Tag: 5 stars

Girls Made of Snow and Glass – Melissa Bashardoust

“This is what you were meant for.”

This book surprised me in the best way possible. I’m not usually interested in reading retellings [I know. Unpopular opinion. Boo! Hiss!]. I’m always searching for something new and have always thought that if a story has already been written, especially if it’s known around the world, then there’s not much point in telling it again. I may need to rethink this prejudice after loving this character driven book so much.

I may be getting into semantics here but I see this story as more of a reimagining than a retelling. Sure, you have some elements from Snow White. There’s the stepmother, stepdaughter, doting father, huntsman, even a mirror. Not an apple, but there is a peach, even if it’s not there for the reason you’re expecting. Then there’s the so much more, and that’s what captivated me.

If they love you for anything, it will be for your beauty.

Whenever a story is told from various perspectives I usually have a favourite, someone I wish had more page time, or even all of the page time. Not the case here. I fiercely loved both Mina and Lynet. Mina, the stepmother, has a glass heart and thinks she’s broken. Told from an early age that she’s incapable of giving or receiving love, she seeks a substitute through power. Lynet, the stepdaughter, is a warm and loving girl who is made of snow, but she seeks freedom and an identity separate from the mother she never knew.

The supporting cast are just as interesting. King Nicholas’ grief is all-encompassing; the result is a distorted facsimile of love that I found exceedingly creepy. Meanwhile Gregory, Mina’s father, is a psychopath who I was eager to see dispatched of in increasingly painful, drawn out deaths. Outside of the two main characters my favourite was Felix, quite possibly the most human of them all. I wanted more time getting to know Nadia, a surgeon whose own backstory warranted more exploration.

One day they would both start to see each other differently, and Mina couldn’t imagine how they could become anything but enemies on that day.

I loved the complexity of the relationship between Mina and Lynet. The bond between mothers and daughters is complicated here by the story’s fathers. Circumstances could have easily cast either of these women in the role of villain, their lives dictated by the past and those who would gain from their mutual hatred.

I always have such an appreciation for stories that cause me to reflect on my own life, in particular my choices and my character. Having the courage to step out of the shadows of the past to write our own future is something I can empathise with. I also thought a lot about how we can simultaneously want to push people away and have them love us when we feel unlovable.

If she shone brightly enough on the outside, could she blind everyone to what lay underneath?

Also, there’s magic in this book and it is wonderful!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Hodder & Stoughton for the opportunity to love this book. I can’t wait to read Girl, Serpent, Thorn!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Sixteen-year-old Mina is motherless, her magician father is vicious, and her silent heart has never beat with love for anyone. In fact, it has never beat at all, for her father cut it out and replaced it with one of glass. When she moves to Whitespring Castle, Mina forms a plan: win the king’s heart with her beauty, become queen, and finally know love. The only catch is that she’ll have to become a stepmother.

Fifteen-year-old Lynet looks just like her late mother, and one day she discovers why: a magician created her out of snow in the dead queen’s image. Lynet would rather be like her fierce and regal stepmother, Mina, but when her father makes her queen of the southern territories, Mina starts to look at Lynet with something like hatred, and Lynet must decide what to do – and who to be – in order to win back the only mother she’s ever known … or else defeat her once and for all.

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Glow in the Dark: Nature's Light Spectacular – Katy Flint

Illustrations – Cornelia Li

When I discovered my first glow in the dark item as a kid I was in awe. Unlike many other things from childhood, this wonder remains. Naturally I was keen to get my hands on a book that features glow in the dark illustrations.

Katy Flint has taken some of the most interesting light shows the world has to offer and explained how, why and where they happen. I found the explanations easy to understand and enjoyed the additional facts, especially those that mentioned what people thought was happening before science finally made sense of them.

In this book you will learn about:

☄️🚿 Meteor showers
☀️ Solar eclipse
🌈🌈 Double rainbows
🌋⚡️ Volcanic lightning
💡 The polar lights
🌝 Super blood moon
🔥 Firefall
❄️ Light pillars
🌞🐶 Sundogs
🐛 Glowworm caves
🌄 Brocken spectre.

While some of these phenomena can be seen worldwide if the conditions are right, others are location specific. My favourite facts were:

A double rainbow is where two arcs can be seen in the sky at once. The second rainbow’s colors are paler, and in the opposite order to the first: violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red.

The auroras have confused many people throughout history. Vikings thought they were caused by the shining weapons of immortal warriors.

I really enjoyed Cornelia Li’s illustrations. Because of my fascination with bioluminescence, my favourite illustration was of a glowworm cave in New Zealand.

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The illustration that I’m most looking forward to seeing glow is the polar lights.

