Author: Schizanthus Nerd

The Bear Went Over the Mountain – Louis Shea

This book deserves 5 stars for the illustrations alone! It has some of the most detailed and beautiful pictures I’ve ever seen in a children’s book. All of the animals in each picture have their very own personality and they’re just so cute and quirky! Whether it’s a squirrel with a mohawk, crabs building sandcastles, sharks attending school, penguins swordfighting with swordfish, a fruit salad chameleon or mosh pit bats and rats, there’s so much to see and laugh at. The story is simple, repetitive and fun for kids, but the real stories are what’s happening within the pictures. I adore this book!

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The bear went over the mountain
To see what he could see.
What do you think he saw?

You won’t believe what the bear sees over this mountain!

A forest of squirrels singing,
Setting ears a-ringing.
Golly gosh! Oh my! Oh me!
It was a sight to see.

Sing along with favourite children’s entertainer Jay Laga’aia’s bonus CD recording!

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Thelma the Unicorn – Aaron Blabey

Another book proudly brought to you by …

🦄 Unicorn Month! 🦄

Thelma the horse desperately wants to be a unicorn and doesn’t believe her best friend when he tells her she’s perfect just the way she is. Between a carrot tied to her nose and a fortuitous near miss with a truck loaded conveniently with pink paint and glitter, all of Thelma’s dreams come true. Or so she thinks. It’s not much fun keeping up the facade of being someone you’re not.

This is a sweet book about accepting and loving yourself for who you are. A recommendation from one of my favourite librarians, I love the message of this book. The illustrations are lovely and I particularly liked Thelma’s best friend, Otis. You can’t help but love someone who loves you just the way you are.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Thelma dreams of being a glamorous unicorn. Then in a rare pink and glitter-filled moment of fate, Thelma’s wish comes true.

She rises to instant international stardom, but at an unexpected cost. After a while, Thelma realizes that she was happier as her ordinary, sparkle-free self. So she ditches her horn, scrubs off her sparkles, and returns home, where her best friend is waiting for her with a hug.

From award-winning author Aaron Blabey comes this joyful book about learning to love who you are … even if you don’t have sparkles.

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That’s Not My Unicorn … – Fiona Watt

Illustrations – Rachel Wells

This is the latest in my That’s Not My … obsession. This time we take on UNICORNS!!!! This is my second unicorn read this month and I have another two planned for the weekend. As I missed (shame on me!) Unicorn Day on 9 April, but will most certainly be celebrating it annually from 2018, I officially declare this …
🦄 Unicorn Month! 🦄

This was another cute addition to the That’s Not My … series, but so much better because, duh, unicorns! I for one am stoked that our sweet little white mouse rejected so many unicorns on the way to finding theirs, because that leaves five unicorns looking for someone to love them – and I call dibs on all of them!

I want the one with the fluffy mane. I want the one with the rainbow coloured mane and super soft ears. I want the bumpy hooved one with the pink mane and purple stripey horn. I want the furry tailed one with the yellow mane and horn. Oh, and I certainly claim the smooth winged one with pink mane and yellow horn flying past the rainbow. If any of you want to borrow one at any time you’re more than welcome but as I already made pretty clear, I’ve got dibs on every single one of the rejects. So there, Mr Mouse! You don’t get to change your mind now!

Just between you and I, Mr Mouse had better be on the lookout because I may well be planning on unicorn-napping borrowing his unicorn with the rainbow coloured mane and sparkly horn in the near future.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The 50th title in the internationally best-selling That’s not my … series. This sparkly, touchy-feely book features a magical unicorn to talk about, and a little white mouse to spot on every page. Babies and toddlers will love turning the pages and touching the textured patches as they try to find their unicorn.

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Chirp – Dolores Costello

Chirp, the book and the sweet little chick, are so adorable. Chirp goes on an adventure through the red fence, past a cat and some turkeys. A gust of wind deposits him in a can of blue paint before he wanders back to his siblings.

