in right about the time the main character is described as a bookworm. So, about page 1.

Meena lives in Crossroads, a small town in Southern Illinois with farmhouses and cornfields, a place she describes as “boring with a huge helping of judgmental”. Entertainment in Crossroads consists of the diner, library, pageants and bonfires. Meena isn’t a pageant kind of girl, unlike her older sister, so she spends a good portion of her time hiding out in the library. She lives in books and can’t wait to go away to college.

All of the trouble that follows Meena applying for a summer cleaning job with Wacky Winslow Old Lady Winslow Carol can be traced back to her need to feed her addiction to books, but as a fellow hopeless book addict I understand the pain of the money to book ratio only too well.

One of the reasons I liked to live in books is that real life mostly let me down.

Meena’s new job also requires she collects Carol’s orders from Madame Zelda, a fortune teller, whose nephew (sort of) is staying with her for the summer. I say ‘sort of’ because Zelda is actually Jake’s mother’s second husband’s aunt. Naturally Meena and Jake cross paths and then they’re practically insta-kissing, followed soon after by some insecurity and jealousy, then more kissing.

I was kind of afraid he’d forget about me as soon as another girl came along.

Previous Chris Cannon books I’ve read have been fun, bantery smooch-fests. This book also features some lip locking but a tad less banter than I’ve come to expect from Chris’ books. However, this one also includes some entertaining supernatural elements.

Witches, demons, spirits and vampires also make Crossroads their home, which makes for some interesting dynamics. Along with the good ol’ faithfuls like spells, wards and salt lines,

there are also imaginative additions like Super Soakers fuelled with holy water! I chuckled whenever a vampire said something “sucked”.

“Is it just me, or do you have a sense of impending doom?”

My favourite characters were Sybil, the vampire, and the familiars, Goblin and Sage. Bane, the crossroads demon, was an early contender but he creeped me out with his desire to keep touching Meena’s hair. He’s not the only supernatural being who seems fuzzy on the whole consent thing.

“You’re reading about demons? I’m flattered.”

Carol and Zelda, who seemed quite powerful in the lead up to the events in this book, disappointed me by seeming to accept the hands they were dealt without the fight that I expected from them. If there’s a sequel I’d love to see what they’re truly capable of.

It’s not a Chris Cannon book if I don’t get to drool over the food. I craved apple pie, pizza, hamburgers, chocolate shakes, cake, donuts,

cinnamon rolls, bacon, and ice cream during this book.

“Remember our family motto,” my dad said. “With ice cream, everything is possible.”

A few niggles and question marks (spoilers are included here!!):

I personally found some of the terms used, including “batshit crazy” and “nuts”, cringey. I also feel the language used when discussing suicide is important, so much prefer seeing ‘died by’ rather than ‘committed’ suicide.

When Meena says early on, “No, but it might explain the drinking”, she’s talking about Jake’s father. I’ve checked a few times and definitely acknowledge I could have missed something but as far as I can tell the only parent whose drinking had been mentioned up to that point was Meena’s father.

There’s a door that’s too small for Meena and Jake to use but when it’s opened from the other side they have no problem entering the room. I didn’t see any indication that the door changed size in the meantime.

Sage, Meena’s familiar, uses a credit card when he’s in human form. I wondered where he stores this when he transforms into a cat again. Also, what happens to the human clothing of familiars when they transform?

I may have misread this but there was a section which seemed to imply that dementia is a mental illness. My understanding is that dementia is a condition of the brain and sure, comorbidities with mental illnesses can and do exist, but isn’t one itself.

If Meena leaves her body for a week while she’s astral projecting, how did she not die of dehydration? Did the people around her physical body somehow get her to drink during that time? (Not to mention her bodily functions.)

When Jake says, “Did you call me to start a fight?”, it was he who called Meena, not the other way around.