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Thank you so much to NetGalley and Quarto Publishing Group – Wide Eyed Editions for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Lightning! Rainbows! Auroras! Discover Earth’s most amazing natural phenomena in this adventure around the globe, including a glow-in-the-dark poster. 

Follow two intrepid explorers as they witness the Northern Lights, marvel in wonder at glow worm caves, go hunting for double rainbows, and dodge volcanic lightning. A perfect book for young explorers. Turn off the light to see the   640 × 296 mm  tear-out poster glow, featuring the stages of a solar eclipse.  (Be sure to charge it in the light first.) 

Each spread features an enchanting illustration of a different natural phenomenon  animated by a description of the science behind it, told in exciting prose.  Fact boxes call out more information.  

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The Perfect Birthday Recipe – Katy Hudson

I absolutely fell in love with A Loud Winter’s Nap and The Golden Acorn, and I have read this one so many times now that I’ve lost count. Some of the most adorable children’s book illustrations I’ve come across are from this series. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even care what a Katy Hudson story is about anymore; I need it in my life regardless.

Beaver is a perfectionist. His latest project, which he’s been planning very carefully, is a birthday cake. Not content with anything less, this will be a “PERFECT birthday cake”. Beaver’s friends, Tortoise, Rabbit, Bird and Squirrel, decide to help. Only they don’t have Beaver’s attention to detail.

Rather than the perfect layers of sugary goodness Beaver had imagined, his friends’ help has instead resulted in layers of panic, frustration and ultimately a perfectly dramatic temper tantrum for Beaver. Beaver finally decides that if you want something done right you have to do it yourself but ultimately discovers it’s a perfectly lonely way to celebrate a birthday if you have alienated all of your friends.

I understand Beaver’s perfectionism, possibly too well. After spending so long reading and rereading this book, and agonising over finding the perfect words to include in this review, my advanced copy of this book has morphed into an ‘oops, this book has now been published’. Apparently I still need to read this book a few more times.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Capstone Editions for the opportunity to read this book. Now all I need to do is find a copy of Too Many Carrots and I’ll have a go to book for every season. I wish there was a fifth season so I could look forward to another book in this series.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Summer birthdays can be lonely, but not when you have great friends like Beavers! This year Tortoise, Bird, Rabbit, and Squirrel insist on baking Beaver’s birthday cake, but Beaver isn’t so sure. He is the ultimate perfectionist and would rather do it himself, following the recipe exactly. Will Beaver’s nitpicky ways ruin his birthday and his friendships?

The Perfect Birthday Recipe is the fourth and final story in Katy Hudson’s best-selling set of seasonal picture books, including Too Many Carrots, A Loud Winter’s Nap, and The Golden Acorn.

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Phoebe and Her Unicorn #11: Camping with Unicorns – Dana Simpson

It’s time to hang out with Marigold Heavenly Nostrils’ favourite unicorn (herself, of course!) and her human, Phoebe.

Once again it’s summer vacation and there’s so much to do, once Phoebe winds down from school.

Phoebe attempts to teacher Marigold how to lie.

Max and Phoebe play hide and seek, and Phoebe and Marigold play some games where everyone wins. Well, sometimes. Meanwhile Dakota is enjoying all of the perks of being a goblin princess, from the the tiara to the luxury of being transported upon her “throne thingy”, complete with cup holders.

After spending so long being frenemies, Phoebe and Dakota decide it’s time to reboot their friendship. I wholeheartedly approve of this development because it means more Dakota! I love Dakota!

Phoebe and Max’s families go camping together. When they’re not roasting marshmallows around the campfire or attracting the local wildlife,

Phoebe, Max and Marigold enjoy nature (and meet a unicorn who is roughing it).

I learned that unicorns look even more adorable when they’re wearing swimsuits and discovered why schools are much more interesting during summer vacation. I tagged along with Marigold as she entertained herself while Phoebe was at school and decided Marigold’s favourite magical loophole is now one of my own favourites. Phoebe’s own loophole was a familiar one.

When I realised this collection would mostly take place during summer vacation I expected to see a rehash of previous summers with Phoebe and Marigold. I’m not sure if it’s just because I needed a unicorn fix but this collection felt really fresh. New characters were introduced and I learned something new about some I’ve known since the first collection.

I hope I don’t have to wait too long for my next magical unicorn fix. I’ll definitely be rereading this collection and most likely revisiting some earlier ones in the meantime.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for the opportunity to read this graphic novel.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Life is never boring when your best friend is a unicorn! The latest installment in this bestselling series is full of mischief, magic and adventure — as well as an important reminder to always stay true to yourself.

