Author: Schizanthus Nerd

A Many Feathered Thing – Lisa Gerlits

I would have talked about the wings. His and mine and everybody’s.

In order to become tortured enough to consider herself to be a real artist Clara decides she needs to do hard things. She begins by doing the hardest thing she can imagine, talking to a stranger, Mr Vogelman, who is rumoured to collect teeth.

Knocking on Mr Vogelman’s door isn’t the only scary thing Clara needs to face. There’s a new girl in her class, her friendship with Orion (who she’s known her entire life) is changing and, possibly scariest of all, she needs to find her voice so she can deliver a presentation at school.

Drawing had saved me where my voice failed.

I had planned on reading this book sooner but put it off for several weeks. From the first sentence I knew that no matter what else I found in this book, an ugly cry was certain and I wasn’t in the right head space at the time. Now I’m on the other side of my ugly cry and I can say that although there were several times where it hurt to read this book, hope was also threaded through it.

I loved Clara’s best friend, Orion. His integrity and loyalty endeared him to me and I wanted to watch him as he focused on making things and worked on his intricate knots. I liked Clara most of the time but was anxious for her to pay more attention to other peoples’ struggles and be a better friend. I’d like to spend more time with Elise, the new girl in Clara’s class, who sometimes behaved as though she was much older than eleven.

“You’ve got to have something inside you that no one can take away”

Birdman, as we come to know Mr Vogelman as, teaches Clara about much more than art.

“Every effort is valuable. We must not rub out our failures. They are most important to our success.”

Although I managed to catch a few glimpses of his life outside of his friendship with Clara, I would have liked to have learned more about him. He had a complexity that I wanted to be explored further.

While I understood why this was the case, Frouke’s character felt two dimensional until very near the end of the story. Even now I’m not entirely sure what her relationship was to Birdman … Housekeeper? Friend?

At its heart this is a book about friendships and having the courage to face the hard things. It’s also about finding ways to connect with people, even if it’s through failed knock-knock jokes. It’s about tying knots and unravelling them. It’s about seeing, truly seeing, by looking deeper and continuing to look even when you think you’ve understood all there is to see. It’s about hope and love.

“Love is not one shape. It is not always a red heart. Sometimes it is a tree. Or a bird. Or a bicycle bell.”

I’m always drawn to books where children connect with and learn from older people. I’m especially keen when I get the opportunity to peek into the lives of the people who live in the neighbourhood’s scary house. You know the one. It’s the house that children avoid on Halloween. There are rumours about the horrors that may befall you if you wind up on the wrong side of the door. The outcasts, the recluses, the mysterious. Birdman is one of those people. I dare you not to fall in love with him.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Capstone Editions, an imprint of Capstone, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Eleven-year-old Clara is known as the girl who draws, but she’s not tortured enough to become a real artist. Her only suffering, besides embarrassment over her real name Clarity Kartoffel, German for Clarity Potato is a crippling inability to speak in public. When Clara and her oldest friend, Orion break their neighbor’s glass gazing ball, Clara decides that in order to suffer like a true artist, she will do every hard thing in her path … starting with knocking on scary old Mr. Vogelman’s door. That’s when she meets Birdman. That’s when she sees his swirling painting. And that’s when everything changes.

To pay for the broken glass ball, Clara begins working for Birdman in his atelier. He challenges her to throw away her eraser and draw what she sees, not what she wants to see. But as Clara discovers, seeing, really seeing is hard. Almost as difficult as befriending the new girl at school, or navigating awkward feelings for Orion or finding the courage to speak in front of the entire class. But little does Clara know, the biggest challenges are yet to come. To cope with tragedy, she will have to do more than be brave. As Birdman teaches her, she will have to bring the hope. 

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Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? – Caitlin Doughty

Illustrations – Dianné Ruz

We can’t make death fun, but we can make learning about death fun.

A book written by a funeral director, answering questions asked by kids, about death? This future corpse had to read this book! I now know the answers to over thirty death related questions, some I’ve always been curious about and others I didn’t know that I needed to know until I came across them here.

Can I keep my parents’ skulls after they die?

Will I poop when I die?

What would happen if you swallowed a bag of popcorn before you died and were cremated?

What if they make a mistake and bury me when I’m just in a coma?

Caitlin Doughty not only answers the question that’s asked but sometimes also adds an ‘if you were asking because of [insert interesting reason here], allow me to suggest an even cooler idea’ or offers solutions to multiple hypothetical tangents.

