Author: Schizanthus Nerd

The Scarecrow Princess – Federico Rossi Edrig

”You know what, Morrigan Moore? Your endless whingeing is wearing a bit thin.”

I couldn’t say it better, Mr King of the Crows. Morrigan Moore is a fairly impressive tantrum thrower. Throughout the story she winds up yelling at pretty much everyone.

Morrigan is fourteen and isn’t happy about moving (again!) to the middle of nowhere. Edgar, her older brother and Sophie, her mother are gathering information about the King of the Crows and the Scarecrow Prince for their next book in the Myths of Albion series.

After a crow steals her hair pin and she gets cranky (again!), Morrigan winds up meeting Alma, a potential friend if she can put up with Morrigan’s anger issues, and Dandelion, one of the dogs Alma is paid to walk by rich people.

When Dandelion pulls hard on her leash to chase a crow (yes, they’re everywhere in this story) Alma’s bracelet breaks and ends up in Widow Abbott’s yard, a recluse and the oldest woman in town. Although Alma tells her not to, Morrigan decides to find the broken bracelet.

As soon as she retrieves it, Widow Abbott appears, warns Morrigan that she’s exposed, that shiny objects attract him and he has eyes and ears everywhere, before hustling the new girl inside. Who has eyes everywhere? The King of the Crows and apparently underestimating his threat only makes him more dangerous, so pay attention! Arming Morrigan with a button for protection, Widow Abbott sends her on her way. Yeah, that’ll help! Thanks, scary old lady!

Then there are some action scenes and kidnapping, followed by watching Morrigan masturbate before she has a suggestive conversation with the creepy Crow Man, who incidentally is not just her senior but at least several hundred years older than her. That’s if he’s not immortal. I don’t know. I’m pretty sketchy on some of the details. Maybe I missed some of the really important links but some of the scenes appeared jumpy, without the connection needed to get the full picture.

Morrigan has some wicked eyebrows and one of the best angry faces I’ve ever seen,

but I don’t know why a fourteen year old is wandering around preparing for battle yet forgets to put on her underwear. Seriously! Why did we need a naked fourteen year old girl facing off against a naked man of indeterminate age but somewhere in the ‘why aren’t you dead already?’ range?!

While I’m asking questions, why are Morrigan’s older brother and her mother consistently referred to as her folks? Was something lost in the translation? Why does Morrigan’s brother look positively evil in some of the panels where he’s smiling?

While I was really interested in this graphic novel based on the blurb and cover image I found a lot of the scenes with Crow Guy really hard to decipher. There’s plenty of black swooshing around the pages but it’s hiding the detail of what’s actually happening a fair amount of the time.

While I was initially hooked because we were setting off to investigate a local legend and that should be awesome, I wound up disappointed. I guess I should’ve listened when Morrigan’s mother said at the beginning:

”It’s not the job of an author to give the reader what they want … It is the job of an author to give the reader what they need.”

I didn’t get what I wanted or hoped for. Did I get what I needed? I guess the author thinks so. Unfortunately I won’t be recommending this one.

Thank you to NetGalley, Lion Forge and Diamond Book Distributors for the opportunity to read this graphic novel.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Morrigan Moore has always been moody, but her new home is the worst. Her novelist mother has dragged her to the countryside, drawn by the lost myth of the King of Crows, a dark figure of theft and deceit, and the Scarecrow Prince, the only one who can stand against him. When Morrigan finds herself swept up in the legend, she’ll have no choice but to take on the Scarecrow Prince’s mantel, and to stand and fight. For her town, her family, and her own future. This lushly drawn graphic novel will pull you into its sinister secrets and not let go till the final page. For fans of Coraline and Over the Garden Wall.

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Brutal Body – Michael Clark

Including fun experiments like finding out if you’re a super taster and a recipe for making your very own edible snot (including green food colouring and sprinkles!), Brutal Body is an interesting way to learn how smart and kinda gross your body is.

Young readers will learn about dinner conversation topics that include:

  • How the body makes pus
  • The ingredients things that combine to make mucus and why it turns green when you’re sick
  • The five different flavours your taste receptors can detect
  • The purpose of saliva
  • How your digestive system works
  • Why farts are smelly
  • How your brain’s assumptions can trip you up when you look at optical illusions.

