Category: Review

Girl, Serpent, Thorn – Melissa Bashardoust

There was and there was not

… a girl who was cursed. Soraya lives her life in the shadows, knowing she is poison to everyone around her, including her mother, Tahmineh, and her twin brother, Sorush, the shah of Atashar.

She had read enough stories to know that the princess and the monster were never the same. She had been alone long enough to know which one she was.

Hidden from the world, Soraya spends most of her time in her golestan (a walled rose garden) or navigating the passages hidden within the palace walls. She longs to belong but can only catch distant glimpses of the life that could have been hers. She would do anything to break her curse.

Soraya wasn’t as easy for me to love as Mina and Lynet from Girls Made of Snow and Glass. This seemed fitting to me as it can sometimes feel like we’re approaching a caged animal when someone is hurting like Soraya is. We tend to push people away when we see ourselves as unloveable, making it difficult to accept (or even recognise) when someone is trying to reach out to us.

When we feel like we exude poison into the world we either burrow deep inside of ourselves or lash out at others, opposites with the same intent. Hurt them before they hurt you. Don’t allow yourself to get too close to them because they’ll leave you in the end anyway. Don’t get your hopes up for someone to love you for who you truly are because, frankly, who in their right mind would?!

Anger and shame fought for control within her, and so she forced her body into the position of shame, because it was safer.

As I spent more time with Soraya I began to love her because of, not despite, her pain. The pain of not belonging is amplified when it’s your own family that declares you an outcast, through their actions if not their words. I yearned for Soraya to find acceptance.

I grew to love Parvaneh, a parik, almost as much as I adore her name, which is Persian for “moth or butterfly”. I wish I could have gotten to know the other pariks better and wanted the opportunity to learn more about their history and culture. I also wanted to find out more about the other divs, the drujes and the kastars; I don’t know nearly enough about them.

I loved the way Persian mythology was woven into the story, and I particularly appreciated the Author’s Note at the end of the book where the ways various elements in this story line up with and also diverge from their origins were explained.

I’ve seen parts of myself in all of Melissa’s girls so far and I quickly become immersed in the worlds she creates. I can’t wait to see what world she’ll invite me to explore next.

“It’s time for you to become who you were meant to be.”

Thank you so much to NetGalley, Flatiron Books and Hodder & Stoughton for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

A captivating and original fairy tale about a girl cursed to be poisonous to the touch, and who discovers what power might lie in such a curse.

There was and there was not, as all stories begin, a princess cursed to be poisonous to the touch. But for Soraya, who has lived her life hidden away, apart from her family, safe only in her gardens, it’s not just a story. 

As the day of her twin brother’s wedding approaches, Soraya must decide if she’s willing to step outside of the shadows for the first time. Below in the dungeon is a demon who holds knowledge that she craves, the answer to her freedom. And above is a young man who isn’t afraid of her, whose eyes linger not with fear, but with an understanding of who she is beneath the poison. 

Soraya thought she knew her place in the world, but when her choices lead to consequences she never imagined, she begins to question who she is and who she is becoming … human or demon. Princess or monster.

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Armageddon House – Michael Griffin

Welcome to a day in the life of Mark, Jenna, Greyson and Polly. Although, perhaps it’s night. It’s kind of hard to tell when you’re entirely cut off from the outside world.

Everything they could possibly need is provided for them. There’s more than enough food to last a lifetime and alcohol is plentiful. They can laze around the pool, exercise in the gym or explore countless rooms. It sounds like paradise but is it really a prison?

“We all forget things, more and more every day.”

Their memories of before are hazy (there was a before, wasn’t there?) and there’s no one to answer any of their questions about why they’re … wherever they are. They don’t know how long they’ve been [insert your best guess here] or how long this experiment test captivity refuge whatever it is will last.

With only a daily routine standing between them and their paranoia-fuelled tension, this utopia (if that indeed is what this is) could be coming to an end.

It wasn’t long before the cogs in my head began to whir. I was intrigued by this world that was appearing in my imagination and looked closely for new clues that could help me solve the puzzle.

“We should’ve been told.”

I have this (probably not normal) fascination with stories that drop characters into strange scenarios that they don’t understand – yet. Cube is one of my all time favourite movies, even though I am convinced I would have died there, as well as in the first room of Escape Room.