School’s out, so Phoebe and her unicorn best friend, Marigold Heavenly Nostrils, have the entire summer to play games, visit the pool, and even go camping. Unicorn horns are excellent utensils for roasting things over the campfire, too, even if Marigold prefers toasted apples to s’mores. While exploring in the woods, Phoebe and friends meet a unicorn named Alabaster, who uses a special video game console that’s powered by plants. Throughout her summer adventures, Phoebe learns that being cool isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and that it’s much better to be your true self. It’s all part of the unforgettable experience of Camping with Unicorns. 

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You Let Me In – Camilla Bruce

‘Fiction is sometimes better than reality, don’t you think?’

Romance novelist Cassandra Tipp has been missing for a year and as per her Last Will and Testament, her considerable estate is to be shared by her niece and nephew. The only catch is, in order to make the claim, they need to go to Cassandra’s home and find the password hidden somewhere in the manuscript she left for them.

You’re standing in my study, holding this story in your hands – the last one I’ll ever tell.

In doing so they will learn about Cassandra’s life, from her early childhood onwards, and the versions of the truth that continue to haunt their family.

‘Maybe the past came back to haunt her. She has a history here’

The feedback on this book seems fairly divisive so far. You’ve got the ‘I loved this book!’ people on one side and the ‘What the hell did I just read?!’ people on the other. As I’ve come to expect, I’m a bit of an anomaly. My initial response to this book was ‘What the hell did I just read?! That was so good!’

It’s been over three weeks since I finished reading and I’ve spent plenty of time since then trying to figure out a way of talking about it without wandering into spoiler territory. I also haven’t been able to get Cassandra’s story out of my head.

And things weren’t quite as they seemed.

I’ve gone back and forth countless times, trying to decide one way or another what I truly believe and while that would usually frustrate me, here it has only added to my appreciation of the story. You could see it purely as the ramblings of an elderly woman with a history of unresolved trauma and inadequately treated mental illness. That’s what Dr. Martin, Cassandra’s psychiatrist, would say. And he did. In fact, he wrote an entire book about her.

Or you could believe in Pepper-Man’s existence and know in your heart that what Cassandra says is true.

I’m still not entirely sure exactly which parts of the story I attribute to mental illness and/or trauma and which I believe Pepper-Man is responsible for, but because this is a story I think I can get away with what I still consider cheating. I believe both to be true. How on earth can I hold that position?

I think there were certain traumatic events in Cassandra’s childhood that contributed to genuine mental illness. Whether she would have been mentally ill without these experiences, I cannot say for sure but I suspect she would have been, to a certain extent. I believe that these traumatic experiences caused her to need coping mechanisms and one of these was the creation of Pepper-Man. Now, this is where reality and book world diverge a little: in my heart I want to believe that Pepper-Man truly existed, that somehow this young girl’s trauma physically manifested a protector. An unconventional protector, sure, but a protector nonetheless.

‘Can’t both stories be true?’ I asked. ‘Why is it that only because one thing is true, the other thing is not? Why do we always have to decide?’

I’m definitely interested in learning what other readers believe and if the author ever answers this question in an interview and you don’t think I know of its existence, please, please send me the link.

I wanted someone to know, you see. To know my truth, now that I am gone. How everything and none of it happened.

I’m not usually a ‘Have you considered adding more pink?’ kind of person but definitely feel like an opportunity was missed when the covers were designed for this book. Cassandra, the main character, is an author whose books all feature pink covers so it would have been perfect if this book’s cover had been a creepy Pepper-Man design in various shades of pink. Usually when I buy a book I make sure I choose my favourite cover image, even if it costs more. Unfortunately I don’t have a favourite here.

‘She would have us believe she’s off with the faeries’

While you probably need to know upfront that this is a strange story and it may not be for you, I don’t want you to not attempt it at all. If you’re intrigued and want a sneak peek, you can currently download a digital preview of the first 34 pages here.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Bantam Press, an imprint of Transworld Publishers, Penguin Random House UK, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Everyone knew bestselling novelist Cassandra Tipp had twice got away with murder. 

Even her family were convinced of her guilt. 

So when she disappears, leaving only a long letter behind, they can but suspect that her conscience finally killed her. 

But the letter is not what anyone expected. It tells two chilling, darkly disturbing stories. One is a story of bloody nights and magical gifts, of children lost to the woods, of husbands made from twigs and leaves and feathers and bones …

The other is the story of a little girl who was cruelly treated and grew up crooked in the shadows …

But which story is true? And where is Cassie now?

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Where the World Turns Wild – Nicola Penfold

Spoilers Ahead!

Once upon a time, almost fifty years ago, climate change and deforestation and humans ransacking everything good and beautiful, had driven our planet to breaking point. Nature was dying – plants and trees, animals, birds, insects – new species disappeared every day. But then the ReWilders created the disease.