I wanted to know more about the physical, emotional and behavioural impacts of being on a demon’s payment plan. One character mentions being more quick to anger since they’ve lost part of their soul but I’m greedy; if a concept like having your soul gradually removed is introduced, I want to know exactly how it works.

While this story is self contained there’s definitely room for a sequel. I’ll be hitching a ride to Crossroads if the story continues. I need to see a pageant in this town!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Entangled Teen, an imprint of Entangled Publishing, LLC, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

When a summoning goes awry, suddenly booknerd Meena’s summer job becomes something drastically different. Instead of cleaning eccentric Carol’s house, she’s bound to a demon as his soul-collector. Soon Meena discovers that the boring, pageant-obsessed, bonfire-loving town that she’s never fit in to is a hotbed for soul-sucking demons, demon-hunting witches, and vampires who just wanna have fun … And then she comes into her own powers. 

Could things get any stranger? Good thing she meets new guy Jake – who gets her and still hangs around.

When Jake’s mum sends him off to his Aunt Zelda’s for the summer, he thought he’d be bored. But nothing is what it seems in this town. His aunt isn’t just odd, she’s a witch who fights demons and tries to maintain the magical balance of the town. Jake should get the hell out of there and, he would leave, except for bad-ass newbie witch Meena, who looks at him like he matters. 

He never counted on sticking around, but Meena’s bound to a demon who wants to destroy her soul – and Jake’s finally found someone worth fighting for.

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Rowan Slone #1: A Life, Redefined – Tracy Hewitt Meyer

Spoilers Ahead!

I’m hesitant to say too much about this book. I was looking forward to reading it but I had some significant problems with its content. I don’t want to come across as mean because that’s not my intent, but I also don’t want to ignore the issues I found.

There are multiple 4 and 5 star reviews so I would encourage you to read those as well before deciding if this is the book for you or not. I know you have your own mind and I don’t expect what I have to say will influence you either way but just in case: I would hate for you to miss out on a book you may love simply because I didn’t.

Rowan has been living with the knowledge that she was responsible for her baby brother’s death for seven years now. She’s not alone in blaming herself; her entire family blames her too. Her father is controlling and abusive. Her mother is emotionally unavailable, spending the majority of her time locked in her bedroom.

Being in this house, surrounded by memories, guilt, and resentment – all those devastating things made it impossible to see the bright side of anything.

Rowan’s younger sister, Trina, has a reputation, her best friend, Jess, is dating a 25 year old, and her boss, Dan, is a creep. She has a crush on Mike but doesn’t think she’s good enough for him.

I requested this book because I saw that self harm was going to be addressed. This topic is one that a lot of people are ashamed to admit they struggle with. Reactions from people who learn someone self harms can range from disbelief to outright shaming, so I applaud anyone willing to tackle it. There are several instances of a character self harming in this book so if this is a potential trigger for you, please take care of yourself while reading.

The majority of the women in this book were either fat shamed, slut shamed or portrayed as victims. The men seemed to either be saviours or perpetrators. Most of the characters felt two dimensional and the descriptions were quite repetitive.

The first time I found out Jess’ hair colour was cherry red I pictured it in my mind; after the fourth time I was keen to learn something new about her. Similarly repetitive but more offensive descriptions followed Rowan’s mother and sister. If Rowan’s mother was ever mentioned without a fat shaming comment attached it didn’t stand out enough for me to remember. Rowan’s sister was slut shamed throughout the book and her redeeming qualities, which I’m certain she had because we all have at least one, are a mystery to me.

Rowan’s traumatic experiences may account for some of this but it felt like I was reading about a main character who was 13 or 14, not a few weeks away from 18.

I tend to gravitate to YA books that include social issues but sometimes so many are mentioned that it can feel like social issue soup. A lot of really important themes were mentioned but I don’t think it’s possible to do all of them justice in such a short book. The sensitivity I expected to accompany such issues wasn’t always apparent.