Then, if you haven’t learned enough cool and disgusting facts about your body, you’ll also be introduced to two strange doctors:

  • Andreas Vesalius, who wrote a detailed book about the human body, including illustrations he drew after cutting up dead bodies from the local prison to find out what was inside them 🔪
  • Edward Jenner, who experimented on a young boy by injecting him with pus from a cowpox infected cow to prove his theory about smallpox. Eww! 😷

I really liked the varied layouts and the great use of colour in this book. The illustrations are really good and the photos are suitably gross (think oral thrush 👅). There’s enough information that could be used for a unique school project and it’s gross enough to maintain the interest of those who think learning about the human body is boring. I would’ve loved this as a kid! I even learned some new facts today that will no doubt come out of my mouth at invariably inappropriate times in the future, possibly while eating dinner. 😬

If you have a weak stomach you may want to steer clear of the specific copy of the book that I read. I was the first one to borrow it from my library so I’m assuming it has something to do with some chemical used in the paper rather than a former borrower, but it has a very distinct vomit smell. 🤢 While it certainly added to the ambience of the reading experience it’s not exactly the type of book you want accompanied by Smell-O-Page! 🤮

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The human body is unique, to say the least. With the help of this stimulating book, readers will learn about the fascinating ways their bodies operate, from the way their brain processes things, to the reason there is snot in their nose. Fun and relevant experiments will engage even those readers who aren’t typically scientifically inclined. Creative language and colorful images will appeal to readers of many levels, while exciting activities will reinforce their understanding of important scientific concepts. 

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The Best Damn Answers to Life’s Hardest Questions: A Flowchart Book – Tess Koman

Am I a nerd? ✔️
Do I like flowcharts? ✔️
Do I like gift books? ✔️
Do I like laughing? ✔️

I found The Best Damn Answers to Life’s Hardest Questions: A Flowchart Book and thought I’d hit the quadfecta. It turns out that just because something ticks all the right boxes it doesn’t always mean you’ll find the gift book of your dreams.

I wouldn’t need a flowchart for a lot of the questions anyway:

  • Room for dessert? – Duh! Always!
  • Do I need a vacation? – See above.
  • Do I need more coffee? – Again, see above.

I’m too nerdy to fully appreciate the carefree look of these flowcharts. They don’t have different symbols for each action type and without arrows a messy flowchart can be kinda difficult to navigate in sections. Also, some of the questions don’t result in a flowchart, just a rant or a pros and cons list, which didn’t make sense to me as it’s a Flowchart Book.

Maybe we can chalk it up to the fact that this book is asking questions of millennials when I’m too old to even pretend to be one, if I actually wanted to. However, regardless of my age, I doubt this ever would’ve been the book for me.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for the opportunity to read this book.

Once Upon a Blurb

A hilarious and utterly relatable collection of flowcharts, rants, and lists about adulting.

A humourous guide to adulthood in a collection of 54 charmingly illustrated flowcharts and pros-and-cons lists that each address an all-too-real question, from the mundane to the life-changing. Will I survive this hangover? (Probably not.) Should I cancel my plans? (YES! Cancel immediately.) Am I having a quarter-life crisis? (Probably.) Do I even like this person? (Nope, nope, nope.) This inspired book of humour disguised as invaluable advice is a gift to make anyone feel better, proving that every question, thought, and decision, no matter how ridiculous or irresponsible, is completely valid. 

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Hopeless Heroes #2: Hera’s Terrible Trap! – Stella Tarakson

Illustrations – Nick Roberts

We first met Tim Baker when he accidentally broke an antique Greek vase while dusting to help his mother, who struggled to work two jobs to support herself and her son, in Here Comes Hercules!, the first book in the Hopeless Heroes series.

Hercules had been trapped inside the vase by his evil stepmother Hera, and upon his release Hercules decides to ‘help’ Tim complete his chores. Hercules’ brand of help tends to end in disaster and ruins the garden in the process.

With Hercules safely returned to Ancient Greece, Hera’s Terrible Trap! begins at the outdoor garden centre with Tim and his mother shopping for plants to replace those Hercules destroyed while ‘helping’ in the first book.