Juniper is thirteen and her brother, Bear, is six. They aren’t like the other kids in their school. They were born in the Wild and are immune to the disease the ReWilders created.

We came from the Wild and one day we’ll go back there.

I’m a sucker for stories that feature outcasts and these siblings are some of the most loveable outcasts I’ve ever met. Juniper’s love for her brother is fierce. It’s protective. It’s unconditional. It’s the kind of love that wraps you up and keeps you warm because you know that no matter what anyone else thinks about you, this one person will always be there for you.

Their grandmother, Annie Rose, is one of the last Plant Keepers in the city. I absolutely adored Annie Rose! My brain skyrocketed into Fahrenheit 451 level anxiety when I learned this city had banned books that are even tangentially related to nature. I loved Annie Rose even more when I found out she had not only hidden forbidden books in her home, but she’d also fed the Wild to her grandchildren through their pages.

“The books you read when you’re young, they become part of you.”

After spending some time shadowing Juniper and Bear as they navigated the grey of the city, entering the green of the Wild felt wondrous. As Juniper and Bear took in their new landscape, with its colours and textures and sounds, I felt like I was rediscovering my love of nature. I could feel them breathing in cleaner air and seeing animals they’d only ever known via forbidden books coming to life before their eyes.

My heart attached itself to Ghost from the first time I saw them. I’d love to tell you all about Ghost but don’t want to ruin anything for you. Keep a piece of your heart reserved for them though. They deserve it.

This book has been on my radar for months but for a long time I didn’t think this was the right book for me right now. Between the sheer number of climate change news articles I see daily and the fact that huge chunks of Australia have been burning for the past three months, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be spending my escape from reality time thinking about it as well.

It kept nagging at me though, every time I saw positive reviews piling up. It didn’t hurt that it’s published by Little Tiger Group, one of my favourite children and YA publishers. I’m so glad I finally couldn’t help myself because my initial reasons for hesitating were unfounded. Yes, this book does deal with some big issues. Yes, it’s scary because it’s not farfetched; this could become our world if we don’t make some serious changes to the way we treat the planet. But, yes, there’s also so much love and courage and hope infused in this book.

I knew from the blurb that Juniper and Bear would leave the city at some point, yet I still cried when they did, although I’m definitely not tearing up about it now as I’m writing this review. I also didn’t tear up another time later in the book and I most certainly didn’t notice any additional water in my eyes twice during the acknowledgements. That must have been someone else.

I loved the importance of names in this book. Because Juniper’s name related to the Wild and this was a serious no no in this highly controlled environment, she was called June instead when she was at school. The name of the city’s leader was well suited to their description. Although I didn’t even wonder about its name in the beginning, when I finally learned the origin of the name of the valley where Juniper and Bear were born it had such a lovely symmetry to it. I’m going to pay much more attention to the names of people and places during my inevitable reread.

I kept wondering if the reason given to people for Portia Steel’s absence was a cover up for her having succumbed to the disease herself, or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. I’m also wondering what became of Annie Rose, Ms Endo and Etienne, and hoping for the best.

Kate Forrester’s cover image was what initially drew me to this book but it’s only now that I’ve finished reading it that I can appreciate all of the details that they included. I’m seeing more of the story in its design the longer I look at it.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Stripes Publishing, an imprint of Little Tiger Group, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Juniper Greene lives in a walled city from which nature has been banished, following the outbreak of a deadly man-made disease many years earlier. While most people seem content to live in such a cage, she and her little brother Bear have always known about their resistance to the disease, and dream of escaping into the wild. To the one place humans have survived outside of cities. To where their mother is.

When scientists discover that the siblings provide the key to fighting the disease, the pair must flee for their lives. As they cross the barren Buffer Zone and journey into the unknown, Juniper and Bear can only guess at the dangers that lie ahead. Nature can be cruel as well as kind … Will they ever find the home they’ve been searching for?

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The Sisters Grimm – Menna van Praag

Every daughter is born of an element, infused with its own particular powers. Some are born of earth: fertile as soil, strong as stone, steady as the ancient oak. Others of fire: explosive as gunpowder, seductive as light, fierce as an unbound flame. Others of water: calm as a lake, relentless as a wave, unfathomable as an ocean. The Sisters Grimm are daughters of air, born of dreams and prayer, faith and imagination, bright-white wishing and black-edged desire.

Each girl in The Sisters Grimm represents an element and a fairytale character. Goldi (Goldilocks) is earth, Bea (Beauty) is air, Liyana (I read somewhere that she represents Snow White but I cannot confirm this) is water and Scarlet (Red Riding Hood) is fire. Some of the comparisons between the characters and their fairytale equivalent were more obvious than others. While the Grimm connections will likely add to the book’s appeal for a lot of readers I would have been equally invested in the story had this not been included.