While I love watching characters piecing together the clues that will increase their probability of survival, I’m even more interested in the psychological fallout. Seeing how different people respond when they’re plonked in the same fishbowl, and wondering how I would react in similar circumstances, is something I can’t get enough of. The characters’ various coping mechanisms and the group dynamics sucked me into this story almost as much as the mystery of What The Hell?!

Fear is corrosive.

If you’re looking for a nice, neat story, with all of the answers waiting for you on the final page, wrapped up in a pretty bow, this is not the story for you. I suspected going into the bunker (if that’s what it is) that I was unlikely to have all of my questions answered and I was semi prepared for the frustration that comes with the unknown.

While my frustration level is higher than I expected, my need to know for sure has diminished greatly. If the author ever provides all of the answers to every question ever, do I want to know? Hell, yes! Did I have fun coming up with my own increasingly outlandish explanations, some of which I’m still pondering? Absolutely!

Mostly for my entertainment, but also for yours if you’re interested, I present to you just some of the many question marks that hovered over my head as I read …

Is there actually an outside world? Are there other people either inside or outside?

Are they underground at all? Are they even on Earth?

Are they billionaire preppers who purchased their survival in an apocalypse? Was there an apocalypse? Was it aliens?

Are they unknowingly participating in a social experiment that’s being broadcast across the world? Is one of the characters a mole?

Do the other three people exist or are they the hallucinations of one person who’s been isolated for too long?

Is this AI or virtual reality?

If any of them do find a way out, what kind of world will they be walking into?

I absolutely love Vince Haig’s cover design. Is that a face I see?

Two final thoughts:

  1. I doubt I’d ever get the TV to work in this place.
  2. The cleaning scene is still messing with my mind.

Thank you so much to Undertow Publications for the opportunity to read this novella.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Utopia. Four people living together deep underground in a subterranean facility. All their needs provided for. Food, water, medicine. A swimming pool; a gym; a bar. Except none of them can recall exactly how they came to be there, or what they are supposed to do. Dystopia. Where are the others? There must have been others. It’s a huge facility, after all. It must be some sort of experiment. They’re test subjects. How long have they been there? When will they get out? How come there has been no outside contact? Utopia or dystopia. As the questions mount, so does the tension. Who will escape Armageddon House?

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Thin Places – Kay Chronister

Short stories are usually a mixed bag for me but this book’s blurb sold me on my need to dive right in. I had planned on reading a story a day and that worked for a couple of days, then I couldn’t help myself. With a diverse cast including mothers, witches, demons and a preacher’s daughter, and themes of loss, suffering and resilience, this was unlike any other short story collection I’ve come across.

One of the things I love about short stories is that there’s usually something there for everyone. I’ve enjoyed finding out what stories resonated with other reviewers. My favourites are marked with 🖤.

Your Clothes a Sepulcher, Your Body a Grave

First love can be complicated …

I thought if I only loved you enough, I could make the story come untrue.

The Women Who Sing For Sklep

A composer seeks a new sound.

“You do not want to become one of us.”

The Warriors, the Mothers, the Drowned 🖤

A mother’s fierce love for her child and the lengths she will go to to protect her.

“Many others did this before you, better than you,” says the coyote. “And they never made it out alive.”

Too Lonely, Too Wild

She may not have inherited Grammy’s witching power, but she did inherit the family Bible.

No one goes halfway bewitched.

Roiling and Without Form

Molly has only ever known life at the Flamingo but can’t help wondering what’s beyond the marsh.

She sees everyone like this: dangerous or edible. Maybe even Molly. Maybe especially Molly.

Life Cycles

A son sets out to pay his father’s debt.

“Go anywhere you like. But not my nursery.”

The Fifth Gable

Marigold yearns for a child and hopes the women of the four-gabled house can help her.

“Whatever else you do, dear, remember to blame yourself.”

White Throat Holler 🖤

The Blanchard sisters and Esther Grace, a preacher’s daughter, hunt demons.

“You know your town isn’t like other towns,” he said.

“Why not?”

“It just isn’t.”

Russula’s Wake 🖤

Jane’s children are Paley’s, and they need nourishment.

With no other Paleys around, sometimes Jane could make herself forget that the Paley rules were rules for a reason, that they were supposed to protect the people who followed them.

The Lights We Carried Home 🖤

A film crew, a haunted child and a sister who needs to know the truth.

Before I went to school, I thought everyone lived in a kerosene haze and listened at night to the screams of the dead.

Thin Places

Miss Augusta has a new student: Lilianne, the new lighthouse-keeper’s daughter.