Chirp and his siblings are the sweetest little balls of fluff on scrawny stick figure legs, and in only a few lines for their eyes and beak, their expressions are priceless. There’s a lot of white space surrounding the pictures but they’re brightly coloured and I feel extra detail would have detracted from the cute factor. The illustrations are so simple, not that I think for a minute I could replicate them. Art and I aren’t on the best of terms. I like it but it doesn’t like me so much. This book would be a helpful tool to teach your little ones primary colours.

Each of the five times I’ve read this book (so far), I’ve smiled from start to finish. It’s a lovely picture book that I’d happily read over and over. This would make a great bedtime story for your own adventurous little chicks.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Xist Publishing for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

When a little chick leaves the flock, he stumbles on to an adventure that will change him forever. This charming picture book from Dolores Costello is a cute read for little explorers.

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The Disappearance – Gillian Chan

I love this book! Ever since reading as many of Torey L. Hayden’s books as I could get my hands on just after finishing my psychology degree, I’ve had a great interest in elective mutism so I had to read The Disappearance. While elective mutism was one aspect, as it unfolded there was a twist that turned this story into so much more. I guess it doesn’t hurt that I have a soft spot for kids who have been through foster care and are stuck in a system that doesn’t always work the way it’s intended to.

Mike McCallum, otherwise known as Mutt, arrives at a group home called Medlar House after a series of unsuccessful foster care placements. Mutt is physically and emotionally scarred from the murder of his little brother, Jon. He uses his physical size and his disfigured face to play the role of thug, pushing away anyone who tries to get too close to him. He’s a smart kid who adored and looked out for his little brother, and blames himself for not being able to prevent Jon’s murder.

Mutt has a heart of gold buried underneath his bravado but don’t tell him that or he may beat you up. The fact that Mutt is manipulative when he wants or feels he needs to be and that he takes pleasure in messing with people scored him points with me as these characteristics gave depth to him that would’ve been lacking if he’d been all good or all bad.

Among the kids who live at Medlar House are Adam the shadow, Paddy the bully, Matt who acts like Paddy’s minion and silent Jacob Mueller. While there are many social workers at Medlar House the house parents, if you will, are Chaz and Lucy (Luce). Luce spends more time with the younger kids and Chaz cares for the older ones. I adored Chaz. He was gullible and eternally optimistic, doing whatever he could to reach out to the seemingly unreachable.

As Mutt settles in to the group home, he throws his weight around enough to ensure the other kids know he’s not a pushover. Silent Jacob, who ends up being his roommate, intrigues Mutt. There’s more to him than meets the eye. In the middle of the night Mutt hears Jacob say something about Mutt’s life before Medlar that he couldn’t possibly have known. Mutt is determined to find out what’s really behind Jacob’s strange behaviour and hopefully find some answers for himself at the same time.

This book grabbed me during the prologue, which tells us the end of the story before we go back to the beginning to find out how we got there. I enjoyed the paranormal aspects and felt they added an interesting layer to the story. While I did find the way it all panned out predictable and I worked things out before Mutt did, he was at a disadvantage because he was trying not to look too smart and fly as much as possible under the radar whereas I didn’t have those setbacks as the reader. The lack of surprises didn’t take anything away from my enjoyment of the book.

The underlying mystery throughout the book and the gradual revelation of the histories of Mutt, Jacob and Adam were rewarding and I found the writing style to flow well. It was a quick and easy read with a few words scattered here and there that had me consulting my dictionary. I would have liked to have been given more information from Jacob about the lost ones.

Main issue with this book: The blurb. I feel that it gives too much away that would be better off being uncovered by the reader as they make their way through the book.

Tissues used: 1, but they weren’t sad tears.