What’s left behind in the cremated remains is a thrilling combo of calcium phosphates, carbonates, and minerals and salts.

Bacteria farts, the rainbow of livor mortis and putrefaction, leakage and corpse onesies (unionalls) are all explained. I also learned some fun death question adjacent facts, such as the scientifically determined ideal temperature for popping popcorn – “356 degrees Fahrenheit”, if you’re interested.

Written in a conversational way, with some much needed humour given the topic, Caitlin combines her experiences with those of her colleagues and adds some science, cultural differences and some good ol’ myth busting. A couple of times small pieces of information would be repeated in later chapters; they were relevant each time they were mentioned and the repetition was often pointed out in the text. It was more noticeable to me because I inhaled the book.

Accompanying the text are some wonderful illustrations by Dianné Ruz. They’re quirky and add to the humour.

I enjoyed this read even more than I expected to and only wish I could have passed it along to my Nan, who I’m certain would have appreciated it even more than I did. Well, except for the chapter that debunks Viking funeral myths. See, my Nan was the coolest person I’ve ever met and her dream funeral consisted of being transported via a carriage pulled by a team of Clydesdales in the middle of the main street to the ocean, where she would be sent off Viking funeral style.

I approximated the Viking part by buying a wooden boat shaped candle holder, loading it up with some of her ashes, setting it alight and drenching myself trying to get it far enough into the ocean so it wouldn’t surf its ways back in.

I’m fairly certain Nan would have also been willing to donate her awesome manicured nails in aid of Ragnarök, should they be required.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Every day, funeral director Caitlin Doughty receives dozens of questions about death. What would happen to an astronaut’s body if it were pushed out of a space shuttle? Do people poop when they die? Can Grandma have a Viking funeral?

In Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?, Doughty blends her mortician’s knowledge of the body and the intriguing history behind common misconceptions about corpses to offer factual, hilarious, and candid answers to thirty-five distinctive questions posed by her youngest fans. In her inimitable voice, Doughty details lore and science of what happens to, and inside, our bodies after we die. Why do corpses groan? What causes bodies to turn colors during decomposition? And why do hair and nails appear longer after death? Readers will learn the best soil for mummifying your body, whether you can preserve your best friend’s skull as a keepsake, and what happens when you die on a plane. Beautifully illustrated by Dianné Ruz, Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? shows us that death is science and art, and only by asking questions can we begin to embrace it. 

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Girls of Paper and Fire #2: Girls of Storm and Shadow – Natasha Ngan

Wren and I might not be Paper Girls anymore, but we are still capable of creating fire. And now we have a whole world to set ablaze.

It’s been a couple of weeks since Lei and Wren faced off against the Demon King. Now fugitives, they are regrouping and strategising for the upcoming war, part of a disparate group consisting of both familiar and new faces. New alliances will be formed and trust will be broken as sides are chosen.

Hindered by secrets, distrust and the enormity of the task before her but determined to prevail, Lei begins training with Shifu Caen. Wren and Hiro, a shaman boy, are working together to protect the group with magic. Bo and Nitta, leopard demon siblings, add some levity to their dire situation. Bo in particular enjoys tormenting Merrin, an owl-form demon.

I know that sometimes the combination least expected can forge the strongest bonds.

I often have trouble with sequels and it took a while for me to get into this book, which surprised me given how much I loved Girls of Paper and Fire. I think part of my problem was the time initially spent travelling. I’m a bit of an ‘are we there yet?’ reader, anxious to get to the next location so I can meet new characters and enjoy the action. I only started to get into the story once the group made it to the White Wing Clan.

There are still some characters I love and those I breathed a sigh of relief over when I learned they had survived the events of the first book. Similarly, characters I loved to hate in the first book haven’t endeared themselves to me yet. At least one person I adored in the first book disappointed me greatly with their actions in this one, so much so that I’m not entirely sure who I want to win the war at this point. I experienced the same disconnect I felt in the first book between what I thought I should be feeling and what I actually felt when events impacted characters I liked, and I’m still not sure why.

Most of the story is told from Lei’s perspective, although there’s also a chapter each focusing on Naja, Aoki, Kenzo and Mistress Azami. The trauma impacts relating to what the Paper Girls were subjected to in the first book are explored in this one. Although it’s not mentioned by name it was clear to me that these experiences have resulted in PTSD, as evidence by nightmares, flashbacks, startle responses and the coping mechanisms used to manage their distress.