Tim has taken it upon himself to protect the newly mended vase. Evil Hera and her servant Hermes have already attempted to steal the vase to recapture Hercules so Tim is on guard. Despite Tim’s best efforts Hermes manages to steal the vase, along with a stowaway. Tim grabbed hold of the vase as Hermes made his escape and is now stuck in Ancient Greece.

In this book Tim reunites with Hercules and meets his wife Agatha and daughter Zoe. Against overprotective Dad’s wishes Zoe decides to steal the vase from Hera so she can’t use it to recapture Hercules. Unable to talk this determined little miss out of her plan Tim follows Zoe and the kids wind up on an adventure.

Together they come across other mythological figures including vain Theseus (who Zoe, despite how smart she is, hero worships), one of Medusa’s sisters Stheno and Zoe’s Grandpa Perseus. Along the way they encounter a labyrinth, weaponised fruit and guard dogs peacocks! Yet even if they make it out of their adventure alive Tim has no idea if he will ever find a way to return home to present day England, where his Mum is no doubt frantic that her son is missing.

In this book we get a glimpse at one of Leo the bully’s family members and it becomes clearer why Leo is a bully in the first place, which I liked and look forward to getting to know him better in future books. I wasn’t, however, a fan of Tim getting back at Leo for tripping him by then tripping Leo. During this scene I heard my dreaded adult voice chiding Tim for his actions. Thankfully my adult voice shut up for the rest of the book.

Whereas the first book obviously needed time to set up the story and mythology, there was more action and adventure in the sequel. I did find the first book funnier although that’s probably more a reflection of how much fun I found Hercules’ bumbling attempts to help Tim to be. I thought that Zoe, being a strong and independent girl, would have been somewhat immune to Theseus’ alleged charms. It turns out that even smart girls can become groupies to doofus types.

Overall I enjoyed the sequel more than the first book and plan to continue reading this series. If you haven’t read the first book you could get away with starting the series with this one as it begins with a recap of the first, but to get the most out of it I’d recommend you read them in order.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Sweet Cherry Publishing for the opportunity to read this book. I’ll be looking out for Tim’s next adventure in Arachne’s Golden Gloves!

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Tim Baker thinks his adventures are over until he hitches a ride to Ancient Greece on a stolen vase. Soon Tim finds himself trapped with an army of peacocks and a hero who can’t stop admiring himself. Put that mirror down, Theseus!

Thank the gods his new friend Zoe is there to help. Just don’t tell her dad …

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Disney Manga: Descendants – The Rotten to the Core – Jason Muell

Illustrations – Natsuki Minami

Let me begin by telling you I’ve never seen the movie and haven’t read volumes 1 or 3 of this Disney Manga trilogy. Based on the blurb and cover illustration, we’ve got some kids who spend a considerable amount of time at the hairdressers and who usually live on the Isle of the Lost with their Disney baddie parents – Maleficent, the Evil Queen, Jafar and Cruella De Vil.

I don’t know how or why but these baddies in training have been invited to attend a yuppie prep school in Auradon alongside the goody two-shoes Disney hero kids. Our baddie Descendants are Mal (purple hair), Evie (blue hair), Jay (really long hair and probably brushes it a hundred times a day to keep it silky smooth), and Carlos (likely to be bleached, extremely likely to be highly styled, spiky hair).

Baddie parents are counting on baddie kids to act the part in their evil scheme to overthrow the goody two-shoes and take over the kingdom (or maybe just the Auradon part or is Auradon the kingdom?!). Will baddie kids be bad or will they save the kingdom by “embracing their innate goodness”. Hmm… “embracing their innate goodness”. I suppose we are in the Wonderful World of Disney. 🧚‍♂️

I’m not overly sure what happened in this volume other than it being a set up for the grand finale where our baddie heroes decide if they’re more baddie or hero. Other than that there were enough “I need a boyfriend” conversations, makeovers, cheerleaders and insta-love magic style to make me extremely grateful I’m done with high school.

If you loved the movie then you should like this trilogy because, from what I’ve read, it’s a play by play of the movie’s highlight reel. Personally I think I’ll give the rest of this trilogy a miss and will give the movie a very wide berth.