Goldie, whose perspective is the only one told in first person, is the sole caregiver for Teddy, her ten year old brother. She cleans rooms at a fancy hotel, liberating items from its rich guests to help support him. Her boss is sleazy and she’s experienced significant trauma in her childhood.

I’ve been a thief for as long as I can remember, a liar too. I might even be a murderer, though you’ll have to make up your own mind about that.

Bea was raised in various foster homes while her mother was being treated at St Dymphna’s Psychiatric Hospital. Bea studies philosophy and feels most alive when she’s soaring through the air in a glider.

For nearly eighteen years her mother has encouraged her to act audaciously and, although Bea relishes nothing more than reckless behaviour, she’s damned if she’ll give her mother the satisfaction of knowing it.

Liyana (Ana) was on track to be an Olympian before an injury derailed her plans but she remains at home in the water. Ana and her mother moved to London from Ghana when she was a child. Ana is an artist. Her girlfriend, Kumiko, hasn’t met her aunt Nyasha yet.

At the sight of a blackbird Liyana feels that, ultimately, all is right with the world, no matter how hopeless it might seem at the time.

Scarlet lives with her grandmother, Esme, whose health is declining. Scarlet now runs the café owned by her family. She lost both her mother, Ruby, and her home a decade ago as a result of fire.

Strangely, Scarlet finds she wants to immerse her hand in the flame, wants to feel the scorch on her skin. She believes, impossibly, that the fire will be kind to her.

I saw myself in all of the girls to a certain extent and, although I’d never heard of this author prior to this book and they certainly couldn’t pick me out of a lineup, I am almost always awake at 3:33am so I’m claiming this part of the dedication as my own. I knew from the blurb that one of the four would not survive but I liked them all and hoped against hope that the blurb was faulty. It was not.

This book reminded me of two important bookish things:

  1. Why I should not pay too much attention to a book’s star ratings and reviews before I finish reading it myself, and
  2. Why I should always give a book a little more time after deciding it’s not for me.

I had really been looking forward to this book so when I saw some unflattering reviews I admit that I allowed them to dampen my enthusiasm and even shuffled my TBR pile, moving a couple up the queue, as the thought of needing to drag myself through so many pages was unappealing. As soon as I began reading I realised the error of my ways – until I began reading from Leo’s perspective. He’s a what? From where? Seriously?

My initial failure to connect with Leo’s character, along with my impatience with the multiple perspectives that changed so frequently I had trouble keeping up for a while, caused me to very nearly write this book off as a DNF. Each sister‘s story is told from two perspectives (now and a decade ago). There are also varying amounts of time dedicated to Leo, Nyasha, Esme and their father. Then there are descriptions of Everwhere.

It’s a nocturnal place, a place crafted from thoughts and dreams, hope and desire.

If you count the descriptions of Everwhere as a perspective, which I did, you wind up with a baker’s dozen.

Thankfully I persevered just a little bit longer than I had planned before abandoning the book altogether and I’m so glad I did because I wound up entirely sucked in to this world and these sisters’ lives. I even got used to the rapid changes in perspective, although I still think I’d benefit from a reread to pick up connections I likely missed the first time through. I think this is the first time a potential DNF has suddenly morphed into an I love this book! for me and I can’t wait to reread it, soaking up the enjoyment I obviously missed early on.

There’s always this childlike delight that wells up inside of me when I discover illustrations in a book I don’t expect to find them in. I absolutely fell in love with Alastair Meikle’s illustrations and had so much trouble choosing a favourite to share with you here. I’ve chosen the first one, mostly because it invokes the same sense of wonder every time I look at it.

Although I’m not usually interested in Tarot, the descriptions of the cards throughout the book made me want to send a wish to the book’s marketing team in the hope that they’ll commission a set of Tarot cards, illustrated by Alastair Meikle, that have a similar feel to the style used in the book.

The descriptions of Everwhere enchanted me so much I wanted to visit. I yearned to learn everything I could about each of the four sisters. I wondered what element and powers I would most want, if I had the ability to choose. I didn’t want this story to end and it wouldn’t surprise me if this book comes to mind when I think about my favourite reads of the year. I need to inhale more of this author’s words.

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of Sisters Grimm on Earth and in Everwhere. You may well be one of them, though you might never know it. You think you’re ordinary. You never suspect that you’re stronger than you seem, braver than you feel or greater than you imagine.

If anyone needs me I’ll be stalking the internet to see if I can buy a signed copy of this book. My bookcase desperately needs one!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Bantam Press, an imprint of Transworld Publishers, Penguin Random House UK, for the opportunity to read this book.

UPDATE: My day just got awesome! I found signed copies of this book at Goldsboro Books. I’ve ordered my copy and can’t wait for it to arrive. Happy book day to me!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of sisters Grimm on Earth.