Thickening, thickening, filling the crack,

The sun comes out, the water goes back.

White stars in the night, red rain in the day

There’s grass on the shore, there’s fish in the bay.

At times I felt like I was plonked right in the middle of a story and had to scurry to catch up. Other times, the story finished and I wished for an entire novel so I could continue to explore. Sometimes I’d sit there at the end of a story, trying to figure out how I could explain what I’d just experienced to someone else. A couple of times I was certain I’d missed something crucial because I was hazy on the why or the how.

Whether they told of obsessive love, strange appetites or the bonds of family, each story felt delightfully off-centre. With such a limited word count I was often surprised by how easily I could visualise the world I was visiting and a lot of the descriptions, even of things that were uncomfortable, felt beautiful.

Thank you so much to Undertow Publications for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Kay Chronister’s remarkable debut collection of modern horror tales, Thin Places, echoes with the ghosts of Shirley Jackson and Charlotte Perkins Gilman, while forging its own unique gothic sensibility. Here there be monsters! And witches! 

These are tales of monstrous mothers and dark desires. Love, grief, death; and the exquisite pain and joy of life. With transcendent prose, Chronister chronicles the lives of powerful women and children; wicked witches and demons. These are the traumatic ghosts we all carry, and Chronister knows what it means to be human and humane. Powerful and hypnotic, these are tales you won’t forget, from a vibrant new voice. 

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Max Crack #2: Crack Up – Jules Faber

I think creating quests might have been the single best idea I have EVER HAD.

Max Crack and Frankie Doink, our self-proclaimed “Masters of Quests”, are back in Max’s second quest diary. I enjoyed this diary even more than the first and it already feels like I’ve made two new friends. These kids are just so relatable!

If I’d been in Mrs F’s class with them I would have been jostling to get an invite to help them achieve their quests. If they didn’t let me join in on the fun I probably would have either competed against them or come up with my own adventures. Adult me has even started thinking about the types of quests I could be working on now.

There’s plenty of questing in this book to keep your imagination active. Max and Frankie try to find a meteorite, which could actually be a UFO (you never know!). They embark upon shooting “Thine Moving Picture Questeth the Second”, become Heroes of Science and attempt to get their names in the record books.

When they’re not busy questing, they’re perfecting their secret handshake, making good use of their ninja skills and freaking themselves out with their imaginations. They even have the opportunity to make “coin of the realm”.

We learn about mythological foot soldiers and cosmological archaeology, encounter a honking mad goose and experience Stalac-pop fatigue. We ponder the important things in life: whether aliens travel on meteorites, why the return trip always seems quicker than the trip there and the difficulty in getting grown-ups to commit. Max and Frankie may also be experiencing their first crushes, but don’t tell them I said that; I’m sure they’d deny it.

We heard about the Mistress of the Dark Arts in the first book but in this one we actually get to meet her and she’s my new favourite character. I absolutely love everything about her, from her interests to the way she speaks. I can’t wait to have an excuse to spend more time getting to know her.

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In the Doink house, Frankie’s brothers have been in the spotlight. I would also like to get to know his sisters. I loved the inclusion of the new characters and hope they find their way into future diaries.

Books within a book I need in my life:

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  • Extreme Unknown Mysteries of the Mysterious Unknown Extremes
  • Alien Invaders on Your Pizza.

Once again I had fun seeking out the variations of well known names. I chuckled when I read about Playbox games, but my absolute favourite was when the comic book creator, Stanley le’Stan, was mentioned.

I got to enjoy more of Frankie’s theories, like the Invisible City Theory and the one that puts forth a compelling argument for Santa’s alien origins.

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While you could jump right into the series with this diary I’d recommend you read them in order. This one assumes you know about the quests Max and Frankie have already completed, so you’ll step in some spoilers for the first book along the way.

If anyone needs me I’ll be waiting for the next bridge accident to happen. I was intrigued but a bit hesitant when I began this series as I’ve previously only loved Jules Faber’s work as an illustrator but I’m hooked and can’t wait to see what quests Max and Frankie come up with next.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Pan Macmillan Australia for introducing me to this fun new series.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Max Crack and his best friend Frankie are back with even more quest-ordinary adventures!

Armed with a shiny new quest list, they are on a mission to find a meteorite, make a movie, solve a sisterly feud, eat truckloads of chocolate, set a World Record …

Read all about it!