Not even death could take away the scars he left upon me, imprinted deep, the way history carves its marks into the very bedrock of a kingdom, forever to shape and influence its future.

The impacts of this trauma felt authentic to me and I particularly appreciated that they were present throughout the book. There is no magical recovery and the past comes back to haunt them at inconvenient and unexpected times, just like it does when it happens off the page. I loved that the characters still managed to accomplish some extraordinary feats despite their pain, which both highlighted their resilience and gave me hope. There is life after trauma but it doesn’t look the same as it did pre-trauma.

This is a language I understand. A language of pain and horror that I, too, have learned. That too many girls have had to learn.

I have a bunch of unanswered questions that I really hope will be answered in Girls of Fate and Fury. Some of my questions are spoilery so I won’t mention those but I still need to know what the deal is with Lei’s eyes and more about shamans. At this point it looks like there are two main sides in the war to come but I’m hoping against hope that a third side will emerge as I’m not sure I’ll be entirely satisfied if either of the two I currently know about succeed. The bloodshed is revealing aspects of certain characters that make it harder to like them. I’m not sure who is going to be able to live with the person they have to become in order to survive.

“It’s the fact that it isn’t easy, that we have to constantly work and work at it, make ourselves believe in our own strength even when it feels like we’re worth nothing, have nothing, can do nothing … that’s power. That’s resilience” …

“There is nothing stronger than people who endure the worst hardships in the world, and still raise their fists at the start of a new day to fight all over again.”

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

In this mesmerizing sequel to the New York Times bestselling Girls of Paper and Fire, Lei and Wren have escaped their oppressive lives in the Hidden Palace, but soon learn that freedom comes with a terrible cost.

Lei, the naive country girl who became a royal courtesan, is now known as the Moonchosen, the commoner who managed to do what no one else could. But slaying the cruel Demon King wasn’t the end of the plan – it’s just the beginning. Now Lei and her warrior love Wren must travel the kingdom to gain support from the far-flung rebel clans. The journey is made even more treacherous thanks to a heavy bounty on Lei’s head, as well as insidious doubts that threaten to tear Lei and Wren apart from within.

Meanwhile, an evil plot to eliminate the rebel uprising is taking shape, fueled by dark magic and vengeance. Will Lei succeed in her quest to overthrow the monarchy and protect her love for Wren, or will she fall victim to the sinister magic that seeks to destroy her?

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Red Sky at Night – Elly MacKay

Red sky at night, sailor’s delight.

Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning!

I grew up knowing these by heart but it turns out there are plenty of weather sayings that have bypassed me entirely. The text in this children’s book is made up of some well known and some more obscure weather sayings, with some information about how accurate they are included at the end.

It’s only when you look at the illustrations that you learn the book’s story. A grandfather takes his grandchildren out on a boat. They fish, swim and camp overnight before returning home just before a storm.

My two favourite illustrations feature an owl

and a whale.

As I read this book I imagined the grandfather paying attention to the weather and explaining the saying that matched each weather condition to his grandkids. I know I think of my grandfather and smile whenever someone mentions the sayings associated with sailors.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Tundra Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House Canada, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. And, the next morning, when the dew is on the grass, no rain will come to pass. These are the perfect conditions for a grandfather to take his grandchildren out on a fishing trip. Especially since, as the saying goes, when the wind is from the West, then the fishes bite the best. The family takes a boat out on the lake, fishing and swimming and eventually camping out on a nearby island, taking full advantage of the gorgeous weather. But the next day … red sky in the morning, sailors take warning! The family ventures back home just in time to avoid a rainstorm. But not to worry – the more rain, the more rest. Fair weather’s not always best.

Acclaimed paper artist Elly MacKay illustrates a lovely family narrative through the use of weather aphorisms, creating a beautiful and informational story which will appeal to children’s timeless fascination with the natural world.

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Phoebe and Her Unicorn #11: Camping with Unicorns – Dana Simpson

It’s time to hang out with Marigold Heavenly Nostrils’ favourite unicorn (herself, of course!) and her human, Phoebe.

Once again it’s summer vacation and there’s so much to do, once Phoebe winds down from school.

Phoebe attempts to teacher Marigold how to lie.

Max and Phoebe play hide and seek, and Phoebe and Marigold play some games where everyone wins. Well, sometimes. Meanwhile Dakota is enjoying all of the perks of being a goblin princess, from the the tiara to the luxury of being transported upon her “throne thingy”, complete with cup holders.