What I craved while reading: Chocolate donuts and hot chocolate. Yummy!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Annick Press Ltd. for the opportunity to read this book. While this book is marketed to young adults, I’d recommend it to adults as well.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

This novel centers on the unlikely friendship between two boys, Jacob Mueller and Mike McCallum. Jacob seems to be from a different world. After mystifying experts and doctors, who finally decide that he is an elective mute, Jacob ends up in a juvenile group home, isolated and withdrawn, the butt of teasing by the other kids. Mike exists in his own private hell. Scarred physically and emotionally after the murder of his younger brother, his one aim is to survive the system until he is legally old enough to get out. He uses his horrific appearance, imposing size, sharp intelligence, and a calculated brutality to keep everyone at bay–until he encounters Jacob. Almost despite himself, Mike is fascinated by Jacob, particularly the way in which he seems able to shut out the world around him. This fascination deepens and becomes tinged by a mixture of awe and horror when Jacob starts to talk, and appears to have knowledge of Mike’s past, and in particular of his dead brother. Mike takes it upon himself to solve the puzzle that is Jacob Mueller, and when he comes to what seems to him to be the impossible conclusion that Jacob is from another time, he makes it his mission to return him home. In order to do so, Mike has to make hard choices: choices which could offer the chance of redemption, but only at great cost. 

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Comics for a Strange World: A Book of Poorly Drawn Lines – Reza Farazmand

I read some of the comics twice to try and figure out what I was missing. I find most things funny including things that aren’t supposed to be, yet I didn’t even feel the beginning of a smile while reading this book. I tried really hard. Sorry, this one wasn’t for me.

Thank you very much to NetGalley and Plume Books, Penguin Group for the opportunity to read this book.

Once Upon a Blurb

Absurd comics for our absurd times, from the artist behind the wildly popular webcomic Poorly Drawn Lines.

In his follow up to the New York Times bestselling Poorly Drawn Lines, beloved webcomic artist Reza Farazmand returns with a new collection of comics that hilariously skewers our modern age. Comics for a Strange World takes readers through time, space, and alternate realities, reuniting fans with favourite characters and presenting them with even more bizarre scenarios. A child is arrested for plagiarism. A squirrel adapts to human society by purchasing a cell phone – and a gun. And an old man shares memories of the Internet with his granddaughter (“A vast network of millions of idiots. Together, the idiots created endless shitty ideas. It was a true renaissance of shit.”). In the world of Poorly Drawn Lines, nothing is too weird or too outlandish for parody.

Featuring 50% brand new content alongside some of the most popular comics of the past year, Comics for a Strange World is the perfect antidote to life’s absurdities.

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The Little Red Wolf – Amélie Fléchais

Illustrations – Jeremy Melloul

Spoilers Ahead!

Well, that was dark and depressing. The young wolf is on his way to his grandmother’s house to deliver a freshly slaughtered rabbit and is warned to stay away from a certain area of the forest because that’s where the horrible hunter and his daughter live. On the way he gets distracted, hungry and lost. He eats the rabbit intended for his grandmother and then worries about getting into trouble.

Along comes a nice young girl who offers to take him to her place for a replacement rabbit and he naïvely follows, unknowingly walking into a trap. We end up hearing two versions of the same story at the end of the book, both told as songs to the same tune. In one version the wolves killed the hunter’s wife. Therefore, wolves are evil and we must kill them all. In the other version the hunter’s wife was friends with the wolves and when the hunter couldn’t find his wife one night he got worried and searched for her. Seeing her with the wolves he was afraid and shot at the wolves, accidentally killing his wife.

While some of the illustrations are intricate and gorgeous, others are dark and would most likely give young children nightmares if this was their bedtime story. I know that generally the fairy tales we’ve known all our lives didn’t originate with the Disney version we’re used to but that doesn’t mean I want to read them to a young child. I can see this book being appreciated by some older children and adults but I personally wouldn’t want to buy it.

Thank you very much to NetGalley, Lion Forge and Diamond Book Distributors for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

A young wolf, on a journey to bring his grandmother a rabbit, is charmed by the nice little girl who offers to help him … but nice is not the same as good.

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Hotel Transylvania Volume 1: Kakieland Katastrophe – Stefan Petrucha

Illustrations – Allen Gladfelter

Written by Stefan Petrucha and illustrated by Allen Gladfelter, Kakieland Katastrophe is the first in a new series of graphic novels that introduce new stories in the Hotel Transylvania world we already know and love.