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Max Crack #1: The Quest Diaries of Max Crack – Jules Faber

I’ve discovered a fun new children’s series and it’s written by the illustrator of one of my favourite children’s book series, Anh Do’s WeirDo. Written in diary form and featuring oodles of illustrations, we meet Max Crack, who’s just moved to Piddown.

While Max didn’t want to move house, at least the kids in his new school don’t know the embarrassing things he’s done. He’s determined to make the best of it so decides to embark upon a series of quests. His first quest is to find a best friend and it’s lucky he does because now he has a partner in crime for all of his future quests.

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Frankie tells Max all of the important stuff about the town, like where the Mistress of the Dark Arts lives, and introduces him to his Doink family. The Doinks have lots of children so their house can be chaotic, but for only child Max it’s a novelty. The Doink’s even have their own vocabulary!

The new best friends share a love of adventure, comics and jokes. Happily for me, there are even some pirate jokes.

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Max experiences some brand new embarrassing moments and together he and Frankie discover dinosaurs, search for Loch Ness monsters and tell fart jokes (they’re a requisite for pre-teen boys, aren’t they?). They compete in a spelling bee with some super dooper hard words and hunt for buried treasure, where O marks the spot.

Whatever our next quest will be, we’re going to do it together. I’m learning that THAT’s what best friends do.

I enjoyed the variations on well known people, foods and other items. Mars bars become Pluto bars. A famous rock band becomes Peck. My favourite minor character in this book was Nick ‘No Nickname’ Name.

I also had a favourite neighbour: Mrs Pembroke, who has an abundance of chocolate to give away.

I found the kids very relatable. I look forward to hearing some more of Frankie’s theories, which currently include the Sacrificial Skunk Theory. Some of his theories made more sense to me than others but I’m not a pre-teen boy, so what do I know?!

My favourite line involved Frankie mishearing Max when he mentioned a paradox.

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I always look forward to Jules Faber’s illustrations in Anh Do’s WeirDo series. Even if I didn’t know Jules had written this book I would have picked he’d illustrated it in a heartbeat. This is pure conjecture but I’m going to go out on a limb here. I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point in the future there’s a WeirDo/Max Crack crossover where we learn that Max and Weir are distant relatives.

If you don’t believe I could possibly be right, check out this illustration from the second WeirDo book and tell me you don’t see the family resemblance between Max and Mrs Do.

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This is Max Crack, legend, quest-seeker and awesome best friend SIGNING OFF.

Time to begin book 2!

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Hi everyone! I’m Max Crack and this awesome book is all about me and my quests and my best friend Frankie!

Buried treasure, new school, doodles, peanut butter and honey toast, best friends, horrible blobs, mysteries, Meddlyslop, spelling bees (hard words, harder words), more doodles, comics, World War Undies … this book has it ALL.

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What Lies Between Us – John Marrs

Some women who terrify me:

  • Annie Wilkes
  • Rosemary West
  • Pretty much any woman who claws her way from John Marrs’ imagination onto a page.

Seriously, if I ever get a message to you that I’m in the same room as a woman I met in a John Marrs’ book, please call emergency services for me. Immediately!

Once upon a time we were the best of friends. But that was before he destroyed everything. Now the two of us are little more than the debris he left behind.

In this edition of Which Woman Needs the Most Therapy?, we meet Maggie and Nina. Former best friends, they’ve lived together for a long time. They have dinner together every second evening. When they’ve finished their meal, Nina escorts Maggie back upstairs to her converted attic bedroom. There she removes the chain around Maggie’s ankle and replaces it with the shorter one.

I have many stories inside me and just as many secrets.

When I say these women have a complicated history, that is understating the facts. Facts, which must be separated from lies, which need to be carefully teased from perceptions. Maggie and Nina are both given the opportunity to explain their current circumstances, along with pivotal decisions and behaviours that have contributed to them.

I went into this novel questioning which woman would emerge as the victim and which the perpetrator. I should have known better. The characters in John Marrs’ novels are too complex to pigeonhole that easily. With a narrative that stretches across decades, black and white quickly smudge to form various shades of grey.

I can never explain why I’ve done what I‘ve done.

I would love to spend my time here analysing the intricacies of the reasons Maggie and Nina’s relationship has devolved. I also want to brag about the reveals that I suspected from early on and ask you if you also missed the ones that failed to show up on my radar. However, everything specific I want to say about these women is shaped like a spoiler so I’m borrowing the chain that’s not currently being used to restrain myself.