After spending so long being frenemies, Phoebe and Dakota decide it’s time to reboot their friendship. I wholeheartedly approve of this development because it means more Dakota! I love Dakota!

Phoebe and Max’s families go camping together. When they’re not roasting marshmallows around the campfire or attracting the local wildlife,

Phoebe, Max and Marigold enjoy nature (and meet a unicorn who is roughing it).

I learned that unicorns look even more adorable when they’re wearing swimsuits and discovered why schools are much more interesting during summer vacation. I tagged along with Marigold as she entertained herself while Phoebe was at school and decided Marigold’s favourite magical loophole is now one of my own favourites. Phoebe’s own loophole was a familiar one.

When I realised this collection would mostly take place during summer vacation I expected to see a rehash of previous summers with Phoebe and Marigold. I’m not sure if it’s just because I needed a unicorn fix but this collection felt really fresh. New characters were introduced and I learned something new about some I’ve known since the first collection.

I hope I don’t have to wait too long for my next magical unicorn fix. I’ll definitely be rereading this collection and most likely revisiting some earlier ones in the meantime.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for the opportunity to read this graphic novel.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Life is never boring when your best friend is a unicorn! The latest installment in this bestselling series is full of mischief, magic and adventure — as well as an important reminder to always stay true to yourself.

School’s out, so Phoebe and her unicorn best friend, Marigold Heavenly Nostrils, have the entire summer to play games, visit the pool, and even go camping. Unicorn horns are excellent utensils for roasting things over the campfire, too, even if Marigold prefers toasted apples to s’mores. While exploring in the woods, Phoebe and friends meet a unicorn named Alabaster, who uses a special video game console that’s powered by plants. Throughout her summer adventures, Phoebe learns that being cool isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and that it’s much better to be your true self. It’s all part of the unforgettable experience of Camping with Unicorns. 

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Arachnosaur – Richard Jeffries

DNF @ 29%

quelling the urge to write B+ on her spine in lipstick.

I’m sorry. What???

I was interested in this book because of the arachnosaurs! I thought this would be a lot of fun. However, I have zero interest in getting to know this misogynist sidekick loser.

Thank you to NetGalley and Lyrical Undergound, an imprint of Kensington Books, for the opportunity to read this book.

Once Upon a Blurb

After his superior officers are killed in action, Corporal Josiah Key assumes command of the 3rd Battalion, Marine Raiders. In the tiny village of Shabhut, Yemen, while trying to put the blast on ISIS forces, an even deadlier enemy emerges: ancient, unreasoning creatures who tear into both U.S. troops and terrorists without mercy, leaving brutally dismembered corpses in their wake.

They are known as the Idmonarchne Brasieri, giant prehistoric spiders roused from millennia-long slumber by power-mad terrorists. These aptly-named ‘Arachnosaurs’ are hungry. They’re angry. And they have declared war against all of humanity … whose days might just be numbered unless Key and his unit can stop them.

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The Blood Race #0.5: Anomaly – K.A. Emmon

“You don’t have to be defined by what’s happened.”

Ion Jacobs has spent his entire life bouncing from one foster home to the next. He doesn’t know who his family are and what he does know of his history only confirms his belief that he’s a nobody.

Now fourteen, Ion has been living with the Reeves for three months. Mike and Ava have a seven year old daughter, Rachel. Mike’s son, Michael, who is in Ion’s class, also lives with them. Rounding out the family is Rachel’s terrier, Gabe.

Ion has always been different but having had to move around so frequently from home to home and school to school could easily explain that. Until now. Things are changing for Ion in ways that he doesn’t understand. Strange things have begun to happen around him, unexplainable things like objects floating in the air and increased strength.

“But I’d just been so afraid that he would just push me away too if he knew the truth about me.”

Perhaps it was more noticeable because it was a quick read but there seemed to be too much of a reliance on similes and repetition. Most of the conversations flowed well but every so often Ion didn’t sound like he was fourteen; the one that stood out the most to me was when he answered “Incrementally …” when he was asked if he was feeling better.

Although the blurb was what initially piqued my interest in this book I wish (in retrospect) that it hadn’t given away so much of the story. I reread the blurb when I was two thirds of the way through the book and realised it was very close to being a summary of what had happened in the book until then.

“Ion, there’s something so different about you.” Her voice came out soft and a little sad. “Don’t ever lose that – don’t ever be like the rest of us.”