I like my villains to be of the sarcastic, funny, evil variety that is destined to die but they’re going to entertain you until then, like Hans Gruber from Die Hard or Peter Krieg, A.K.A., Simon Gruber (Hans’ brother) from Die Hard with a Vengeance. I want to love my villains, not watch them magically transform into someone we can all look to for moral guidance. If you want your villains to have a lightbulb moment and turn syrupy sweet this may be the story for you.

Thank you so much to NetGalley, TokyoPop and Diamond Book Distributors for the opportunity to read Volume 2 of this Disney Manga trilogy.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The children of Maleficent, the Evil Queen, Jafar and Cruella De Vil have never ventured off the Isle of the Lost … until now. Invited to pristine Auradon to attend prep school alongside the children of beloved Disney heroes, Mal, Evie, Jay and Carlos must carryout their villain parents evil plot to rule once again. Will the rebel teens follow in their rotten parents’ footsteps or will they choose to embrace their innate goodness and save the kingdom?

This is volume 2 of the Descendants Manga Trilogy.

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I Have Lost My Way – Gayle Forman

I Have Lost My Way is one of those books you need to savour. At the beginning of this book I didn’t know any of the characters, just as Freya, Nathaniel and Harun didn’t know one another. Yet as their stories unfolded I saw myself in each of them and began to feel like one of their people. I don’t think it matters with this book if you can relate personally to any of the character’s specific circumstances and why they find their lives colliding that day.

What matters is that all three have lost their way. I want to tell you all about their individual stories but it’s best you gradually get to know each character as you read. Told from all three perspectives, this is a story of love, friendship and discovering who you really are.

They each feel invisible in their own way. They all feel alone in their lives, whether they’re surrounded by adoring fans, a large family or no one at all. Their stories shine a light on the lengths we can go to in order to try to fit into the mould that others have created for us when we know deep down our shape looks nothing like that of the mould. Freya, Nathaniel and Harun share one fear: ‘if people knew the truth about me I would truly be alone’ so they hide parts of themselves from the world. I don’t know about you but this aching loneliness resonated with me.

I’m sure they and I aren’t the only ones who have ever felt this way, and that’s one of the strengths of a Gayle Forman novel. You feel. You feel for her characters and ultimately your glance turns inward and you examine yourself. There’s a feeling of inclusion in Gayle’s novels and as her characters slowly let others in and in doing so expand their lives, you feel a corresponding expansion of your own. You may begin reading with little or no understanding of where a specific character is coming from, and you may even find yourself judging them preemptively, yet as they bare their soul your heart opens.

There are some things I’ve noticed in all of Gayle’s novels. Regardless of the overall theme I get sucked into the story almost immediately, generally by the end of the first page. There’s at once a simplicity and complexity to her writing; easy to read yet with a depth you fall into without realising. I fall in love with her characters, idiosyncrasies and all, and find myself thinking about them long after I finish reading their stories. They have the ability to change me from the inside out.

Favourite Passage (of many!):

“To be the holder of other people’s loss is to be the keeper of their love. To share your loss with people is another way of giving your love.”

Best Description of Books Ever: “little empathy-delivery devices”. 💕

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster (Australia) for reminding me why I love everything Gayle writes and reigniting the need to devour her entire back catalogue while I wait for her next empathy-delivery device to imprint itself on my heart.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

A powerful display of empathy and friendship from the #1 New York Times Bestselling author of If I Stay.

Around the time that Freya loses her voice while recording her debut album, Harun is making plans to run away from home to find the boy that he loves, and Nathaniel is arriving in New York City after a family tragedy leaves him isolated on the outskirts of Washington state. After the three of them collide in Central Park, they slowly reveal the parts of their past that they haven’t been able to confront, and together, they find their way back to who they’re supposed to be.

Told over the course of a single day from three different perspectives, Gayle Forman’s newest novel about the power of friendship and being true to who you are is filled with the elegant prose that her fans have come to know and love.

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Norman: The Doll That Needed to Be Locked Away – Stephen Lancaster

If there’s somethin’ strange

In your neighbourhood

Who ya gonna call? 👻

So, you’re no doubt well acquainted with Chucky and Annabelle, but have you heard of Norman (the doll, not the shower scene Psycho 🔪🚿)? I hadn’t but I love all of that ooky spooky stuff so thought that this was the book for me. After all, it’s written by a man who’s been a paranormal researcher for 20 years and the front cover told me it’s a true story. ‘Sign me up,’ I thought.