When I read The Good Samaritan I was compelled to read past my bedtime. Laura continues to haunt me over two years since I finished reading her story. I expect Maggie and Nina will do the same. Once again, I’m writing this review bleary eyed. I need to read every book this author ever writes!

I have a couple of outstanding questions and would usually provide content warnings but, because they’d contain spoilers that could ruin the book for you, I will not be providing them here.

Sharing a house with a twisted spirit is better than being alone.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Amazon Publishing UK for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Nina can never forgive Maggie for what she did. And she can never let her leave.

They say every house has its secrets, and the house that Maggie and Nina have shared for so long is no different. Except that these secrets are not buried in the past.

Every other night, Maggie and Nina have dinner together. When they are finished, Nina helps Maggie back to her room in the attic, and into the heavy chain that keeps her there. Because Maggie has done things to Nina that can’t ever be forgiven, and now she is paying the price.

But there are many things about the past that Nina doesn’t know, and Maggie is going to keep it that way – even if it kills her.

Because in this house, the truth is more dangerous than lies.

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Tomb of Gods – Brian Moreland

Spoilers Ahead!

“We are standing at the threshold of one of life’s great mysteries”

Dr Harlan Riley hadn’t been the same since he was found “wandering the desert southeast of Cairo”. Scars covered his body and he alternated between speaking an unknown language and uttering cryptic warnings. It is five months months after his death, in March 1937, when a team of British archaeologists find Nebenteru’s tomb, whose secrets Harlan took to the grave.

I have witnessed miracles. Nightmares. Forgotten realms.

Leading the team is Dr Nathan Trummel. His own personal team is made up of assistant, Piper, blind psychic, Dyfan, and bodyguard, Aiden Gosswick. They are joined by mercenaries, Sergeant Dan Vickers and Corporal Teddy Quig, and a guard, Corporal Rex Sykes. 

An Egyptian guide, Bakari Neseem, an American photographer on assignment for National Geographic, Caleb Beckett, and a number of labourers, archaeologists and students round out the team. With this many volunteers signing up to enter the final resting place for an unknown number of explorers, it’s fairly certain the pharaoh’s tomb is likely to become many of theirs.

Late to the party is Imogen, an expert in Egyptian mythology and Harlan’s granddaughter. Raised by Harlan and his sidekick on expeditions when she was a child, she’s likely to be quite useful in navigating the potential pitfalls ahead.

“Damned are we who enter the abyss.”

Once the bloodbath got under way the story went in a direction I hadn’t expected. The world building was extensive and it often felt like I was walking alongside the team, or perhaps somewhere closer to the middle of the group so whatever was coming next would get them first. 

Peoples’ true natures rose to the surface and tensions were high as the explorers faced their demons, and I’m sure the characters’ blood pressures increased each time they noticed sentences that commenced with:

Twelve explorers

All nine explorers

The eight explorers

I couldn’t help seeing parallels between Imogen searching her grandfather’s diary for clues and Indiana Jones using Henry’s diary to find the Holy Grail.

I grew up sharing my Nan’s love of Egyptology and know she would have loved this book. The way the mythology was injected into the storyline made me appreciate how much time the author must have spent researching it and had me Googling some unfamiliar names to figure out if they originated from history or the author’s imagination. When the lines between reality and fiction get blurry I know an author has well and truly sucked me in.

I had two main niggles:

  • The way the explorers made their way through the various gates was repetitive at times.
  • I felt the epilogue was unnecessary and its contents frustrated me. The chapter prior to this provided a natural end to the story for me and I wish it had concluded there.

“Something’s coming.”

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Flame Tree Press for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Deep inside the tomb exists a hidden world of wonder and terror. 

In 1935, British archaeologists vanished inside an Egyptian cave. A year later, one man returned covered in mysterious scars. 

Egyptologist Imogen Riley desperately wants to know what happened to the ill-fated expedition led by her grandfather. On a quest for answers, she joins a team of archeologists and soldiers in Egypt. Inside a mountain tomb, they’ve found a technologically advanced relic and a maze of tunnels. Dr. Nathan Trummel believes this tomb leads to the most guarded secrets of the pharaohs. When the explorers venture deep into the caves, they discover a hidden world of wonder and terror.

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The Folcroft Ghosts – Darcy Coates

“We want to talk about the ghosts.”