This story is a prequel to an already existing trilogy and among the early reviewers it appears I’m one of the outliers, as this is my first read by this author. It has set the scene and raised a number of unanswered questions. I enjoyed this book, even though I found it fairly predictable, and am interested in reading the first book of the trilogy.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and the author for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

14-year-old Ion Jacobs just wants to belong to a family and feel normal. But his past is a mystery, his future is a question, and his whole life is about to change.

Tossed from one foster home to another and shadowed by his mysterious past, Ion fears he’ll never fit in — until one day, when he drops a pencil and instead of falling to the floor … it floats.

Shocked and bewildered, Ion searches deeper and discovers an undeniable truth about himself: he possesses extraordinary powers beyond his control. Healing injuries, levitating objects, and superhuman strength come as easy to him as breathing. Now Ion only has one goal: make sure no one finds out what he’s capable of.

Struggling to keep his newfound abilities a secret, Ion finds himself more isolated than ever — until he meets a mysterious stranger in the woods who seems to understand Ion better than anyone else. As tensions rise at home with his new foster family, Ion finds it harder and harder to control his powers. And when he accidentally sparks a fire that nearly destroys their home, Ion is forced to face the reality of his situation: not only is he capable of healing — he’s also capable of fatal destruction.

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Help Wanted, Must Love Books – Janet Sumner Johnson

Illustrations – Courtney Dawson

Shailey loves reading bedtime stories with her father but since he started his new job he’s been too busy.

Shailey’s solution?

Fire her father and advertise for a new bedtime storyteller.

A host of fairytale characters apply for the job but none of them are quite right. Shailey begins to wonder if she’ll ever be able to find a suitable replacement for her father.

Some of my fondest childhood memories include trips to my local library to find new treasures. I always love books about books! I appreciated the inclusion of fairytale characters as it was a reminder that books are always there for you, even when you feel like you’re alone.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Capstone Editions for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

When Shailey’s dad gets a new job, she loses her bedtime reading partner. She immediately starts interviews to fill the position and is thrilled when her favourite fairy tale characters line up to apply. But Sleeping Beauty can’t stay awake, the Gingerbread Man steals her book, and Snow White brings her whole team. Shailey is running out of options. Is bedtime ruined forever? 

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Adventures on Trains #1: The Highland Falcon Thief – M.G. Leonard & Sam Sedgman

Illustrations – Elisa Paganelli

All aboard!

Uncle Nat is a travel writer who loves trains and is thrilled to be a passenger on the Highland Falcon’s final journey. It’s the summer holiday and Hal is not looking forward to spending four whole days on board a train with his weird uncle.

‘I don’t like trains. They’re boring.’

Hal isn’t bored for long as it turns out there’s a jewel thief on board and he’s quickly caught up in the action.

‘Often the best place to hide something is in full view.’

On board the Highland Falcon and potential suspects are:

🚂 Harrison (Hal) Beck – 11, enjoys drawing
🚂 Nathaniel (Nat) Bradshaw – Hal’s mother’s older brother, a travel writer
🚂 Sierra Knight – a film star who is friends with the princess
🚂 Lucy Meadows – Sierra’s personal assistant
🚂 Countess of Arundel, Lady Elizabeth Lansbury – onboard with her dogs (Trafalgar, Viking, Shannon, Fitzroy and Bailey), her husband recently died
🚂 Rowan Buck – the Countess’ gentleman-in-waiting/dog handler
🚂 Ernest White – was the head steward on the royal train for 47 years, allergic to dogs
🚂 Baron Wolfgang Essenbach – friend of the prince
🚂 Milo Essenbach – the Baron’s youngest son
🚂 Steven Pickle – reality TV star, entrepreneur, runs a train company called Grailax
🚂 Lydia Pickle – Steven’s wife
🚂 Isaac Adebayo – the royal photographer
🚂 The prince and princess

🚂 Marlene (Lenny) Singh – 11, the train driver’s daughter
🚂 Mohanjit Singh – train driver, Lenny’s father
🚂 Gordon Goulde – head steward on the royal train
🚂 Graham – train guard
🚂 Amy – waitress
🚂 Joel Bray – fireman
🚂 Daniel and Kerry – the night shift.

Lenny, with her enthusiasm and tool belt, was always going to be my favourite character, especially when she was described (with a smile) as “the most disobedient girl ever to be born”. The surprise stand out for me was Uncle Nat, who turned out to be a lot more fun than I expected him to be. From his six watches, because “It’s good to remember that there are other places on the planet, filled with wonderful people”, to his love for trains, Nat is the person I’m most looking forward to spending more time with as the series progresses.