I’m one of those people that will watch an episode of The X Files, any episode, and believe that whatever’s happening on screen has either already happened, is possible or at the very least plausible. So, fairly high on the gullibility scale. I tend to find the supernatural fascinating. I’m one of those 👽 I Want to Believe 🛸 types but if something appropriately ooky spooky was ever proven I am fairly certain I’d be happy to watch the movie rather than be in the room with it. So, gullible and a scaredy-cat.

With that in mind I decided to begin reading this book while the sun was shining brightly outside and the birds were chirping happily. I needn’t have bothered. I could have read this at midnight during a full moon on Friday, 13th with a raging lightning storm outside and wind rattling the windows and I still would have been okay with reading this in the dark.

The title says it all. Norman: The Doll That Needed to Be Locked Away. So where was it kept? On the headboard of the bed where the author and his girlfriend sleep, along with an assortment of other allegedly haunted dolls and toys. Huh???

Some will believe this story is true and others will think it’s baloney. If it is true then I’m wondering why child and animal protection agencies haven’t been involved. It’s fine if you want to make potentially reckless decisions for yourself as an adult but when those decisions affect minors (the 15 year old daughter of the author’s girlfriend as well as her son’s 8 and 10 year old kids) and animals (four inside dogs, one inside cat and about half a dozen outside cats), then as far as I can tell that’s reportable, not just poor judgement.

It you don’t believe in this type of Paranormal Activity and read this as fiction, then I expect you will wonder why the characters do a lot of the things they do, such as (and these are just some of the questions I want to ask the author personally):

  • With all of this stuff going on that you attribute to Norman then why does he remain in the master bedroom for most of the book? That’s where you sleep, people!
  • As you wonder about Norman’s questionable behaviour and the fact that all of the other haunted bits and bobs have witnessed this and may have similar ideas now, do you also wonder if maybe now would be a good time to remove them from your bedroom?
  • Did anyone ever consider trying to contact the woman that had Norman before these people or at least someone who knows her to find out some handy information about him and his history?
  • Is there no other place for you to conduct your research into paranormal creepy dolls other than your bedroom? Again, you sleep there, people!
  • If you have seen a single horror movie you know your animals are in danger yet you still have them in the house with you and the creepy doll, even though they are scared stiff of said creepy doll.
  • If you don’t want to burn or bury the doll because of the human spirit or whatever that resides in it, then why do you not have any qualms trying to sell the thing on eBay (or whatever anonymous site you listed him on) three times?
  • If you truly believe that there is a child spirit inside this doll then wouldn’t locking him in a room with no human interaction and cartoons playing constantly on the television annoy him slightly after a while? Also, why is he still in your house? In the room next to where you sleep?!
  • You mention how difficult it is to sleep. Duh! 🤦‍♀️
  • If the 15 year old’s door closes all by itself, why does she sleep in there immediately after you all review the footage of the door closing. All. By. Itself.

If you believe this is a true story, then I imagine you would question these things even more.

The photos that are included to support the author’s claims unfortunately had the opposite effect with me. For example, there are two photos showing a significant change in temperature near Norman that was reported to have happened a minute apart. Yet there’s no time stamp on the photos and even if there was the author makes mention of their “top-notch video editing software” so it would be difficult to know with certainty if they were real or fake anyway.

There were many typos in the ARC that will hopefully be corrected prior to publication. If they’re fixed, then the funniest ones you missed out on are:

  • “Hannah continued to stay with her bother”. I’m an only child but I can imagine if Hannah had written that part brother becoming bother could’ve counted as a nice little Freudian slip.
  • “What happened next about gave me a heart.” Here’s one! ❤️ I loved this sentence so much but I’m not sure I was supposed to be laughing when the author was explaining how scary something was.