You may well be one of them, though you might never know it. 

You think you’re ordinary. 

You never suspect that you’re stronger than you seem, braver than you feel or greater than you imagine. 

But I hope that by the time you finish this tale, you’ll start listening to the whispers that speak of unknown things, the signs that point in unseen directions and the nudges that suggest unimagined possibilities. 

I hope too that you’ll discover your own magnificence, your own magic …

This is the story of four sisters Grimm – daughters born to different mothers on the same day, each born out of bright-white wishing and black-edged desire. They found each other at eight years-old, were separated at thirteen and now, at nearly eighteen, it is imperative that they find each other once again.

In thirty-three days they will meet their father in Everwhere. Only then will they discover who they truly are, and what they can truly do. Then they must fight to save their lives and the lives of the ones they love. Three will live, one will die. You’ll have to read on to find out who and why …

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Reasons to Stay Alive – Matt Haig

Books like this are so important. Let me tell you why.

Depression is isolating, so very isolating. When you’re in the middle of it it can feel like you’re the only person in the entire history of the world who has ever felt that way. You tend to isolate yourself from the rest of the world when you feel that bad, because who would want to be around such a worthless, pathetic, [insert put down of your choice here] waste of space, right? So you’re not exactly in much of a position to find data that doesn’t support your position.

Enter: books.

There is this idea that you either read to escape or you read to find yourself. I don’t really see the difference. We find ourselves through the process of escaping.

Books have the power to provide insight, reassurance and the sometimes lifesaving knowledge that not only are you are not alone but there is hope; things can get better. A lot better. And depressed person bonus points: you don’t actually have to interact with another human to find that hope. Yes, I am aware that contact with other humans is helpful but sometimes you just don’t wanna.

In the meantime, books. Now if you’re depressed you may not be able to concentrate all that well, which is one of the reasons I love the short chapters in this book. It’s bite sized portions of hope and ‘I’ve been there too and I can guarantee that you will not always feel exactly the way you feel right this second’. It’s easy to brush off the well intentioned words of people who don’t get it but when the person who’s doing the talking has walked the walk, well that’s someone you might want to pay close attention to.

THEN ME: Why would I stay alive? Wouldn’t it be better to feel nothing than to feel such pain? Isn’t zero worth more than minus one thousand?

NOW ME: Listen, just listen, just get this through your head, okay – you make it, and on the other side of this there is life. L-I-F-E. You understand? And there will be stuff you enjoy.

Did I learn a whole bunch of things about depression and anxiety that I didn’t already know from countless other books? Not really. Did it matter? Not really. Why not? Well, there’s a few reasons.

It doesn’t matter how many facts your brain has accumulated about a topic. There’s something cathartic about hearing someone else express thoughts that you assumed were unique to you when you first encountered them.

I wanted to be dead. No. That’s not quite right. I didn’t want to be dead, I just didn’t want to be alive.

Someone who’s not you may come up with a visual that describes an experience in a way that makes you stop and go, ‘huh, why didn’t I come up with that?!’, one that you want to memorise so you can use it to explain the experience to someone who is fortunate enough to not understand.

If you have depression on its own your mind sinks into a swamp and loses momentum, but with anxiety in the cocktail, the swamp is still a swamp but the swamp now has whirlpools in it.

Or

anxiety is an illness that wraps us up in our own nightmares.

I loved the concept of the “bank of bad days”. I’ve done this myself, gotten through a bad day by reminding myself I’ve already survived worse, but I didn’t have a cool name for it before now.

Once upon a niggle: I probably sound like a broken record at this point but in the past couple of years I’ve come to the realisation that the language we use to describe suicide is important. This book, like so many others, uses the term “committed suicide”. I much prefer the term “died by suicide”. People can and do die as a result of mental illness, just as they can as a result of physical illness, but I associate the word “committed” with criminal acts and don’t want to contribute to the stigma that already surrounds it. Having said that, this book was published several years before I personally began to seriously think about how we use language when we talk about mental health.

On the flip side, I absolutely adored the author’s discussion of “despite” versus “because”.

People often use the word ‘despite’ in the context of mental illness. So-and-so did such-and-such despite having depression/anxiety/OCD/agoraphobia/whatever. But sometimes that ‘despite’ should be a ‘because’. For instance, I write because of depression. I was not a writer before. The intensity needed – to explore things with relentless curiosity and energy – simply wasn’t there. Fear makes us curious. Sadness makes us philosophise.

While I can understand the wish for someone else to tell you (in detail, with step by step instructions) what your specific reasons for living should be I’ve been assured by mental health professionals that this is something you need to figure out for yourself. Someone else’s reasons may not resonate with you and vice versa. However I do believe that everyone has value and something unique to them that they bring to the world. Cliché or not, you are the only you that will ever exist in the entirety of humanity, past, present and future. You are important and we need you.