‘This will be a journey you’ll remember for the rest of your life.’

With a mystery unfolding and a group of mostly rich people with various agendas on board, this was a fun adventure. Train enthusiasts will enjoy the information about how steam trains operate and detectives in training will have their work cut out for them separating the red herrings from the clues, which are found in the text and in Elisa Paganelli’s illustrations. The details in the illustrations matched the text most of the time.

I was personally upset by how the dogs were treated at various times during the story, especially when a dog was kicked, but was relieved to know the dogs all went on to live happily ever after.

I’ll definitely be on board for Hal and Uncle Nat’s next adventure.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Macmillan Children’s Books, an imprint of Pan Macmillan UK, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Harrison Beck is reluctantly joining his travel-writer Uncle Nat for the last journey of the royal train, The Highland Falcon. But as the train makes its way to Scotland, a priceless brooch goes missing, and things suddenly get a lot more interesting. As suspicions and accusations run high among the passengers, Harrison begins to investigate and uncovers a few surprises along the way. Can he solve the mystery of the jewel thief and catch the culprit before they reach the end of the line?

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This is How I Will Strangle You – Gideon Haigh

While many subjects that were once taboo are now openly discussed, incest is not one of them. It’s something that’s so difficult to even wrap your head around, so reading about it is never going to be easy.

Natasa, the eldest child of Peter and Ruby, endured horrific abuse by both of her parents. Growing up in Australia in the 1970’s, Natasa was failed by all of the adults in her life. Her story is a prime example of how people and institutions that could and should have protected an already vulnerable girl from further abuse failed. Miserably. Countless times. From a Case Closure Summary:

There are at least nine agencies that I know of that have been involved with this family over the past four or five years, none have made any real progress with the family.

So many of these agencies were aware of the physical and sexual abuse Natasa was experiencing, or at the very least suspected it was the case, but failed to intervene.

Natasa’s story is graphic and disturbing, reminding me in many ways of Dave Pelzer’s recollections of his childhood. While there’s a part of me that hopes child protection practices have come so far since the 1970’s that Natasa’s story could never happen again, there’s the other part that knows Natasa is not alone, that there are other Natasa’s experiencing the unthinkable right now.

Originally included in an edition of Griffith Review, Natasa’s story is expanded here and includes letters, reports, emails, photographs and excerpts of Natasa’s own written recollections. The author has also included quotes from professionals in the fields of criminology and medicine, as well as theories by social scientists and psychiatrists. Effects of incest, such as retrospective blame and isolation of affect, are also explained.

Given there were almost 2000 pages of documents collated from medical, therapeutic and legal records, the final word count felt too limited. While I felt like a voyeur reading the graphic details of some of Natasa’s most painful memories there were other aspects of her life that were barely touched upon.

Her experiences at school were something I wish had been given more page time; if I was a teacher I’d definitely want to learn about any behavioural red flags I wasn’t already aware of. I was also interested in learning more about the dynamics between Natasa and her siblings, and how she has managed the long term effects of trauma.

I’m really hesitant to recommend this book to anyone in particular because of the potential for its content to bring up any relevant trauma in readers. If you have experienced any of the abuse detailed in this book please be safe while reading and make sure you have access to support if you need it.

I have no right to rate someone’s experiences so this rating is solely based on the way the book was written.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

‘I’m just a prisoner of my past. I don’t want to be a prisoner any more.’ Natasa Christidou’s earliest memory is of her father masturbating over her childhood bed. She was two. It was the start of a lifetime’s physical abuse and psychological torture, which included long phases of sex slavery and sex work, institutional neglect and brutal imprisonment.

Aged fifty, Natasa decided to tell her story. Gideon Haigh listened. The result is a compelling work of investigation andreportage of the silent crime of incest – usually so confronting, so taboo, that we prefer to lookaway, because of the social sanctity of ‘the family’.

Today, Natasa lives in a tiny unit in Morwell. She is agoraphobic, vision and hearing impaired, stricken with incontinence, insomnia, panic attacks and back pain as a result of her experiences. Only with the help of a dedicated group of care workers, counsellors and lawyers has she made it so far. She is also a warm, gentle and funny woman whose survival testifies to the resilience of the human spirit.

This Is How I Will Strangle You takes the reader behind the headlines and hysteria around child sex abuse, and reinforces an uncomfortable truth: that women and children are sometimes safer on the street than in their own homes. 

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