With character profiles at the beginning, you are reminded of the monsters and human you already know or introduced to them if you’re new to Hotel Transylvania land. If you haven’t already seen the movies, please remedy that immediately as you are seriously missing out!

In this story, Stephen Cling, horror author and owner of Kakieland, a new Transylvanian theme park, is our baddie. Wanting to expand his empire, Cling decides he wants a hotel and he’s found the perfect one … Hotel Transylvania.

After tricking our helpful, loveable monsters into posing for some selfies that make them look scary and distributing them via the Internet to ruin the image of monsters everywhere, an angry mob arrives and turn up the heat on our monsters with flaming torches, pitchforks and protest signs. My personal favourite which is an absolute classic says ‘Sorry, I never know what to say on protest signs‘.

After all of the adults do their bit to attempt to fix the problem and fail, it’s up to the kids (Dennis and Winnie) to save the day, the Hotel and the reputation of monsters everywhere!

This is a really fun graphic novel. The characters stay true to the way they were depicted in the movies, the storyline is interesting and the artwork is excellent. There’s great attention to detail in the illustrations and enough humour and character traits from the movies shining through so it’s easy to hear the characters’ voices in your head as you read. It can be difficult to translate characters from movies onto the page but this is an impressive introduction and I’m interested to see where the story takes us in the next volume.

Colourists Laurie E. Smith and Matt Herms and letterer Wilson Ramos Jr. also deserve kudos for jobs well done in making the overall look come together in a way that stays true to the feel of the movies yet also creatively stands apart.

Thank you very much to NetGalley and Papercutz for the opportunity to read this graphic novel.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

The debut Hotel Transylvania graphic novel based on the movies! Horror author Stephen Cling visits Hotel Transylvania to try and prove monsters are still dangerous. Dracula, his daughter and her family, and the Drac pack are anything but! However, when a human child goes missing, it is up to Drac, Mavis, and the rest of the Hotel crew to locate the child before their monstrous reputation gets them chased out of town.

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Boyfriend Chronicles #3: Boomerang Boyfriend – Chris Cannon

Horror story of the month in only one sentence … I voluntarily read a romance novel. Would someone please alert a paramedic?

Delia: I have no idea what’s going on with Aiden. Never again will I kiss a boy first. Now he’s being all weird and mysterious. I think I need to move on and find a new boy. Not that I need a male in my life to make it complete or anything. Maybe if I paint some more it’ll help. Ugh! There’s Zoe’s brother, Jack. Why is he always such a jerk?

Jack: Ever since Dad and Grandpa died in the accident I’ve been the only male in the house. Sure, I go to Trevor’s place a lot. Rocky is a great dog and he likes it when I sneak him bits of pepperoni off my pizza, even though Trevor’s mother said not to. I like being at Trevor’s place but it can’t make up for Dad and Grandpa being gone. Sometimes I feel so alone. It doesn’t help that my younger sister Zoe and Delia, her annoying best friend, are always giggling in the kitchen at home. Doesn’t Delia have a home to go to?

Delia: I really should get a job. Mum and Dad don’t have any money to spare and it’s not fair to expect them to pay for my art supplies. It’s interesting that Mum and Dad have always had money troubles and because a few things broke recently they’re sort of having to budget to afford decent groceries yet I have my own truck. Hmm … Anyway … Guess what, Zoe? I just got a job as the new Pie Princess at Betty’s Burgers. Isn’t that so exciting? That’s where Jack the Jerk works. Let’s not tell him I got the job and surprise him. That’ll be fun.

Jack: What? First she takes over my home and now I can’t escape her at work either?

Delia: Ah, art class. Nothing beats it. What do you mean another class is joining ours because their teacher went on maternity leave early?!

Jack: What? Now I can’t escape her during art class either?

Delia: I don’t want to have to draw Jack’s portrait. Hey! When did Jack get so cute?! No, wait. I can’t think about him like that. He’s like an older brother.

Jack: And now I have to draw her too … Hey! When did Delia become pretty?! No, wait. I can’t think about her like that. She’s like a little sister.