I think life always provides reasons to not die, if we listen hard enough. Those reasons can stem from the past – the people who raised us, maybe, or friends or lovers – or from the future – the possibilities we would be switching off.

I found a new (to me) word in this book – chiaroscuro – and I plan to now find ways to include it in everyday conversation until someone threatens to buy me a dictionary so I can come up with a new favourite word. Once I learn its correct pronunciation, that is.

P.S. If you’ve ever experienced depression, here’s something vitally important that you need to know.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

I want life. I want to read it and write it and feel it and live it. I want, for as much of the time as possible in this blink-of-an-eye existence we have, to feel all that can be felt. I hate depression. I am scared of it. Terrified, in fact. But at the same time, it has made me who I am. And if – for me – it is the price of feeling life, it’s a price always worth paying.

Reasons to Stay Alive is about making the most of your time on earth. In the western world the suicide rate is highest amongst men under the age of 35. Matt Haig could have added to that statistic when, aged 24, he found himself staring at a cliff-edge about to jump off. This is the story of why he didn’t, how he recovered and learned to live with anxiety and depression. It’s also an upbeat, joyous and very funny exploration of how live better, love better, read better and feel more.

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Wayward Children #5: Come Tumbling Down – Seanan McGuire

Illustrations – Rovina Cai

Spoilers Ahead!

“Once a wayward child, always a wayward child.”

I’ve been waiting as patiently as possible for my next quest –

No quests.

Right. So I’ve been counting the days until I was finally able to spend more quality time with my fellow Waywards and today we went to the Moors! Who’s ‘we’? I travelled with the girl with the “perpetual sugar buzz”, the “Goblin Prince in Waiting”, the girl “with the ocean in her hair”, a mad scientist, the boy with the bone flute and the girl “with the lightning-powered heart”.

Travelling by lightning hasn’t been this much fun since I hitched a ride in a Delorean!

Having completed my most anticipated read of 2020 less than a fortnight into the year I now feel like I’ve wandered into a bittersweet limbo. I’m absolutely elated that, after a year of anticipation, my expectations (which were skyscraper looking down on clouds high) didn’t overshadow my enjoyment.

I’m proud of myself for savouring the experience, appreciating every sentence rather than bingeing the entire book in one sitting. I’m sad that I can never read this book for the first time ever again. I want to gush to anyone who will listen to me about every sentence I highlighted, every character, plot point, what I hope will happen next, what I fear will happen next … but spoilers.

“But I warn you, this isn’t a tale for the faint of heart. It is a story of murder, and betrayal, and sisterly love turned sour.”

I will tell you though, although this was not her story, Sumi was the standout wayward for me in this book. She somehow kept managing to snag the best lines and I don’t know which one of us this says more about but I understood every piece of Nonsense she uttered. I love that she gets to the heart of the issue and asks the truly important questions, like

“Why is the village of scary fish-people where you get your chocolate biscuits?”

One of the first things I tell anyone about me is that Every Heart a Doorway is my all time favourite book. I don’t care that I’m an adult; I will be searching for my door for the rest of my life and if you are also seeking admittance to your door, regardless of how different our true worlds look, I will consider you a kindred spirit.

Usually when I read a new addition to a beloved series there’s an anxiety that accompanies me. I’ve often found that the shine of the first book can be smudged when follow up books don’t meet my expectations. I’m aware that the pedestals I place books I love on can be difficult to reach and that’s part of the problem. So you’d think I’d be especially nervous whenever I begin a new Wayward Children book but I have absolute faith that my hopes, no matter how seemingly unrealistic they are, are safe with Seanan and she’s never let me down.

“New things are the best kind of magic there is.”

I don’t want this series to ever end. I want to visit every world. I want to secure a room at Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children while I wait for my own door to open. So far, none of the worlds I’ve visited with my fellow waywards have been my own, although I’ve caught glimpses of it in several. I fully expect that one day Seanan will write about my world and while I’m reading that story my book will magically transform into my very own door. I’m sure!

If you haven’t already read the first four books of this series, please remedy that ASAP before reading this one. Then you can join me as I begin the interminable wait for January 2021.

If you’ve read the first four books and are seeking a recap, check out the brilliance that is Seanan Twitter. If you haven’t read them, beware! Spoilers!

Also, if you want a more extensive catch up, read this. Beware! Much bigger spoilers!

As usual I couldn’t wait to get to the next Rovina Cai illustration. I was only going to include my favourite one here but I can’t decide so here they all are! I’m hiding them as spoilers in case you don’t want to see them before you get to that part of the story yourself.