So, do I believe the events in this book are true? I wasn’t there so I can’t say for sure, but the way it was written raised more questions than it answered for me. Unless or until the author decides to make the video footage public I’m going to have to sit on the fence and hope it’s not too uncomfortable. I’d prefer to be standing firmly on one side or the other but there’s not enough evidence or debunking (I love that word!) to give you a confident answer. I know I still want to believe!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Llewellyn Publications for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

When paranormal investigator Stephen Lancaster brought home an old doll from an antique shop, he had no idea what bizarre and terrifying things were about to occur. From day one, Norman the doll raised hell. He caused sudden infestations of rats and spiders. He frightened dogs and put children in trances. He even moved on his own in video surveillance footage. And that was just the beginning.

Norman takes you on a thrilling journey into Stephen’s life with a doll that has held the spirit of an unborn child for over fifty years. A haunted doll that still lives in Stephen’s house, locked away in his own room to keep him from once again endangering the house and Stephen’s family.

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Women of Resistance: Poems for a New Feminism – Danielle Barnhart & Iris Mahan (editors)

Dear Women of Resistance: Poems for a New Feminism,

It’s not you. It’s me. I tried to appreciate you for what you were but came to realise that you and I were simply not compatible. Not wanting to give up before giving us a chance I read you from cover to cover. I’ll admit that some sparks ignited here and there when I read passages such as:

“When a woman tells the truth, she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.”

Danielle Barnhart and Iris Mahan – from the Introduction

“From ashes rising, from rubble resounding, these bodies are borne and forged indestructible by the fires of demolition.”

from the Editor’s Note

Although I loved your cover and the diversity you showed in the awesome illustrations of women, I’m afraid we weren’t meant to be. You’re not what I’m looking for in poetry and that’s not your fault. You are what you are and I’m not asking you to change for me.

You remain true to yourself and there will be plenty of readers who will love you for it. The many voices within you have the potential to change perspectives and lives with their words. Reach out and take hold of those who will appreciate you for who you are.

Your anger, political in nature and righteous, made me want to draw away rather than step closer. I respect your anger. You’ve earned it and have the right to voice it. Maybe you can’t see the possibility of light in the distance and in the circumstances that’s understandable.

However I need to be able to see, even if only in my imagination, that there is a light shining brightly and that it is possible for us to reach. The promise of the light is what motivates me to keep moving and striving for change. For others having what’s wrong with this picture placed in front of them is what they need to search for the pieces that will make the wrong right.

Let’s face it; what we’ve done in the past hasn’t worked out so well for us. Regardless of how it happens our goal is the same. We’re just on different paths to the same destination. I have to believe we will make it to the light of our destination.

I wish you many inspired people who will take up the mantle with you and accompany you on your path towards change.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and OR Books for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

A collection with a feminist ethos that cuts across race, gender identity, and sexuality.

Creative activists have reacted to the 2016 Presidential election in myriad ways. Editors Danielle Barnhart and Iris Mahan have drawn on their profound knowledge of the poetry scene to put together an extraordinary list of poets taking a feminist stance against the new authority. What began as an informal collaboration of like-minded poets – to be released as a hand bound chapbook – has grown into something far more substantial and ambitious: a fully fledged anthology of women’s resistance, with proceeds supporting Planned Parenthood and the Center for Reproductive Rights.

Representing the complexity and diversity of contemporary womanhood and bolstering the fight against racism, sexism, and violence, this collection unites powerful new writers, performers, and activists with established poets. Contributors include Elizabeth Acevedo, Sandra Beasley, Jericho Brown, Mahogany L. Browne, Danielle Chapman, Tyehimba Jess, Kimberly Johnson, Jacqueline Jones LaMon, Maureen N. McLane, Joyce Peseroff, Mary Ruefle, Trish Salah, Patricia Smith, Anne Waldman, and Rachel Zucker.

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Ninja Kid #1: From Nerd to Ninja! – Anh Do

Illustrations – Jeremy Ley

Anh Do can do no wrong in my eyes! I love both his WeirDo and Hot Dog! series, and his new series, Ninja Kid, is even more fun. Nelson Kane is a nerd. He lives on a junkyard with his Mum, Grandma Pat and cousin Kenny.

His Mum works as a cleaner because the junkyard isn’t doing that well and given the amount of food cousin Kenny can put away in his ultra skinny frame, he’s probably eating for five. Nelson’s Dad was a fisherman who sadly was lost at sea.