I don’t understand why Aidan’s true cause of death wouldn’t have been obvious during his autopsy. I also had trouble believing that Rowan would forget the anniversary of her brother’s death. I would like some resolution about Trina’s story – did anyone ever offer her any help or compassion? I don’t care what’s she’s done – the response to her attempting suicide should never have been “Did it matter at all if my sister didn’t make it?”. I expect some of my unanswered questions will be addressed in the sequel but I don’t think I will be continuing this series.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and BHC Press for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

When the darkness is too great,
When the pain is too real,
There is nothing but sharp edges,
Razor slices,
To remind me that I am alive. 

Seven years ago, an innocent act by Rowan Slone turned her life into a nightmare. Since the age of ten she’s lived with the burden of her baby brother’s death. Now she is seventeen and all she wants to do is graduate high school, go to college, and escape the loveless family she has endured all these years – the same family that holds her responsible for his death. But no one holds her responsible more than herself. 

When long-time crush Mike Anderson invites her to the Prom, suddenly her future looks brighter. Rowan’s younger sister, Trina, however, is determined to ruin her new-found happiness, no matter the cost. And when Rowan discovers her mother’s long-held secret, she finds herself teetering on the edge of an abyss. 

Can Rowan find the strength to move toward the future or is she doomed to dwell in the past?

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Malus Domestica #1: Burn the Dark – S.A. Hunt

Spoilers Ahead!

“The Red Lord will find you.”

Robin has a mohawk, a cherished fifteen year old stuffed mosquito called Mr. Nosy and a popular YouTube channel called ‘MalusDomestica’. Her subscribers think what they’re watching is fake, but it’s anything but. [If you’re wondering, ‘malus domestica’ is Latin for “the common apple tree”. You’ll learn the significance of this name during the book.]

Robin travels around the country in her van hunting witches. Robin’s father was convicted of killing her mother but Robin knows the witches were responsible. Now, after spending time in a psychiatric facility and subsequently honing her witch slaying skills, she’s returned home to Blackfield to face off with the local coven.

“You witches killed my mama!”

Witches. Demons. Ancient sigils. The quest for immortality. Cats that aren’t just cats. Murder. A pizza guy. A “big blond Viking dude”. Sound effects – “grum-grum-grum-grum”.

Before I began reading I saw several comparisons made between this book and Buffy, so I expected to witness a lot more slaying. Witches are dispatched of in flashbacks but I don’t recall any scenes where a witch meets their maker taking place in the present. I expect the sequel to well and truly make up for this.

A fair amount of time is spent on characters’ backstories and explanations of the supernatural aspects of the story. While it is well written I did spend a lot of the first half of the book anxious for some present day action scenes.

There were plenty of pop culture references in this book, from Batman to Indiana Jones and The Simpsons. Had I realised there would be so many of these references I would have made a list and asked other readers to let me know which ones I’d missed.

I liked most of the characters but the one that I was most interested in, Heinrich Hammer, Robin’s mentor, didn’t appear in person until the very end of the book. I’m looking forward to seeing them in action in the sequel.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Tor Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Robin is a YouTube celebrity gone-viral with her intensely-realistic witch hunter series. But even her millions of followers don’t know the truth: her series isn’t fiction.

Her ultimate goal is to seek revenge against the coven of witches who wronged her mother long ago. Returning home to the rural town of Blackfield, Robin meets friends new and old on her quest for justice. But then, a mysterious threat known as the Red Lord interferes with her plans …

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Reverie – Ryan La Sala

The act of crushing a dream can’t be minimised. At best, it’s mean. At worst, it’s murder.

I need to stop getting sucked into book hype vortexes. I keep expecting too much and winding up disappointed, unsure if the let down is real or a result of the height of the pedestal I placed the book upon before I read the first sentence.

“Reveries are what happens when a person’s imagined world becomes real. They’re like miniature realities, with their own plots and rules and perils.”

I absolutely adored the concept of Reverie and I love the design of the cover. I liked a lot of the sequences in the book, even though they felt disjointed at times, and thought the individual reveries I visited were very imaginative. So, what went wrong?