Since I highlighted so much of this book that I probably should have just gone ahead and highlighted it all, it’s practically impossible to choose a favourite sentence. This is the one that spoke the loudest to me when I reread all of my highlights:

“No one should have to sit and suffer and pretend to be someone they’re not because it’s easier, or because no one wants to help them fix it.”

If anyone needs me I’ll be reading the sixth book in the series.

[But it’s not released yet.]

“Hey! Don’t you go getting logical rules on my illogical life plans”

[I’m serious. You must wait for another excruciatingly long year before you are allowed to continue this journey.]

“This is the awful sprinkles on the sundae of doom.”

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

When Jack left Eleanor West’s School for Wayward Children she was carrying the body of her deliciously deranged sister – whom she had recently murdered in a fit of righteous justice – back to their home on the Moors.

But death in their adopted world isn’t always as permanent as it is here, and when Jack is herself carried back into the school, it becomes clear that something has happened to her. Something terrible. Something of which only the maddest of scientists could conceive. Something only her friends are equipped to help her overcome.

Eleanor West’s “No Quests” rule is about to be broken.

Again.

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The Glimme – Emily Rodda

Illustrations – Marc McBride

‘Do you draw what you see?’

‘It is very thin here, the veil,’ she whispered, leaning forward as if she was telling a great secret. ‘Some places in the world are like that, and this is one of them.’

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Shortly after we’re introduced to Finn, a young boy who has lived in the small village of Wichant his entire life, a strange woman, only known as the Housekeeper, buys him from his grandparents for a bag of gold.

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The Housekeeper takes Finn to the mysterious Edge House on the clifftop. There Finn is shown seven exquisite paintings. These are not ordinary paintings, though. The scenes depicted on them are more realistic than Finn realises.

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Behold the Glimme, where dragons fly,

And see a wondrous tale unfold.

This is quite possibly one of the most beautiful books I will ever have the privilege of picking my jaw off the floor over. I was interested in the story but once I caught a glimpse of Marc McBride’s illustrations I was hooked. They’re an incredible blend of realistic and surreal. The attention to detail and the combination of dark and dreary with vibrant colours, often appearing in the same image, was captivating.

I almost didn’t care about the words that accompanied the story of the pictures initially and came close to allowing myself to remain hypnotised by the dragons and castles. I planned on drooling over the pictures and then sending the book back to the library unread, because of Book Nerd Problem #486: practically every book I currently want to read arrived at the library at the same time!

Then I glanced at the first couple of pages of text and the words sucked me in too. I’m not usually drawn to adventure stories where I’m spending so much of my time witnessing battles and the travelling time between them but I enjoyed this story. My favourite characters were Finn, artist turned hostage turned unexpected hero, and Lone Annie, a scarred woman who foresees the dragons, giants and other very specific encounters our intrepid adventurers face.

The illustrations lined up with the storyline so well (one of my pet peeves is when the details of an illustration are different to what the story describes) and it made sense to me when I learned that the illustrator approached the author with a set of paintings, asking them to write their story. I’m having so much trouble choosing a favourite so I’m going to show you two of them. This is Finn inside the Edge House. See all of the books? Dream house!

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The other is my favourite dragon illustration. This is Greenfire chatting to Chieftain Gor. Check out the details!

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Now, this may be a case of me seeing what I want to see but I could have sworn there was a Predator in the foreground of the painting showing the feast in Castle Nye. In this story his name is Quinlin and it’s only when he’s seen in profile that he makes me think he was a Predator in another life.

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The artist’s secret is the key

To doors no eyes but mine can see.

You would be forgiven for thinking I’ve shown you practically all of the illustrations contained in this book but I haven’t even come close. There are so many characters you have yet to be introduced to, locations you have not glimpsed and fantasy elements come of life that await you within its pages.

Although they’re gorgeous, the photos I’ve taken of the book’s pages do not do these illustrations justice at all! You’ve got to experience them for yourself!

My only regret related to this book? I waited and waited for my library copy to arrive and by the time I opened the first page and realised just how extraordinary this book truly is, I’d missed out on the opportunity to buy my own signed copy. Lesson painfully learned!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Lone Annie sees dragons in your future. She sees giants. She sees fire and water. She sees death. Finn’s life in the village of Wichant is hard. Only his drawings of the wild coastline, with its dragon shaped clouds and headlands that look like giants, make him happy. Then the strange housekeeper from a mysterious clifftop mansion sees his talent and buys him for a handful of gold and then reveals to him seven extraordinary paintings. Finn thinks the paintings must be pure fantasy: such amazing scenes and creatures cannot be real! He is wrong. Soon he is going to slip through the veil between worlds and plunge into the wonders and perils of The Glimme.

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