When their mother is hospitalised after an accident, fifteen year old Tara and her eleven year old brother, Kyle, go to stay with their grandparents. Their mother doesn’t talk about her parents and the siblings have never even met Peter and May.

The house is isolated and it isn’t long before the siblings notice some strange things. They begin to wonder what secrets their grandparents are hiding from them.

I’ve been eyeing off Darcy Coates’ books for quite a while now and know at least one has made it into my Kindle’s Black Hole of Good Intentions, but this was the first I’ve read. I expected some serious creepiness but I comfortably read this in the middle of the night while everyone was sleeping and the rain was keeping me company. I wasn’t even tempted to quickly turn on a light to make sure nothing was watching over me as I read.

“Did you hear the footsteps?”

If I’d read this book when I was younger I expect it would have unsettled me enough that I would have been suspicious of every noise I heard at night. However, it felt like I was reading a more atmospheric R.L. Stine book than one intended for adults.

Having said that, I enjoyed the story. It was a quick, light read, I was almost immediately sucked in and I liked the characters. While I never felt like I really got to know Peter as well as I would have liked, Tara and Kyle’s bond made me wish I had a sibling.

“There is nothing more important to us than family.”

May was the standout character for me. Regardless of everything else going on in the background I wanted to hang out with her in the kitchen. Never mind the ghosts; I’m going to the Folcroft’s for May’s cooking.

My main niggle was a strange one; the maths didn’t work for me. We learn that Tara and Kyle’s mother was 17 when she wrote in her journal in 1985. Then later it’s said she was almost 2 in 1975.

At the end of the book there are three short stories. My favourite was Clockwork.

Clockwork

This had a Roald Dahl short story feel and it was a delight.

“Some run fast. Others run slow. They must all keep the same time. Down to the second.”

Sub Basement

Sometimes I enjoy ambiguity when reading something potentially spooky; this time I wanted to see for myself what was there.

Dozens of people had made the run without seeing anything out of the ordinary. And even when … well, Joan had suffered from a heart condition, anyway.

Crypt

In this sleepy town’s graveyard there’s a new section and then there’s the one that was there before the town was settled. There are stories about that old section.

“They don’t believe me,” he said before I could even open my mouth. “They think I’m making it up.”

“Making what up?” I asked.

“The vampire.”

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Poisoned Pen Press, an imprint of Sourcebooks, for the opportunity to read this book. I want to read more books by this author.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

When their mother is hospitalised, Tara and Kyle are sent to stay with their only remaining relatives, their grandparents.

It’s their first time meeting May and Peter Folcroft. The elderly couple seem friendly at first, and the house, hidden in the base of the mountains, is full of nooks to explore.

But strange things keep happening. The swing moves on its own. Peter paces around the house late at night and seems obsessed with the lake where his sister drowned. Doors slam and curtains shift when no one is inside. And one room is kept permanently locked.

When a storm cuts the phone line – their only contact with the outside world – Tara and Kyle must find a way to protect themselves from their increasingly erratic grandparents … and from the ghosts that inhabit the Folcroft’s house.

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Alphonse, There’s Mud on the Ceiling! – Daisy Hirst

This is my first Natalie and Alphonse read. It’s the third in a series about monster siblings who live on the seventh floor of an apartment building. Although they’re good at entertaining themselves, sometimes there just isn’t enough space for them to play and some of their games are messy.

They want to go camping but they don’t have a backyard. They spend some time exploring in the local park.

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Then the siblings use their imagination to come up with a way to sleep in a tent in the jungle without needing a backyard. The siblings’ creativity and adaptability allow them to come up with a solution to a problem.

I don’t think I’d be as laidback as their father was about the huge mess they made in the apartment. If they were my little monsters I’d be making sure they’d cleaned up after themselves before they got to have an adventure in the park. Although, perhaps father monster just wanted them to use up some of their excess energy …

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The illustrations are colourful and cute, although I prefer children’s books with more detailed pictures. I liked the book’s message but I don’t think I’d want to read it again.

Thank you to NetGalley and Candlewick Press for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Lovably rambunctious monster siblings Natalie and Alphonse are excited to go camping in the wilds of nature – without leaving their apartment.

Most of the time, Natalie and Alphonse like living in an apartment on the seventh floor. They have bunk beds to drive, a big green chair to hide behind and yell “Raaaar!”, sunflowers on the balcony to water, and almost enough hallway space for tumbling. But when they pretend to be wiggly worms crawling across the jungle … SHFLWUMP! Ow! That is not a good game for indoors! How can they explore the joys of nature in the middle of the city? In a playful ode to cooperation and imagination, award-winning picture-book creator Daisy Hirst presents a third adventure starring two relatable – and resourceful – siblings.