Grandma Pat is one of the coolest grannies around. She’s an inventor whose inventions work really well – sometimes. It’s handy that this grannie lives in a junkyard because all of this random stuff, including the kitchen sink, is at her disposal when she’s in invention mode, which seems to be all the time.

She looks to me like a caricature of actress Linda Hunt. She’s the school principal who at 1.45m (4’ 9”) stands up to Arnie with her, “I’m watching you!” in Kindergarten Cop. I love that movie! You may know her from something slightly more recent, like NCIS: Los Angeles.

Anyway, imagine a mad scientist grannie with a lab coat, fluffy bunny slippers, a tooth (yes, just the one that I saw), hair up in a messy bun with a wrench poking out in one spot and a critter that may well be the Loch Ness Monster poking out somewhere else. I’m sure Nessie will be identified in some later book as a mouse or something to that effect, but until it’s identified I want it to be Nessie.

So, nerdy Nelson wakes up on his tenth birthday to a spider perched on his nose. He proceeds to jump/fall out of bed and instead of falling flat on his face like he usually would, he does some impressive acrobatics and lands on his feet. 🤔 Then he realises he no longer needs his glasses as he can see perfectly without them. 🤔🤔

As luck would have it today is the day he finds out he’s a ninja, likely the only one on the planet, and that’s going to come with some responsibility. But, shh! Don’t tell anyone because it’s a secret right now! 🤫

Before this book is over you’ll encounter a bully, plenty of bananas, more bug spray than you’ve likely ever seen and a giant thong. Oh, for those of you wondering what a thong is doing in a kid’s book, in Australia thongs are what you call flip flops, not what you were thinking of.

Jeremy Ley’s illustrations are so, so brilliant! The cover image gives you a preview of what’s to come. There are pictures on most pages and they’re simply awesome! The story comes alive in them and their humour mirrors that of the story. I don’t know how much interaction authors and illustrators have but these guys are on the same page in this book (in all possible ways).

As usual Anh Do’s writing has funny bits suitable for kids and adults, the family has interesting quirks, the story hooks you straight away and you finish the book wishing you had the next one beside you to start reading immediately.

Reader Beware: You will encounter a cliffhanger. While technically you could finish this book and be done you won’t want to be. If Anh’s other series are anything to go by there won’t be a dud among them and I can’t wait for the next one!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Nelson is a nerd! Unfit, uncool … totally awkward! But when he wakes up on his tenth birthday, he discovers he is a NINJA! THE LAST NINJA ON EARTH! How is he going to save the world when he cannot even get his undies on the right way?! With the help of Grandmas inventions and his wild cousin Kenny, can Nelson master his new ninja skills AND save Duck Creek?

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Grug Learns to Cook – Ted Prior

🥧 Happy Pi Day!! 🥧

To get into the spirit I went through my stack of Grug and Clifford books to see which one would be most suitable for Mum today. I came across Grug Learns to Cook and thought there was a chance Grug would learn to cook pie 🥧 so went with that one.

Grug tries three recipes from his Bush Food Cookbook: tea-tree soup, gum-leaf rolls and carrot cake. So no pie, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

It turns out Grug is as good at cooking as I am and he likes to sample cake batter too. Grug gets an ‘A’ for effort. The results? 🤔

Well, besides the batter splatter which results in my favourite illustration, Grug does wind up with some edible ingredients, if not edible cake. Which brings me to my favourite part:

”Grug baked the rest of the mixture, but it came out burnt and black. He put carrots on the top to make a carrot cake.”

In context and with the accompanying illustration this bit earned a giggle from me. I’m fairly confident that my culinary masterpieces were the inspiration behind Grug’s marvellous food creations in this book. At least Cara hadn’t been invited over for dinner. I’m not sure there would have been enough left at the end of the lesson to feed two.

You’ve got to give Grug credit. He’s always willing to try new things, he tries his best at everything and when things inevitably don’t go quite to plan he doesn’t get upset. He makes the best out of the situation, salvages what he can and goes to bed so he can be ready for his next adventure. I can’t wait to find another excuse to give Mum another Grug book soon! 😃

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Try some scrumptious gum-leaf rolls prepared by Grug! 

This classic Aussie hero is back from the bush to enchant a new generation of youngsters!

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