My main problem with this book was its characters. I never connected with any of them and, because of that, I wasn’t emotionally invested in what happened to them. I wanted to laugh with them, cry with them and be concerned for them, but I walked alongside them numb.

“You’re more powerful than you know.”

I would have loved to have loved or hated various characters but in all honesty there are still two characters that remain interchangeable to me. I know both of their names but throughout the book, unless I was reading a description of one of them, I couldn’t remember which one they were.

“Every reverie has a plot. If you don’t follow the rules of the reverie, you risk triggering a plot twist, and plot twists can be pretty deadly for people trapped inside reveries.”

There were so many elements I loved: a drag queen sorceress with her teacup, a character that has a much loved copy of Roald Dahl’s The Witches, pain transformed into power, subtitles appearing in a reverie whenever another language is spoken, and creations like a “gigantic nightmare horse-spider”. It should have all come together for me but it didn’t, and I’m gutted.

I’ve seen some glowing reviews of this book and I’m having major book envy; I wish I’d experienced the book the way they did. I’d encourage you to read some 5 star reviews. I hope you love it as much as they did.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Fire for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

All Kane Montgomery knows for certain is that the police found him half-dead in the river. He can’t remember how he got there, what happened after, and why his life seems so different now. And it’s not just Kane who’s different, the world feels off, reality itself seems different. 

As Kane pieces together clues, three almost-strangers claim to be his friends and the only people who can truly tell him what’s going on. But as he and the others are dragged into unimaginable worlds that materialize out of nowhere – the gym warps into a subterranean temple, a historical home nearby blooms into a Victorian romance rife with scandal and sorcery – Kane realizes that nothing in his life is an accident. And when a sinister force threatens to alter reality for good, they will have to do everything they can to stop it before it unravels everything they know. 

This wildly imaginative debut explores what happens when the secret worlds that people hide within themselves come to light.

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Know My Name – Chanel Miller

You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice, until today.

Chanel Miller was raped on Sunday, 18 January 2015.

I was raped three days earlier (80 hours before Chanel was, if you take time zones into account). Once I saw that date in print and realised how little time separated our experiences, I couldn’t help but see her story personally. So this is going to be a different review than I would usually write. Feel free to skip the bits where I talk about me.

Chanel learned what happened to her at the same time as the rest of the world. She was treated in a hospital, endured the indignity of a rape kit and spoke to a detective who believed and didn’t judge her. This sexual assault gained worldwide attention but it was Brock Turner’s name we knew; Chanel’s identity was erased. The trial resulted in guilty verdicts on three counts but, in my view, the punishment did not fit the crime; it may as well have been a slap on the wrist.

The detective who ultimately decided I would not step foot in a court room reviewed my statement and asked me, “How is that even possible?!” They didn’t make contact with the man who raped me but did phone my psychologist to ask if I have a mental illness that would cause me to make up something like this and oh, by the way, the description I told the police matched the description I told my psychologist. I also privately reported the rape to two other relevant institutions in the hope that speaking up would prevent this from happening again. Those two institutions told the man who raped me what I had said; this resulted in two threats from him to take legal action against me. For telling the truth. In Australia, where defamation laws are beyond insane.

I didn’t follow the story of Chanel’s sexual assault in the media. Even still, I knew the words Standford, rape, swimmer. My introduction to this book was via a publisher’s emailed newsletter, which is how I learn about so many of the books I need to read. I wasn’t sure it was for me though, until I ugly cried my way through I Am With You. I needed to know more about this intelligent, creative woman.

Still, I waited patiently for my library to purchase a copy. I made it all the way to page 23 before I finally figured out I needed my own copy, one I could highlight to my heart’s content and return to as often as I needed. I don’t know if I’m more grateful or sad that I found this book so relatable.