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Ghostland – Duncan Ralston

Ghosts are real.

If you want to visualise the gorefest that is Ghostland, imagine the ectoplasmic mayhem that would have ensued if Jurassic Park had been populated by ghosts instead of dinosaurs. Featuring such haunts as a prison, an asylum and Garrote House, home of “the Most Terrifying Man in the World”, and 300 ghosts (at the beginning of the book) ranging from former prisoners to an evil sex nun, the promised fun of this amusement park quickly descends into a “concerto of chaos”.

Putting their knowledge of “All Things Horror” and gaming skills to the ultimate test are Lilian Roth and Ben Laramie. Ben has serious physical health problems and Lilian’s thanatophobia, a result of a trauma she experienced four years ago, add to the potential dangers these former best friends will be facing.

Joining them on what may be their final day as corporeal beings is Dr Allison Wexler, Lilian’s therapist. Having your therapist along for the ride is not awkward at all …

Exposure therapy has never been so intensive!

“What’s the worst that could happen, right?”

You do realise you’re one of the main characters in a horror novel, don’t you Lilian?

Don’t bother trying to form any emotional connections with any of the breathers who decide that opening day is a good time to visit this amusement park. Chances are they’re going to be the recently deceased before they get their $40 ticket price worth of scares.

Usually when I read horror stories I tally a body count but there’s just no point here. Even if I counted all of the bodies I tripped over along the way, I would have missed dozens of them. Not as many people died in front of me as I had hoped but I did get to witness the results of a fair amount of the carnage as Lilian and Ben attempt to navigate their way out of Ghostland, hopefully with heartbeats.

This is what happens when you mess around with things you can’t possibly comprehend.

I haven’t had this much fun anticipating footnotes since Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves. While the “Know Your Ghosts” guide occasionally only repeated the text in the chapters and didn’t seem necessary, I enjoyed the majority that provided additional information. I expect they’re going to be useful in the sequel. Incidentally, if Ghostland is ever made into a movie, I’ll be there for the ride.

At times it felt like there were an over abundance of similes and I simply shook my head when our lambs to the slaughter took the time to locate toilets on the map. If all hell was breaking loose and I had to use the bathroom I doubt I’d risk my life further by detouring to find a public toilet. A few question marks appeared over my head as I was reading, including when Dr Wexler contradicted herself about how long Lilian had been in therapy for, but they are essentially quibbles in what was a fun bloodbath.

My disappointment came when, after such a build up, I blinked and missed most of the final battle. Maybe I’ll get to enjoy the hopefully bone snapping, blood spurting, organ squishing climax in a flashback scene during the sequel but right now it feels like a crucial chapter was accidentally deleted.

Favourite phrase:

“You cain’t be alive. You ain’t got a head.”

You can download a free copy of the short story prequel, The Moving House, when you subscribe to the author’s website. There’s also a Ghostland website to explore.

Please keep your head and hands inside the ride and enjoy your time at Ghostland, the most terrifying theme park on earth!

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Thank you so much to NetGalley, Shadow Work Publishing and Victory Editing for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

People are dying to get in. The ghosts will kill to get out. 

Be first in line for the most haunted theme park in the park in the world – Ghostland! Discover and explore hundreds of haunted buildings and cursed objects! Witness spectral beings of all kinds with our patented Augmented Reality glasses! Experience all the terror and thrills the afterlife has to offer, safely protected by our Recurrence Field technology! Visit Ghostland today – it’s the hauntedest place on earth!

After a near-death experience caused by the park’s star haunted attraction, Ben has come to Ghostland seeking to reconnect with his former best friend Lilian, whose post-traumatic stress won’t let her live life to the fullest. She’s come at the insistence of her therapist, Dr. Allison Wexler, who tags along out of professional curiosity, eager to study the new tech’s psychological effect on the user. 

But when a computer virus sets the ghosts free and the park goes into lockdown, the trio find themselves trapped in an endless nightmare. 

With time running short and the dead quickly outnumbering the living, the survivors must tap into their knowledge of horror and video games to escape … or become Ghostland’s newest exhibits. 

Featuring an interactive “Know Your Ghosts” guide and much more, Ghostland is over 400 pages of thrills and terror!

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