Delia: I’m so confused.

Jack: I’m so confused.

I’m so confused. I’m way outside of my comfort zone here. I’m more of a horror girl and usually avoid romances like they’re diseased. I’m much more comfy reading about people getting chopped to bits than getting kissed. That’s why I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I quite enjoyed this book. It would make a good holiday read, incorporating Thanksgiving and the lead up to Christmas. My main pet peeve, but this seems to be a fairly universal romance novel annoyance, is people trying to keep their relationship a secret and forgetting how to communicate.

Boomerang Boyfriend contains plenty of sweet and lovely bits. There’s plenty of introspection and just enough tragedy and heartache in everyone’s life (think death, grief and addiction) that ensures the romance isn’t all consuming, until near the end when I wanted to throw my Kindle across the room.

I loved that Delia stumbled upon some of her quirkiness out of necessity but then made it her own when she discovered a passion, and I enjoyed her snarky side. But girl, seriously? You don’t need to ask a boy’s permission to go out with a friend on a Friday night. Grr! And playing little word games like you don’t understand what he’s saying so he’ll kiss you? I may have just vomited in my mouth a little. Oh, and I’m so mad at her for ditching her friend date with Aiden when she knew how important it was to him after she’d already promised him she’d go.

OK, so maybe I’m more cranky with Delia than loving her but at least Chris Cannon made me care about her protagonists before I wanted to hit them over the head for annoying me. And Jack, jealous much? You and Delia only kissed for the first time, what, maybe four days ago and you’ve got your cranky pants on over her sitting with a boy at lunch she’s sat with for, let me think, the entire book? Not cool, Jack the Jerk.

I was really liking both Delia and Jack, even when they first started kissing. Then they started questioning their relationship and their stupid started showing. Is there something in ‘How to Write a Romance’ that says your protagonists’ brain cells must fall out of their ears each time they kiss? Moving on!

I adored Zoe and Jack’s grandma and wanted to hang out with her. I wanted to pull up a chair in the kitchen and chat with Zoe while she baked, and of course be her quality control test dummy for all of the yummies that came out of the oven. I definitely wanted to go to Betty’s Burgers for dinner, or maybe just dessert. Plus there are two adorable dogs in the story, Rocky and Buddy, who steal the limelight with their innate cuteness.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I’m actually interested in reading more of Chris Cannon’s Boyfriend Chronicles series. I just hope for my Kindle’s sake that the main characters don’t halve their IQ’s once their relationship commences. Seriously, has anyone got a thermometer? Oh, yay! She also writes paranormal novels!

Thank you very much to NetGalley and Entangled Publishing, LLC’s Teen Crush imprint, for the opportunity to read this book.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

Working with her best friend’s brother at Betty’s Burgers, free-spirited Delia starts to see Jack in a new light. Not only has Jack-the-Jerk turned into a hottie, he’s even acting like a nice guy, who rescues dogs and knows how she likes her coffee. But if Jack is into her, then why is he keeping her a secret? Of course, if her best friend doesn’t approve, Delia could lose the only family she’s ever known.

Seeing Delia in her retro waitress uniform throws Jack’s world out of whack. She’s always been just another pain in the butt little sister … not a datable female. But she’s rockin’ the Pie Princess tiara, and even her hot-pink striped hair is sexy. What’s that about? He needs to get his head on straight, because artsy, funky Delia and her nonconformist ways don’t fit in his safe and ordered world.

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Black Bird of the Gallows – Meg Kassel

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly … Sorry, I kept hearing this song each time I read the title and music does feature in the book so it’s not completely out there …

The first thing I absolutely have to address about Black Bird of the Gallows is that cover. If you want people to need to buy a book without even knowing what it’s about, then it seems like L.J. Anderson from Mayhem Cover Creations is your go to person. I simply adore the cover design and use of colour. I want a huge framed print of this cover artwork for my wall so I can constantly admire it.

Now, where was I? Oh, the book. I really enjoyed it. What was it about? The birds and the bees, but not the way you’re thinking!