This is Chanel Miller’s story.
Author.
Artist.
Daughter.
Sister.
Friend.
Girlfriend.
Survivor.
A woman who has experienced raped, but who is so much more.

This is an attempt to transform the hurt inside myself, to confront a past, and find a way to live with and incorporate these memories. I want to leave them behind so I can move forward. In not naming them, I finally name myself. My name is Chanel. I am a victim, I have no qualms with this word, only with the idea that it is all that I am.

Although our stories are vastly different, so much of Chanel’s story resonated with me. While I hurt for her and was furious on her behalf as I read about her experiences, I was also lifted by her strength, determination and resilience. I had trouble reading some parts, either because they reminded me too much of my own story or, oddly enough, because they didn’t. I needed to step away and distract myself with a children’s book or play with Lego at times, but my overall takeaway from this book is hope.

The hope of words reaching out to me and encouraging me to hold on when difficult times find me:

You have to hold out to see how your life unfolds, because it is most likely beyond what you can imagine. It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do.

The hope that comes in the form of a narrative that doesn’t sugar coat what recovery from trauma looks and feels like:

As a survivor, I feel a duty to provide a realistic view of the complexity of recovery.

The hope that therapy can offer:

It feels better when the story is outside myself.

Although I don’t know Chanel I feel like I got to know her as I read her story; this is a woman I would want to be friends with. I loved being introduced to Chanel’s family and friends, and want to personally thank every single person who has supported, encouraged and validated her. My heart grew several sizes as I read about professionals who exuded empathy and compassion. Sure, there were others I wanted to slap, but the ones who went above and beyond reminded me that there are people out there who can soften the blow when trauma finds you.

Chanel truly is a writer. She can paint a scene so vivid that I felt I was inside it. She took me on an emotional journey with her; I may have felt it more because I was revisiting my own at the same time but I think I would have felt the highs and lows regardless.

I want to recommend this book to everyone, but especially to those whose professions bring them into contact with victims of sexual assault, whose responses can either provide validation or add to the trauma.

This book does not have a happy ending. The happy part is there is no ending, because I’ll always find a way to keep going.

If I were Chanel I don’t think I would ever want to read another word written about me. I’m just so proud of her though. Chanel, if you ever read this, please know that I believe you and I am with you.

Although I’ve never attempted anything like what Chanel has accomplished here I have needed to write statements that include the details of sexual assault and know how impossible it can feel both to find the right words and to revisit memories with sharp edges. Chanel has done an incredible job and I’m really look forward to reading whatever she writes in the future.

You can search for resources in over a hundred countries at:

Please know that it was not your fault, you are not alone and I believe you. 💜

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The riveting, powerful memoir of the woman whose statement to Brock Turner gave voice to millions of survivors. 

She was known to the world as Emily Doe when she stunned millions with a letter. Brock Turner had been sentenced to just six months in county jail after he was found sexually assaulting her on Stanford’s campus. Her victim impact statement was posted on BuzzFeed, where it instantly went viral – viewed by eleven million people within four days, it was translated globally and read on the floor of Congress; it inspired changes in California law and the recall of the judge in the case. Thousands wrote to say that she had given them the courage to share their own experiences of assault for the first time.

Now she reclaims her identity to tell her story of trauma, transcendence, and the power of words. It was the perfect case, in many ways – there were eyewitnesses, Turner ran away, physical evidence was immediately secured. But her struggles with isolation and shame during the aftermath and the trial reveal the oppression victims face in even the best-case scenarios. Her story illuminates a culture biased to protect perpetrators, indicts a criminal justice system designed to fail the most vulnerable, and, ultimately, shines with the courage required to move through suffering and live a full and beautiful life.

Know My Name will forever transform the way we think about sexual assault, challenging our beliefs about what is acceptable and speaking truth to the tumultuous reality of healing. It also introduces readers to an extraordinary writer, one whose words have already changed our world. Entwining pain, resilience, and humour, this memoir will stand as a modern classic.

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