Angie has had it tough, spending a large part of her upbringing living in a van or at random mens’ places with her drug addicted mother. While she’s still haunted by her past, she now lives with her father, one of the most adorably sweet fathers I’ve come across in real life or the other real life (books). She has great friends, Lacey and Deno, and her very own secret identity as Sparo, a DJ in a nightclub.

The house next door has been vacant since a tragedy made it impossible to sell. However, one day a moving truck appears and lo and behold, Angie spies (literally, through binoculars) the new cute boy moving in next door with his family. Mystery cute boy with the dark eyes isn’t what he appears to be and as Angie gets to know him, she learns he’s not quite as human as he looks, and apparently he looks really, really good.

I loved the whole premise of this story. I’m a sucker for anything mythological so naturally I was drawn in by the origin stories of the tortured harbingers and Beekeepers. I wanted to know more about them though and I definitely wanted a backstory for the Strawmen. I’d love to read something from all of their perspectives that shed more of a light on them. Plus there’s indications there are other entities/creatures/part human part something else types in this world and I want all the details about them as well.

I had two favourite characters in this book. Rafette, who we spend a considerable amount of the book running from or on the lookout for, is someone I really empathised with. I found myself seeing the story from his point of view and didn’t view him as a baddie at all. Maybe it’s partly due to the soft spot I have for bees but my heart broke for Rafette and the pain he’s endured in his life. I need to know so much more about him! And best friend Lacey … supportive, intuitive and loving, yet willing to bash her best friend over the head with a golf club if that’s what it takes to keep her safe. I loved Lacey!

Tissues Used: 0, which surprised me as I came prepared. Although my icy cold heart experienced somewhat of an earthquake, none of the cracks melted into tears.

Food craved during reading: Pancakes. Oh, they sounded so delectably droolworthy.

Something I thought would be important to remember when reading or rereading: The names and stories of those you don’t think will come back into the story. I found sections of this book to be in the ‘six degrees of separation’ category where peoples’ stories linked together like one big crow shaped jigsaw puzzle. Prepare to get halfway through the book and go ‘oh, I remember them!’

Now for the niggles:

  • A minor thing, sure, but what’s Reece’s real name?
  • The insta-love frustrated me along with the whole ‘our love is destined to be doomed and we’ll both be miserable for all of eternity or for as long as we live (whichever is applicable) so we shouldn’t be together. But first, let’s kiss some more’.
  • Reece telling Angie that he’s been in love with her since they were six. Now, this would have been worthy of an aww if not for the fact that he would’ve been about 190, give or take a few years, at that stage which kind of morphed my aww into eww!.
  • The whole thing about the big ‘event’ when loved ones are being searched for. When they all meet up at Angie’s house after being separated did Angie not wonder or bother to ask Deno if his parents were alive or dead?
  • You know the whole horror movie girl victim/heroine who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the door? I had that frustration with Angie. I kept wanting to yell at her to just leave! You can’t say she didn’t have ample warning time, yet she still managed to wind up caught up in the ‘event’ like everyone else. What use is fair warning if you don’t listen, sweetheart?

So, my rating. If I didn’t have this many niggles, the writing would’ve deserved 5 stars. The niggles and frustration I felt while I was reading would usually have made it a 3 stars but the writing was just so darn good. So I’m splitting the difference and giving this 4 stars.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Entangled Teen, an imprint of Entangled Publishing, LLC, for the opportunity to read this book. I will definitely read future books by Meg Kassel.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Once Upon a Blurb

A simple but forgotten truth: Where harbingers of death appear, the morgues will soon be full.

Angie Dovage can tell there’s more to Reece Fernandez than just the tall, brooding athlete who has her classmates swooning, but she can’t imagine his presence signals a tragedy that will devastate her small town. When something supernatural tries to attack her, Angie is thrown into a battle between good and evil she never saw coming. Right in the center of it is Reece — and he’s not human.

What’s more, she knows something most don’t. That the secrets her town holds could kill them all. But that’s only half as dangerous as falling in love with a harbinger of death.

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